Post # 1
Ok this has been bothering me for a while. Me and my FI have been living together for three years. When he moved it it was not a mutual “hey let’s live together” it was more like he spent the night and never went home. Now we will be getting married next year. We have household bills that must be paid and I always feel so weird asking him for money. Now I own my house and all the bills are in my name. He always tells me that if I need money just let him know. Now don’t get mewrong I make just about enough to cover the bills each month and he makes way way more then me and whenever I ask him for money he never denies. I just HATE asking. My thought is that he knows there are bills just live me a check every month. For so long I was totally independent anhe that is something that attracted him to me. We have a son and our agreement was he would pay all daycare fees. He has an apartment but he does not have to pay rent seeing that he is the courtesy officer in the complex (the apartment goes 3 months before the wedding). I use the apartment as a getaway and so does he. My main problem is when I ask him for money I feel guilty when I do things for myself like my hair appointment and maybe buying a new pair of shoes. We watch the same cable, use the same Internet and use the same hot water and none of this is free.
How did you guys break down the bills in the house? How should I start the conversation to discuss the payment of the bills. I have one friend telling me that after we say I Do he needs to pay the mortgage. I feel like since I bought my house I should handle that.
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
“Let’s put together our household budget as a couple.” Every household should have a budget. You both need to decide now how you want your finances to work as a living together/married couple.
For now, we have separate budgets but we are slowly integrating them. My income is the primary household budget and he pays me a portion of his check each week to pay his portion of the bills. I am the better budgeter which is why I am the bill payer. He also deposits a portion of his check each week into our joint account which currently is our wedding fund (it will later be our honeymoon fund and then our vacation/mad money fund.)
I make up the household budget just like any other budget: 1) add up our income for the month; 2) add up our regular bills for the month; 3) estimate groceries (capped at $60/wk) and gas (~$85/wk) for the month; 4) subtract bills from income; 5) set aside 5%+ savings (it auto deducts from my checking account to my savings account after every paycheck); and 6) left over money is for going out/entertainment. You cannot spend more than you make and you have to force yourself to save something for a rainy day. Having savings helped me defray the expense of car repairs which were over $700 last month; it hurt writing those checks but I was glad I forced myself to save (it’s totally worth walking around with a free Samsung with a cracked face instead of the brand new iPhone.)
As far as what proportion is fair? That is up to you and him but you have to have an actual discussion about it and you shouldn’t feel embarassed to talk to your spouse about money. You need to discuss incomes and debts at the very least. Then ask what he thinks is fair as far as splitting up the bills and go from there. Since I make more than twice what my FH makes, I pay a larger percentage of the bills but he also does not have a car payment so his personal expenses are much lower than mine. If you want straight fairness I would total both of your incomes and then divide them out to see what percentage of the income is his and what percentage is yours and then divide the bills so that you each are paying the same percentage of your salary on the bills. You may find another way to do it while discussing this idea but I think it’s a good, fair place to start.
Post # 4
You shouldn’t have to ask, I think he knows bills have to get paid he should help you pay it. You should just sit down with him and split the bills.
Post # 5
My husband and I have lived together in our own place for nearly three years now. We have always handled our finances in the same way and it’s worked well for us so far. What we did inititally was sit down and add up all of our average monthly bills for everything that we use as a couple (including groceries). We also added a bit extra to that amount so that we would have a little money to fall back on if need be. From there, it was basic math. We cut that total in half and each of us contributes 50% to what we call our “fund” to pay the bills and save a bit of money. We each still have our own seperate bank accounts and use that extra money for fun stuff and paying our own personal bills (i.e. car insurance, gas, etc.). It works pretty well for us!
Post # 6
So my FI and I have a similar ongoing problem as well, and it only took one conversation if you get your way through that one.
We sat down, talked about it and ended up agreeing that he’d give me a set half amount on a specific day every month to cover the bills (I also give him some money for a couple of things we purchased together but in his name).
That we don’t have to talk about it or remind each other all the time. We just set reminders in our phone and give each other the money.
I’ll be much happier when we get joint accounts though!
Post # 7
Oh my FI laid this down early. We have seperate accounts, and bills in other names. It is just expected that we split it. We had the convo over a couple cocktails so I wouldn’t feel weird (I had a better paying job at the time) and he was of course on board. We compared it to our college roomies. We wouldn’t have expected them to pay the bills why we lived there…so why is this different.
We’re also keeping seperate bank accounts once married so I guess we sorta had to have this convo just for shear practicality reasons. : ) Drink a cocktail and discuss it while watching Netflix- it’s obviously not an issue for him, it’s something that makes you feel weird.
I totally get it FYI. I get weird just when FI buys groceries without me or takes me on dates because I don’t like the idea that he’s keeping me. He’s not. He’s keeping us. I also help keep us. : )
Post # 8
We have a joint checking account. Both of us have half our salary direct deposited into the account. For us that’s more from him because he makes more, but it’s still 50%.
We pay the joint bills from that account. If something comes up and we are short for some reason, say, for example, the oil tank gets filled up, he is the one who pays attention and lets me know and I deposit some more.
Post # 9
@piacavoleKt: My hubby and also have seperate accounts, we share the savings account.
Post # 10
Prior to when we were married, we figured out all of our joint bills (house, utilities, food, joint entertainment) and then we each deposited half of that amount into a joint account that we used for all of those things. Then we each had our own spending money. We made about the same so that worked for us.
Once we got married we just went full-on joint account– love it! Life is so much easier now.
Post # 11
@Ashley1281: ooo. Good Idea! We had originally (hold your laughter) talked about just taking out the avg cost of our ChiTown bills and stick them in envelopes the first of the month…I suppose the adult choice would be a joint savings account.
Post # 12
@beachbride1216: Thank you. I love your beginning conversation starter.
@autumnmountainbride: Ilike the specific date. I hadnot thought of that. He is off on sun,mon,and tue. One of these three days we will have to have a sit down.
@CorgiTales: I think I am going to make a list of all bills and put everything on the table. I need to create an excel sheet and start from there.
Post # 13
We just combined our money and spend freely on day to day items – clothes, shoes, food, eating out, etc. big purchases we discuss. We trust each others spending habits and live below our means so we see what we make as one big income to make sure the bills are paid,save,and to spend as we please.
Post # 14
@pinkshoes: this Is what we do was well.
Post # 15
I had the same problem…Mr. 99 and I keep seperate accounts, I don’t wanna fight with him about money because I sincerely don’t care…we split the bills and throw stuff into savings, the rest is free game….every once in a whlle I’d get caught short someplace or another…hey, life happens, and it was soooo hard for me to ask for help….I finally figured out, through talking with Mr. 99 that it’s nothing about him, just me and my pride, I’ve always taken care of myself and I swore I would never be a burden in any fashion to him…he laughed really hard at me, dropped some cash on my bag and walked away smiling …I’m not a burden, but I’m not perfect either…and that’s one of his favorite things about me!
Post # 16
@Nona99: That’s really sweet, that made me smile.