I got groped at a club

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Smmg:  I’m so sorry that happened to you.

Do you have access to an employee assistance program through your work? Sometimes even a couple of sessions with a counselor can be enough to work through the kind of (totally reasonable!) upset and anxiety that you’re feeling, at least enough to restore some peace and comfort to your daily life.


Post # 4
1905 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

During this time while you’re feeling extra vulnerable, I would stay away from places that could be dangerous. IE: a club with a bunch of drunks.

In the mean time, maybe do something to help you feel impowered? Take a defense class, read up on how to be safe/cautious, get some pepper spray?

Post # 5
2428 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Smmg:  oh my goodness I’m so sorry!! I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. You have been violated twice in a very short amount of time. I think you need to let it out and talk to your fiance, family and friends about this so that you’re not keeping it all inside. No one would laugh at you! HUGS!!

Post # 6
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

It feels SO disempowering when someone helps themself to you this way, and I am SO SO sorry that you had to go through it — especially the manager’s reaction, that is really, really disgusting.

You’re not overreacting. Your feelings are justified, and I cannot imagine anyone in their right mind laughing about anything like this.

Hugs to you OP.

Post # 7
397 posts
Helper bee

@Smmg:  Nothing justifies someone groping another person. However, that’s also why I don’t go to clubs, or subject myself to that sort of environment. I once was leaning against something on New Years Eve and had a gentleman (douchebag?) lick my hand, as I was talking to a friend. It was disgusting, but those are the sorts of people you get in places like that.

Post # 9
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’m so sorry that happened to you. That was a very serious physical violation and how you’re feeling is completely normal and justified. 

Post # 10
2894 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Smmg: That’s horrible. They might have kicked you out because you were being aggressive in response to the groping. That’s why we’re supposed to blow our rape whistle, scream rape / fire if we’re being attacked. 

Yelp the club as well — women need to know what kind of risk they run if they go. The manager was an idiot. What happened wasn’t right and is bad for business. If women stop going to clubs, who’s going to buy the overpriced drinks?

Cops can only do so much because of due process. I’m sorry that happened to you. Until rapers / gropers stop raping / groping, we have do to what we can to protect ourselves. 

Post # 11
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am so sorry that happened. It happened to me once, a long time ago, at a friend’s club. I punched the guy – don’t regret it a bit. I think the bouncers did a lot more than that once they took him outside. I am really, truly sorry. I can still remember how violated I felt.

Post # 12
2057 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

@bitsybee:  I was also going to suggest leaving a Yelp review! Definitely do it like bitsybee recommended.


@Smmg:  Groping = sexual assault. If I had any regret, it was not filing a charge against an offender who attempted to rape me while I was sleeping at a former coworker’s couch — because it happened to someone else.
But I did see a police officer to see what my options were. The constable told me that it is really tough for these cases to go through unless you are 100% committed to showing up in court; etc. A lot of the times when alcohol is involved, it’s really hard to lay charges on the offender. (At the time, I just didn’t want to see his face anymore. I was in shock; I did nothing wrong.)

The law sucks. Hugs, you should reach out to a counsellor. Take some personal days off.

Edited to add: I should mention that nobody laughs about sexual assault. You should talk to someone close in your circle; i.e. sibling/best friend. You’d be surprised to see how many people we know in person has encountered situations like these. Not many people speak up because there’s a stupid stigma attached to it or are unsure if they could trust them with that information.

When I spoke up, I was surprised to hear similar stories from people I know. It should not be a stigma. Just because we have boobs doesn’t mean that anyone can touch them.

Post # 13
7284 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Smmg:  I am so sorry this happened to you. It is really unfair that in our society we are the ones that have to go the extra mile in order to protect ourselves but alas it is what I think we need to do.

Have you thought about a self defence class? Not only does it give you the skills to be able to possible get out of situations but it can also boost your confidence and make you feel more secure in yourself. It will also make you more aware of your surroundings and equip you with the tools to work out if the area/situation you are in is the right one (eg. standing with the crowd rather than off to the side).

And I agree with speaking to someone. If the cost is an issue maybe call the local womens clinic and see if they can recommend or refer you to a free service or support group.

But please do not let this incident steal your life. You have the right to go out and enjoy life and not stay at home scared. Take the steps to get you to a place where you feel secure.


Post # 14
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You are definitely not overreacting. I know you said you’re not looking for advice, but there are a lot of good ideas from PPs here. I’m sorry this happened to you.

Post # 15
109 posts
Blushing bee


I’m so sorry this happened to you.  You aren’t overreacting – you were violated both physically from the incident and mentally by the club’s reaction.  After my sexual assault, it took awhile to feel comfortable in my own skin again.  I promise you that you will get through it though.  It just takes time.  I like the self defense class idea.  It will make you feel like you’re in control of your surroundings rather than being at the mercy of the world.

Post # 16
3202 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I’m so sorry that this happened to you, and your feelings are completely justified and normal.

I second/third/whatever the idea of a self-defense class. I saw a speaker this year at my grad program after reading her book (Aftermath by Susan Brison, NOT recommended if you are feel vulnerable because it is intense) and she could not recommend self-defense classes more strongly after her sexual assault. She’s still recommending them, and it’s been 20 years.

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