(Closed) I got FI “cybering” with someone online, what to do?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

To me that is cheating!

I would comfort him and let him know how you feel about it and you have to decide how this affects your relationship!

Post # 4
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Oh my. That’s definitely crossing the line. Confront him. This matter isn’t to be taken lightly. 

Post # 5
Member
1001 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I didn’t know cybersex was something people still did.  It seems so 90’s.

I would definitely confront him if it bothers you.

Post # 6
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

To me it is totally cheating, I think you need to confront him right away and find out what is going on.  Maybe it isn’t something you guys have talked about in the past, but I think it’s totally inappropriate for someone in a relationship.  I have dealt with it in the past and have a zero tolerance for it now.

Post # 7
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree…open and honest communication about a problem like this is important, and immediate.  If nothing else, it’s important that he knows your feelings about what happened, plus letting him know you found out.  I agree that you figure out how to incorportate this into your relationship. 

Post # 8
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Um… not actual cheating, but cheating! Confront him now! Don’t give him time to make up a story.

Post # 9
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

He was doing this while you were around, in the house? That seems pretty weird.

I would have a conversation with him about this; only you two can decide if this issue is fixable or not. Good luck

Post # 10
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

that is effing cheating. Good luck. He can’t get out of this. it’s point blank and he’ll do it again..

Post # 11
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I personally don’t consider it cheating, he didn’t exchange any bodily fluids…. I do, however, find it a little uncomfortable, and I can understand why you’re upset.

I’d be honest with him, tell him you saw what he’s doing and ask him about it. Is it the same person every time? How often does he do it?

If he isn’t cheating on you, and you have a good relationship, you can ask him to keep it on the DL because it makes you uncomfortable. The only time I’d take real issue with it is if you are having problems with your sex life and he’s “taking care of him self” too often.

Post # 13
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Wow that would piss me off something fierce. I am sorry 🙁

Post # 14
Member
1518 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would tell him that it bothers you that you consider it a form of cheating! His response is deflecting the issue and if you have an problem with it than he needs to be considerate and talk to you about it. 

Post # 15
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

whoa!  that might not be physical cheating but psychological and emotional cheating is just as bad.  Would he be ok with you doing this?!

My standard for any sort of cheating is to ask yourself “can I do this in front of my significant other?  if the answer is no then guess what?  not ok!

Post # 16
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Was it actually a game, or a chat window like AIM?

There are actual MMORPGs that do involve cybersex with avatars.  Some of them are the focus of the game world (like Redlight District) and others it can just be a side act with other plotlines and things to do (like Neverwinter Nights, Mortal Online and Evercrack).

For me, there is a slight difference between role playing cyber sex as a character, and having cyber sex as yourself in a chat window.  FI and I are both gamers, and have both casually walked around in some gaming worlds with sex going on.  I’ve even played in a courtesan’s guild in MO.  But we are always up front with each other about it, and we know the difference between a game and real life.

If he’s hiding it, then something might be up.  Is it an activity he would be open to having you participate in with him?  If not you need to find out if this is something he expects to be entitled to, and if you can deal with his hobby.

 

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