- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
I’d posted a couple of weeks ago that my husband got super-excited about the possibility that I *might* be pregnant. I wasn’t (due to some timing issues, I would have been shocked, although happy, if I had been), but it did get us talking about a potential timeline for TTC.
We settled on March as a tentative timeline to start trying, but I don’t know if that’s the “right” time.
Backstory: I am 30 and he is 34. We got married about 2 months ago, on June 29th. We’re both finishing up Ph.D.s in the humanities (English and history, respectively) and should be done by December. He’s lucky and talented enough to have held a full-time university teaching position with benefits for the past year, and that job continues through next July. I moved so that we wouldn’t have a long-distance marriage, and I was able to snag a part-time teaching position (no benefits) at a local community college. This position might turn full-time if I were to stay for a couple of years….
BUT, I won’t be able to stay. His position is limited-term: it definitely ends in July 2014. With this on mind, we’re both back on the academic job market with the hope that one of us will get a tenure-track job that will start in the fall of 2014. We could be moving anywhere in the country, and we won’t know where until late next spring.
We decided on TTC in March of next year because having the baby around January or February 2015 would allow me to teach through the fall semester, whereever we are, then take the spring off to stay home with the baby. By the fall of 2014, the baby would be old enough for us to alternate. I’d likely try to teach one or two classes (possibly in the evening); he’d hopefully have a full-time job, but academic jobs are usually flexible enough that he’d be able to be at home while I taught. Since we don’t have much control over where we’ll be moving, we don’t know if we’ll have family in the area for additional support. Right now, we don’t.
A couple of things are worrying me. First, I want to be pregnant, like, yesterday! 😉 OK, I’m kind of kidding; I can wait a bit longer. But we both want at least 3 kids, and I’d really prefer to have them all by the time I’m 35 or 36. At this rate, I’ll likely be at least 32 before I have my first, so it’s looking harder and harder for me to meet this goal. For the record, the doctor says that all signs point to me being very fertile, but even so, it might well take a little time to conceive.
That being said, though, the jobs are a problem. What if we get pregnant, but neither of us is able to get a full-time job with insurance for the fall? What if *I* am the one to get a full-time job (possible, but unlikely because he’s ahead of me on the career path) and then end up having a baby mid-year? To the best of my knowledge, a lot of academic jobs only offer paid maternity leave after you’ve been teaching for a year.
If we are actually able to get pregnant around March or April, we’ll be moving and switching insurance while we’re several months pregnant. That sounds …fraught…to me.
Possibly the most logical thing to do would be to try to have a baby sometime in the summer of 2015, when I’m about 32.5. But I really don’t want to wait that long. And even if I did, I don’t know if I’d be ready to go back to teaching in August if I had the baby in June.
I’m hoping that things will become clearer as we start applying for jobs and getting interviews. Most academic jobs post openings between September and November for jobs starting in the fall of the following year, so we will hopefully know *something* by March.
In the meantime, thank you for listening, if you made it this far. I’m just feeling very confused, conflicted, and trapped at the moment, and I’d really love to hear any advice or experience that you Bees might have to offer!