I got married but lost my social life

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

So they are all still going out every weekend together and you’re not?  You schedule them around when you feel like going out? They aren’t fake friends, they are at a different point in their lives than you.  You want to feel like you can still go out with them when you feel like it, I bet you were a bit different before the wedding.  Things change, before you went with them all the time, now your perfectly content to visit family and stay home with DH.  Of course it’s going to feel funny for you when you do show up to hang out with them.  The person you feel is no longer your best friend has probably felt that you havn’t been hers for a long time.  You have different things that are important now.  Maybe find some couples your age to hang out with, you’d have more in common with them. 

Post # 4
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

It’s time to find new friends and that is a lot easier said than done I know! But they aren’t being your friends anymore, perhaps for their own reasons, perhaps it’s just coincidence that it all happened at once, perhaps there is one big reason and although I know that the curiosity would eat away at me, you have to try and just let it go. 

Enjoy your new married life full of family events and time with DH and try to meet some new people. Perhaps through a new hobby or even an Internet forum. Unfortunatly friends come and go in our lives especially in times of change. It sounds like this is just one of those times. You don’t want to be putting energy into relationships which give you nothing back, it will just suck the joy out of you. 

Post # 6
3806 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

HisIrishPrincess:  +1

Daizy914:  <br />something similar happened to me when i got engaged, married, and now pregnant. you may be the same person but your life is different. you can’t sit on the phone anymore and just get up and leave to hang out. that’s not a bad thing, it’s just different.

i need to schedule things. i haven’t seen a couple of my friends in almost a year – not because i don’t care about them but sometimes we are just too busy. i used to meet up with one friend for random happy hours all the time but now she has 2 kids (1 with special needs) and i am pregnant and trying to get our house ready for the new baby (which includes having contractors in our house every weekend and going shopping for things). so i called her on 3 separate occassions and sent multiple texts back and forth for me to see her new house and new baby but we just can’t get it in sync.

and even though i see photos on facebook of single friends still going out and having fun, i know that if they called me to join in, i couldn’t make it because of my new responsibilities to my household. i have to schedule things in advance and give my husband a heads up. so i find myself having lunch with my two friends who are married and have 1 kid each (toddler age) because it’s easier to hang out with other people who are okay with meeting up for only a couple of hours and can work with a scheduled date and time.

life changes and i know this is an awkward time but it is what it is. you just have to go with it.


Post # 7
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Daizy914:  It’s tough being one of the first of a group of friends to get married which I assume is the situation.  There is probably a lot of miscommunication going on here that you can clear up with some effort.  They probably assume that you want time with your husband and that the days of you going out with them are over.  Plus, if they’re young, it’s  probably weird for them to have the married lady out with a group of unmarried ladies (the goal of going out changes for married ladies because you aren’t trying to meet guys anymore.)

I would start by making time for lunch or happy hour with the friend you used to talk to every day ASAP.  Let her know how you’ve been feeling left out and that although you got married, you still want to hang out with the ladies.  Ask her to keep you in the loop or explain why you’ve been left out.  And make the effort to go out with them at least once every two weeks, even if it means missing out on other activities.  The rule of thumb I go by is to never turn down friends more than twice in a row because after you say “no” twice, they are unlikely to invite you along again in the future.

Post # 8
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Daizy914:  I highly doubt you did anything actually wrong. But it’s possible that the women who were not in your bridal party feel slighted (that’s their problem) and managed to turn the rest of the group. Or it is just what they do when someone gets married, like what happened to the previous girl. It will be interesting to see what happens to the newly engaged girl after she gets married. 

I’m very sorry that your bestfriend doesn’t seem to be so anymore. If you want to try you can address it head on and ask if you’ve done anything to offend but if that was the case and they were mature, they would have already brought it up with you, rather than just exclude you for group events. 

Post # 9
2358 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Things change, friendships run their course. Marriage brings new ppl into our lives with different commonalities. I had to learn that lesson when two of my close friends got married. I became non existant to them, then when I got married, still non existant. Ppl r weird. I don’t waste time on ppl who ignore me.

Post # 10
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Life changes as you get older. I don’t see a lot of my friends as often as I used to. I was single until I met my FI and the group of girls I hung out with changed as friends got married for the most part. Many of them didn’t want to go out every weekend and were content to stay at home. Now that I have my FI I’m content to stay home and have little interest in going downtown. I try to get together with a few girlfriends without the boys every once and awhile but its hard now. 2 of us are getting married soon, and the others are super busy too. We’re all in our 30s and have houses, busy jobs, etc. But wer’re still friends.

Have you talked to them? They might think you’re not interested in going out. I would talk to them (or maybe the one you’re closest to) before cutting them out. Get into other groups of friends as well (couples as singles) so you’re not dependent just on them.

Post # 11
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

My closest friends (they’ll be in my bridal party) all live in different cities and even when one of us is busy we all try not to take it personally. Sometimes we go a few months without even messaging each other but when we finally do get together, it’s like nothing has changed. It’s nice to not be in dramatic friend groups or even feel that pressure. I say focus on the people who are still there for you (sounds like your husband is great) and if others want to still be friends with you, they will! 

Post # 12
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

Dynamics in relationships change with major life events and with just growing older and apart. It sounds like you have not been able to make a lot of their gatherings (through no fault of your own) and because of that they see each other more often without you. Hence, naturally, they are a bit closer with each other and you kind of seem like an odd man out. It sucks. But sometimes this is just what happens when your lives change. I’d look around to start meeting new people and forging some new friendships. Not to replace these but just to broaden your horizons. Maybe Meetup or something similar?

Post # 13
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

If they’re still getting together every week and not inviting you, that’s weird. Maybe they don’t think you’re free or don’t want to come? The reason I ask is because my girlfriend group is sort of similar. We have a girl that can NEVER make it to anything because of her work schedule or her boyfriend drama so we sort of stopped inviting her. We’d love to have her come, but it gets awkward inviting her every week just to be let down that she can’t make it again. Did they try to invite you and for a few weeks/months in a row you couldn’t make it? Maybe they got tired of it and didn’t want to make you feel bad for being busy? The way my friend fixed it was she started texting us saying she’s free this day and that day, if we do something to definitely let her know. So now we see her more and things are good.

<br />It’s nice that you said you’re trying to put something together. But maybe instead of planning your own thing, if you know they get together every Friday for Happy Hour text one of the girls you’re closest to and say “Hey! I’m actually free Friday and miss you girls! If you do Happy Hour, I’d love to join!”

<br />Then see how it goes.

<br />My husband and I were the first in our group to get married, and it’s easy to fall into your own world. You just have to really make an effort to get together with the girls like you used to. I’m sure things will get better once they realize you’re over the wedding and are back to being the fun girl they used to hang out with.

Post # 14
326 posts
Helper bee

I think they ae fake. Friends are friends no matter how far in between it’s been since you’ve seen them. My best friend got married at 21 and I was still in my partying stage… Didn’t matter I was there when she needed me even though the phone calls and hanging out became less and less. Real friends are the friends that acknowledge you and care about you no matter what “phase” or what point Of their lives they are. I’m with your DH until a real friend comes along… I’d rather have none at all. 

Post # 15
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I have no advice as I’m in the same boat. It sucks but I try to be grateful for the memories we had and am trying to meet more women with more similar lifestyles as mine but it’s hard

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