I had a small wedding and now my friends won't talk to me…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Wow, that is really harsh. Honestly, I think you should cut them out. The kind of people who say awful things like that aren’t good friends anyway. Obviously it sucks to lose friends, but they’ve shown their true colors. 

Post # 3
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

That’s pretty horrible, but I gues at least now you know who your true friends are. If they can’t understand the circumstances surrounding your wedding and just be happy for you, then it’s really no huge loss on your behalf. You can make new (and better) friends. Best of luck to you!

Post # 4
Member
3514 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Pinkmoon:  +1

FutureDrAtkins:  PP is 100% right! Cut them out don’t let anyone make you feel like a “bad person”

Post # 5
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I think perhaps these people aren’t willing to listen to you. Perhaps you should write an open and honest letter about why you did your wedding how you did. It’s a shame, in my opinion, that your friends can’t be happy for you and accept that you had your wedding the way you wanted to. I can, however, understand that they may have been offended particularly if you didn’t  tell them this was your intention. If one if my friends was to get married “secretly” and invite another friend who I felt was equally close then I think I would be upset/offended. Unfortunately, that does not condone their subsequent hurtful behaviour. I think what is needed now is some honesty on both sides, and if these friendships matter to you then you can initiate that. 

Post # 6
Member
795 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

That’s horrible. Like PP said cut your losses and in reality I think you really won. They all sound incredibly selfish. You learned what kind of people they truly are and they aren’t ones I’d want to keep around. I’m having 40 people at my wedding and have had nothing from support from all my friends. I am only having a MOH, but she’s my FSIL, but my best friend is going to be a reader. We had to make cuts and scarifices and most people realize that happens when you have a SMALL wedding. They are in the wrong not you – you don’t need to apologize for having a bridal party. Even if you’d had a larger bridal party who’s not to say you would have less drama. 

Post # 7
Member
25 posts
Newbee

Oh you poor thing! I really do feel sorry for you over this. The unfriending you and your DH *on* your wedding day is especially shocking as it seems your friend was trying to upset you on your wedding day.

If it was me in this situation, which it could well be in the future as I’d like a smaller wedding, I would completely cut them out. It was extremely offensive of them to act like that and you’re probably saving yourself further trouble later on with other things. Good luck *hugs*

Post # 8
Member
8905 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Those girls are bitches and you don’t need em!  I can understand them being a little hurt about not being included, sure.  But good lord, be a friend and suck it up and be happy for your friend, bitches.

Seriously, I would take this as a blessing that you saw their true colors and cut ties.

Post # 8
Hostess
9903 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

FutureDrAtkins:  I can understand people being hurt/upset about being excluded.  I was extremely hurt when one of my friends since grade 1 (about 20 years at the time) chose her wedding party, consisting of 7 girls, and I wasn’t one of them.  There was her sister, her cousin, another girl from our grade 1 class (her BFF), 3 girls we met in grade 7 and a girl she met at university, lived with and HATED.  She would call me to complain about this girl.  It really hurt to be excluded.  BUT, that friendship meant way more to me than being upset about not being in her wedding party.  If your ‘friends’ are petty enough to throw away an 8 year friendship over being excluded from your teeny tiny wedding, then i really have to question if they were really good friends to begin with.

Post # 10
msbarnBee
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - The Florian Gardens

FutureDrAtkins:  That’s a pretty awful thing for your “friends” to do. It’s your wedding, just because you decided to have a small wedding doesn’t make it any less special to you. I would cut those people out of my life. They are not friends to you. 

Post # 11
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I wouldn’t want to be friends with girls that treated anyone like that.

I day drop them. What are they really adding to your life aside from stress and hurt feelings?

Post # 12
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

Eww, those weren’t your friends.  Real friends don’t go apeshat and say horrible things to you.  Real friends understand.  Try not to mourn the loss of these fairweather friends.

Post # 13
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

FutureDrAtkins: I can understand your friends being hurt at being excluded, but I don’t understand this aggressiveness. 

One of my oldest, dearest friends got married many years ago. She even talked about how she didn’t have as many close friends as her FI (now DH) so we was worried about having fewer BMs than he had GMs. Of course, I was going to be in the wedding as her oldest, dearest friends. 

Flash forward to her wedding. I’m invited as a guest with no plus one. I fly ~5 hours to be there, rent a car, get a hotel room, the works. I notice that she has a larger bridal party than we had originally discussed, and obviously, I’m not in it. 

I’m hurt, but just let the friendship die by making the same level of effort that she does. Maybe you need to make more of an effort if you still want to be friends with these people. Do what makes you happy. 

There’s never a need to get aggressive and call each other names. That’s just destructive. 

Post # 14
Member
4797 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

FutureDrAtkins:  Oh I’m sooo sorry they are being so awful to you. I have found that when something happens in your life, you really see who your true friends are. And I know you’ve known them a long time, but they are not acting like good friends. I had a first wedding and I would just never do it again. It’s so sad, though, that it happens sometimes. Personally I’d cut my losses and move on. Try not to let it ruin what was a LOVELY day! I saw your pix!!

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