Post # 1
So I decided I just didnt want to waste upwards of 150 dollars for save the date magnets or postcards or what have you and used a great little printable I found online (weddingchicks.com). To spice things up we obviously got some nice paper, and I colored in some details with a gold gel pen to give it a little dimension, I also made envelope liners in a coordinating chevron color palette to make it look nicer.
It took FI and I a few weeks to get everything done (we ran out of the paper for the liner!) and they finalllyyy got sent out last week.
So people have been receiving them in the past two or three days, and I got a text from FMIL stating that her sister and neice got their STDs but that they had a hard time opening them and inviting us to a late thanksgiving dinner on FIs birthday…
For some reason this just really upset me! There was no excitement “yay we got the stds” only being negative! And then it just further upsets me that his own mother can be so oblivious that she invited us over for belated thankgiving ON HIS BDAY. Like, really?
She has literally been the least excited about this wedding, makes it a point to reiterate every time we see her that she doesnt have any money to help with our wedding and that she HOPES she can buy us a gift for the wedding! She just got back from a cruise to Alaska, and has personally told me that at her neice’s wedding (same one!) which was a destination wedding which she paid for herself, FSIL and her boyfriend to go to, which didnt even have a dinner, only passed horsdoerves, and she gifted her neice $1500. You read that right, one thousand, five hundred dollars, plus payed for airfare, meals, lodging for 4 people.
I had a long vent to my mother about this and feel so upset that I am upset in the first place! But I really dont believe I am wrong in feeling kind of slighted by her on so many levels. FI’s stepmom even said something to my mom about how FMIL is acting and is so disengaged in the whole wedding and basically has nothing nice to say.
Thanks for listening bees!
Post # 3
@pandaroo: Aww honey, hugs! I promise you I have feelings like this even now, years after our wedding, so I don’t think it’s necessarily exclusively a bride thing. 🙂 it’s hard to spend all this time on anything, to have someone’s first reaction be a negative one! I hate those moments.
Post # 4
I think it’s great that you’ve got the support of his Step mom, I’d say use that to your advantage. If his real mom is acting so disengaged, ignore her for sure. She’ll get the point and eventually will come around. If not, have an awesome time at your wedding and let her sit in a corner like a sourpuss!
Post # 5
Honestly take a step back and get some perspective. From what you said about her, She sounds scatterbrain and clueless rather then being maliscious or trying to bait you in some way,
Also remember this gem that is often repeated over and over o the bee, NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR WEDDING AS MUCH AS YOU DO! It’s just STD and unless someone is wedding obessed, no one is going to go gaga over the detils. Also most people get excited the closer the wedding comes, and the more it becomes real to them.
Take a deep breath, and vent on the bee, and then really try to pick your battles. If she already on your nerves then I think it’s a good thing that she not be invovled heavily in the planning.
Post # 6
@pandaroo: Don’t let FMIL stress you out! You are getting what is important by marrying your FI.
Post # 7
Eh, no one was really excited about our Save the Dates either, but I sort of figured that would be the case (because really – who cares? Everyone has their own lives, I know that)
Some friends/family did call us about them – to tell us that we spelled their names wrong, or that they didn’t understand the invitation (no, it’s not an invite!), or to ask why they didn’t get one when so-and-so did.
So I think you shouldn’t worry about it too much. People just don’t get how much work goes into these things (which also means that you should always decide whether putting extra elbow grease into a certain wedding thing evens out in your happiness vs. stress ratio)
If anything, I think you should limit your discussions with FMIL about the wedding, since it seems to upset you so much.
And I know you know this, but don’t expect gifts from anyone. I find it easiet to assume everyone will give me exactly $0, and if I get something I will be thrilled every time. When people start to talk to me about wedding gifts, I change the subject. None of their beeswax, and it’s not mine either (until I need to write thank-you notes)! 🙂
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
@butterflywings: That’s such a good attitude!
I would have a really hard time not being super annoyed by the comments about not being able to afford a present when she just spend bajils on that other wedding. Make me a mixed tape, lady, or bring me a potted plant! but don’t guilt trip me about getting married.
And your FMIL had trouble opening an envelope? Is that correct? I have no words.
What does your FI say?
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
Lol I only heard from 3 out of the 75 people I sent STDs to. No one said one thing to me. I admit I was a little disappointed because I thought they were so cool, but it’s water under the bridge I suppose.
Post # 10
@prahajess: I have to have a good attitude! My FMIL is the most snide, fake bitch I have ever met, and it helps me remember that I’m winning in the end!!!
LOL, so much for good attitude!
Post # 12
Hang in there. It definitely sucks to have people act that way. Focus your energies on the people that are positive and on what makes you happy. You can’t control your FMIL’s reactions but you can try to control how much you let them get to you (it’s hard to do, I know!).
Its her loss that she’s acting this way.
Post # 13
I’m 47 and many of my children’s friends are getting married so I guess I am in the MIL age range. I wouldn’t take it personally. You have to understand we don’t really know what to do with these STDs. I’ve been married twice and they weren’t a “thing” back then. I’ve gotten a few of them and think “Oh, how cute!” but as far as responding or whatever, I do not know if it’s appropriate to do so…I prefer to wait until I get the formal invitation. They’re really nice (although I have gotten some that are not well done) but IMO not necessary. So if it is an expense you do not want to have or something you feel you need to cut corners on, I don’t see why people don’t just skip it. We old folks don’t know what they’re for anyway! Don’t take it as a sign that people are not thrilled for you. It’s just matter of new etiquette.
Post # 14
@pandaroo: This may or may not make you feel better, but we had a lot of negativity around our STD’s as well. One of our pics we laid with our heads together, so many people bitched because they couldn’t look at it without turning the STD, which was complete bullcrap. One of the pics we both agreed on was a great pic of us, but it showed my face, and most of his family was like, “Oh, this is a nice pic of YOU, Megz.” I just got a really shitty grin and said, “It really is, isn’t it?”
I tend to try to make light of situations like that because you can’t please everyone and someone will always try to rain on your parade. I didn’t have enough room on the invite to put “Reception and dance to follow” so I just put “Reception to follow” considering everyone knew we were having a dance, and his aunt goes, “I was confused by your invite. Is there no dance?” I said, “Yes, there is.” She said, “Oh it wasn’t on there. Perhaps you should have put it on there since now people aren’t going to know.” I said, “Well, when they are done eating, and everyone elose is dancing they should get the hint pretty fast.”
Post # 15
I said, “Well, when they are done eating, and everyone elose is dancing they should get the hint pretty fast.”
Hilarious. Good thinking on your feet!!
Post # 16
OP merging families is not an easy proposition. But please keep things in perspective. It’s a STD and not the formal invite. Most people outside of the “bridal” mind don’t even know what they are half the time. Even me, if I get a STD I’m like “OKAY”. What am I supposed to do, call up the couple? Great, I’ll hold the date (or not) in my calendar. Am I supposed to rave about the design or something?