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I would respond and tell her why and tell her that you are suprised that you thought she would be invited being that you had not spoken in so long and that you really felt like the drama she caused made it seem like a better decision to leave her out. That is if you ever want to have a friendship with her again..if not.. just ignore her.
I would have deleted the message and moved on. I don't need extra nonsense in my life.
Ignore it. She is just looking for a responce. You said you hadnot tlaked to her for over 8 mo. proir to your weddign and she drained you then. Why have that stress in your life. Just smile, your marreid! and you don't need that kinda of friend in your life.
agree. if you dont need to get in any conversation or conflict with her; just ignore her.but if you still care i guess you can end up explaining to her why she wasnt invited.
@LGenz: Agreed. It's clear that she thrives on drama and an email back would only fuel the fire. Just ignore it and move along with your life!
Sounds like a refirmation that you made the right choice in not inviting her. Delete and move on.
@Ryansgirl: Don't respond. You will get into a back and forth and justifications all over the place. The friendship is over. You mourned its loss 8 months ago. Don't dig it up again.
Ignore it. I agee with the PP who stated that she is trying to get a rise out of you.
@bRooklynRocks: Ditto, dont respond. No point. I would probably want to get a word in, but fight that urge! it will only bring more drama
I would ignore it. Well, actually, I'd be dying to respond explaining why she wasn't invited, but I think it's best to ignore it.
The friendship was beyond salvageable if you made the decision not to invite her to the wedding. She hasn't been a good friend if she's brought drama into your life and hasn't even been in touch for nearly a year.
You did the right thing by ignoring it.
@Aubergold: lol exactly!!! I'm the type who has to get a word in, but my husband advised me not to. So I'm glad y'all are agreeing with that too!
I would ignore it and let the friendship fade. She obviously wants to create a long lasting fight just for the sake of drama. Let her feed her dramatic appetite elsewhere.
I would NOT respond to her. She obviously sent that to emotionally poke you and prompt you to react. You have already made the decision to cut out of your life for valid reasons, there is no need to rehash the situation. It's done. She said what she needed to say, now you have a happy life with your new husband and forget that she even existed.
I'd be really annoyed, but then I wouldn't reply. Like, you said, it looks like she enjoys the drama. I had a somewhat similar message from someone before. I was extrememly annoyed/angered by it, but there was no reason to reply, nothing for me to say to it, so I didn't.
I'd roll my eyes, probably have a laugh with my FI (Yes, I'm that girl sometimes) and move on. :) She wanted you to respond or she wouldn't have said not to. She was probably just itching to get a response from you every day. Good for you for letting her keep her drama to herself!
It's hard to comment without more information, but from what I gather...If you are bothered by that email, imagine how bothered she was when she wasn't invited. I don't know enough to comment on whether she should have been, but if she grew up around drama it sounds like she just might not know what it is to live without it, nor realize the impact of her actions on other people. When you talked before, did you guys have a fight? Does she have any idea why she wasn't invited?
It depends on where you want to take it. Some people you can spend everyday with, while are good to hang out with every once in a while with defined boundaries. If you still want to be friends, meet with her and talk it out. If she truely is a toxic person, I'd at least apologize that she felt hurt, even if you stand by your actions. Idk, if you guys were close at one point and just moved apart within the last year, then I guess I feel for her a little - even though it is your wedding and you should just have the people you want there.
@Ryansgirl: Same thing happened to me (or close enough to it...) Let it go. Not worth the drama. Friends come and go out of our lives....
I would absolutely ignore it. She just wrote it to make herself feel better and probably make you feel bad. There's no need to - a friend does not ignore you for 8 months. "Apparently I don't know you at all" - yep, and let's keep it that way.
If her friendship was a drain it certaintly shows in the way she wrote that message (also draining). Seriously, reading it , I felt like my energy was being sucked out of me lol. Its prob because I can relate, I had a "friend" who was bitter and therefore draining also... She saw a Wb post about her and TEXTED me about how immature I am.. really.. text? I am 23 and she is older.. who does that? Anywho, in one breath she was saying I respect you as a person in another she was wishing me good luck on a "fake trial". SHE should have just moved on and taken the hint. She is trying to pass the misery around.
This is a tough one. In my head I know what I should tell you (forget about her and move on), but it would bother me to no end like it is you. Sounds to me like you need a little closure on the matter - maybe you should attempt to write/talk to her to clear your mind...
I have a friend that would have been EXACTLY like that, but we made up not long after DH and I got engaged, and invited her and her SO. She sent me this text this morning: "Your dress was gorgeous and so were you! kinda jealous you made it to the alter before me tho" I'm simply ignoring that little statement, as she's also a drama queen.
But, I digress. I would absolutely ignore that message. It was very unnecessary to make those comments. Could have just said her well wishes and moved on. Shows she's still looking for drama. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't fuel that fire and show that she's getting to you.
I had a similar message (along the lines of we are no longer friends) my advice: delete it or you will read it over and over and it will drive you insane.
You already hadnt spoken in 8 months and decided not to invite her to the wedding. I think the friendship was already fizzled. Leave it be and move on.
I had a really good friend from highschool who didn't invite me to her wedding, when she invited others from our group of friends, I found out about her wedding because I happened to text my friend who happened to be at her wedding that day. Needless to say I was pretty choked and haven't really talked to her since then.
It is up to you if you respond to her message or not, it all depends on how you consider your friendship with her. Either way though, you have to respect her feelings about the situation.
The lines of communication clearly work both ways. 8 months of no contact should have been her sign that the friendship wasn't intact. I'm sure you mentioned your engagement and pending wedding here and there on Facebook, too. I think it's odd that she's choosing to reach out to you now.
I think you can comfortably close a door on your relationship and move on.
If you don´t want anymore drama, don´t respond.. For what you´re saying, she is how she is, and this is all probably a part of that.. So, if you really want her out of your life, let it be. And if she really drains you, then it´s better that you leave it at that.
I had a friend who became terribly pissed at my hubby and I, because she thought we were interfering btw her and the guy she liked (who happended to be my husband best friend).. why she would think such a thing, is far from my understanding... the thing is she insulted us, told our other friends she just didn´t feel like calling me her friend anymore, etc... some time after she asked me to forgive her, and I said ok.. well, a week later she insulted us again, for the same thing! I just told her she was unreasonable and we didn´t talk to each other for a very long time.. she would call from time to time to my home, trying to be my friend again, and I went along with the conversation as well as I could, but made clear I wasn´t willing to be friends with her again. Good thing, because she was talking bad about me to other people.. I mean, seriously girl? It hurt me, because I considered her my best friend for a very long time.
I´m talking too much, but what I mean by saying all this, is don´t feel bad for what you did or what she said, if after all she wasn´t doing any good to your mental health.
@MrsNeutrino: Baha. :) People are so insane. How DO people just "find" things? Nevermind. Not threadjacking anymore sorry OP! We've just both been through something similar!
I know what you are going through, and I'm struggling with someone like this too. I've known her forever, but she's talked about me/us behind my back on more than one ocassion. I still haven't decided whether to invite her and her husband or not, but it's a really hard thing to deal with.
Good luck to you, and congratulations on your wedding!
Thanks for all your responses, everyone. I'm glad that the majority of you agree with letting it go. I'm going to delete the message from my facebook right now and never look back :)
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I had an old friend who was causing drama in my life and decided not to invite her to the wedding. We hadn't talked in over 8 months and any time we did (prior to the 8 months) it was always a drain to me. Her life is FULL of drama and her family was doing things I didn't agree with. Anyway, after the honeymoon when we got home, I checked my facebook and she had sent me this message the day after the wedding. She had no idea when we were actually getting married, but probably saw some guest photos that were posted.
"Congratulations.....I just want to say that I'm extremely hurt that I couldn't be there on your wedding day, I guess I valued our friendship more than you did. For knowing you all these years you think that I would know you inside and out and apparently I don't know you at all... I wish you and Ryan the best of luck. There is no need to respond to this message because really there is nothing more to be said you have made it clear where we stand which is our friendship is over so as I said best of luck and I am genuinely happy for you guys...."
And then I went to her page, and realized she had deleted me and my husband from facebook. I never did respond. It has been bothering me, and I was up thinking about it last night, that's why I'm only posting this now. How would you handle the situation? Would you have responded to her, or just left it like I did?