Post # 1
My SO and I broke up a few weeks ago, I wasn’t sure whether it was going to stick or not. So I guess I’m no longer a waiting-bee. As hard as it was, I think I did the right thing.
He had never held down a steady job for the 3.5 years we were dating. He only worked intermittently for his family business.
Had taken me ring shopping twice of his own volition and has yet to make a commitment.
Had pushed back our timeline three times.
Has yet to complete his bachelor’s degree because he’s only taking courses that “interest him”. AND
Is still completely dependent on his parents.
Despite all of this he’s a really sweet guy, and the first guy I was with who was actually nice to me.
Please tell me I did the right thing hive.
Post # 3
@Lady_4Eyes: It sounds like you did the right thing. You can’t be with someone who doesnt have goals and holds your back.
Post # 4
@Lady_4Eyes: You did the right thing. It’s nice that he is sweet, and was good to you. Someone else will be those things, and more. Hugs to you.
Post # 5
You totally did. Stay strong. One day you’ll look back and be so grateful. Trust me on this.
Post # 6
Aww honey it sounds like you don’t need us to tell you that you did the right thing— you already know that you did the right thing. You did a very difficult and brave thing! Be confident in your decision, knowing you did the best thing for you, and know that it will get easier!
Post # 7
You did the right thing. You followed your gut. Know that it gets easier every day, and that you’ll find someone who deserves you.
Post # 8
I was married a long time to a man very similar to what you describe. It is HELL. You did the right thing. During my entire married life with him, I was responsible to make sure bills were paid, the kids (yes I was dumb and had kids with him) had what they needed, and there was a roof over our heads. I was very fortunate to have a good job that kept us from being destitute.
Every Friday I was afraid to ask him if he still had a job because he got canned so often and it was never his fault. He was a nice guy and could always get hired at another job, but when it came down to producing, he ended up getting fired.
I thought nice was enough to make a life. Trust me it is not. I had my doubts before I got married because he also put off setting the date. I did get a ring, but it took another five years to get married. And I guess in my stupid head that was just too much time invested to walk away.
So, a million times yes, you did the right thing. You deserve better.
Post # 9
@Lady_4Eyes: you definitely did the right thing. But I know it still hurts 🙁 my advice would be to remember that “the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior” and from what your post says, he doesn’t sound like a reliable guy. I’m sure you don’t want to be close to retirement with a guy who’s had no career by choice.
Post # 10
Thank you for sharing your story. It sort of projected me into possible-future land. That certainly isn’t the future I have in mind.
Post # 11
This might seem like a nitpicky thing, but it really jumped out at me that he can’t finish his bachelor’s degree because he only takes classes that interest him. Now replace classes with various ups and downs in your relationships. If he’s the kind of person that will only work at something that’s fun and easy, how would he handle the sorts of serious problems that inevitably arise in a marriage? A marriage takes serious work and time committment even when it’s not fun or easy, and so does a degree, but on a much lesser scale. It’s one thing for some people to decide that college and a bachelor’s degree is not for them and they’re ready to start working, but your guy couldn’t even do that. Frankly, I don’t think this bodes well for anything he may have to work at in the future, so I also think you made the right call.
Post # 12
I hear you on that. I kept telling him to try college instead, or just take a three year general and get a job…but to no avail.
I never made the connection to working on issues in a marriage before- that’s a very sobering thought.
Post # 13
Post # 14
@Lady_4Eyes: You did the right thing. As time passes, things will get better. Just try to make it through the days one at a time until you realize you feel better. 🙂