- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
I can’t sleep. FI and I had another wedding argument tonight. He gets so frustrated and just shuts down. I want to compromise on the wedding stuff, not just everything be his way or everything be my way but obviously I’m not communicating effectively.
Originally we agreed to have the wedding in his hometown, which is really far from my hometown. This was when I thought that most of my relatives (I have a small family) would travel. This was also when my grandfather was doing really well (he has cancer but his numbers were coming back good for awhile). Now I’ve had a huge change of heart given the fact that there is approximately a 0.1% of my grandfather being able to travel and the rest of my family (except my parents and brother) refusing to travel. So it’ll be me, my parents, and my brother, possibly one friend as MOH (if she doesn’t come there will be no MOH) at this wedding. The guest list (as of now, probably will grow over the next several months) is close to 75. 3 of the 75 are ‘my’ guests.
This really upsets me and I don’t know what the compromise could be. No matter what, half of the family is excluded. If we got married in a central location, that would exclude everyone. FI is pretty hellbent at this point on having the wedding as planned in his hometown.
I just don’t know what to do. On top of the drama with my family, his family is basically hijacking the wedding and trying to book the priest for us and crazy stuff. I want to be respectful of his family and his wants for the wedding day but nothing is about me. I’ve written about this before and tried talking to FI. I don’t know how to compromise.
It would make me happy if his family backed off and let me plan. It would also make me happy if he would change the date to a 3 day weekend (and 4 months sooner) to hopefully accomodate my family. He doesn’t see the problem in what his family is doing and refuses to change the date. His compromise is that we wait a couple years and save up enough to buy my family plane tickets. That solution really makes me feel like he’s not listening at all. A huge part of why I’m wanting to change the date is my grandpa’s declining health. I was always very close to my grandpa growing up and the fact that he’s dying is really taking a toll on me. He’s deaf and I live 3 hours away now, so I rarely see him and it very much upsets me that he won’t be at my wedding. He won’t see my kids grow up. He won’t get to experience any of that and it’s hard to deal with. I think I’m probably projecting some of my emotions from trying to deal with that onto the already-emotional wedding planning.
FI was really supportive when my grandpa was first diagnosed but at this point, I don’t think he knows what to do. I’m all over the place with my emotions because I don’t know how to deal with this. No one close to me has passed. I haven’t experienced having a loved one with a terminal illness, I just don’t know how to deal. FI is trying to be there for me but neither of us knows what “being there” means right now. I’m so frustrated on so many levels. I feel like I’ve been blindsided by this news. My mom was telling me for ages that my grandpa was doing well and his tests were coming back good and all of a sudden he’s in radiation treatment and on high doses of pain medication, barely able to walk? That’s a shock to me.
I just don’t know how to go forward with the wedding planning. I feel like I need to deal with my emotions with my grandpa before I can plan the wedding.
I feel better just by typing it all out.