(Closed) I had an abortion about a 1.5 ago and it still super hard…kinda long

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
46141 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You mentioned therapy. I encourage you to follow through and get some counselling.

I do not pass judgement on your decision, ignore anyone who does.

 

Post # 4
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m really sorry that you are going through this. I don’t really have any advice because I haven’t had to do what you did… But I probably would have done the same thing. <3

Post # 5
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Agreed ignore judgmental people…People like to do that when they haven’t been in the same situation (& they never will be bc ALL situations are different). 

I would have to agree with therapy…how long did it take from the time you found out to the time you got the procedure done?

I don’t think that this is the type of thing that anyone truly “gets over” but perhaps not having proper time or even support to grieve over it has really affected you. 

 

Post # 6
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@sfigu16:  I agree with the PP. Therapy could really help you both get through your feelings. It sounds like both of you are regreting it and that he might feel badly about his initial reaction. Best of luck to the two of you.

Post # 7
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@julies1949:  I completely agree!

You should seek therapy to help move on from this. Crying and beating yourselves up about this won’t change the past.  It’s great that he supports you in this but I think you both should speak with a therapist to learn to cope.

*hugs*

Post # 8
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

There are countless organizations and online communities that are meant for women who have had an abortion. I hope you seek some counseling and maybe a local support group. It can help to talk to people who know what you are going through.

Best of luck.

Post # 9
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

you did the right thing and while it may not be easy for you to see now over time you will have better clarity…it will take time.

Post # 10
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Oh wow… I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. I also agree that you really need to talk to a therapist about it. Stay strong and make sure you aren’t judgmental toward yourself..

Post # 11
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

There is a reason why things happened the way they did. Please know that your choice should not be judged and those who want to judge it have never walked in your shoes. I also second that you should follow through with conseling and try to get in touch with others that know how you are feeling. You are still young and you can still have babies in the future when you are perhaps more sure and ready. Both of you will feel low for a while but try to concentrate on the positive things if you can. Hope this helps <3

Post # 13
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I agree with the others, definitely seek therapy if you feel it will benefit you guys.  I think what may help (not from personal experience, but a friend’s) is knowing at the time, you did what you felt was best ultimately.  Especially being so young and scared.  I honestly think women who chose that route are SO strong!  It’s such a hard choice regardless. 

What about talking to other women who have gone through the same thing?  My friend did that, and it really helped her.

Post # 14
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Honestly, it sounds like you made the best decision for your life. 19 with an unstable home and a rocky relationship is not the time to have a child. By not having that baby, you gave yourself the time to develop into a more stable and ready person so that you can be a better parent to the child you end up having. I know it’s hard (I myself have had an abortion) but when I look back, I see how waiting has now let me become a person capable of being an even more awesome mom – and that’s SO important. Don’t look back in regret, use this as motivation to move forward in your life.

Post # 15
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am so sorry that you had to go thru all of this. My heart breaks for you. I can tell how badly you are hurting and think that both of you getting counseling is oh so important. You need to learn to forgive yourself and each other and move forward. Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet. You can’t live in the past. What is done is done. You have to find a way to come to peace with it and look toward the future. 

Take the time you need to grieve. I lost a baby (not in the same way) and I grieved hard for three years. It takes time and the guilt you feel just compounds it and makes it harder to bear. I will definitely be praying that your broken heart is mended.

 

 

Post # 16
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I still think about mine and it was eons ago. It’s not something that goes away, as a PP stated above, but looking back it was the absolute right decision. It’s one of those time when you have to evaluate ‘should I got through with it knowing I don’t have the resources and mental stamina and support I need to take care of this child or do I need to what’s right for ME?’ and you chose you and that’s not a bad thing. There are a couple of online forums out there where women share their stories and I promise you that over time the sting will rescind a bit. Just keep in mind that you likely haven’t lost your only chance and this time you’ll be a great mom who has everything she needs to provide for her child.

And if you’re spiritual, some folks believe that the soul puts you in this position simply to evaluate and that you might get to remeet that soul in another way. While I am atheist, this actually helped me a bit.

Hang in there, and ask for help!! 🙂

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