- 7 years ago
- Wedding: August 2011
I am pretty new here, been lurking for a bit, but not posting much. i am dealing with this situation that until a couple of weeks ago, i was completely fine with. now i just am not anymore and i don’t know how to go back to feeling how i was before.
let me give you the background. i got engaged over a year ago. i have known for years i wanted to do a beach destination wedding and my FI is totally up for it. so for the first few months after i was engaged i didn’t do much planning except look into some locations. we decided on Dominican Republic. When i first got engaged, i asked 4 of my best friends to by my BMs.
ok, so here is the story regarding one of my BMs (let’s call her Jen). we have been good friends pretty much since we were kids and i love her to pieces. however, she is not a very happy person. she has always wanted to get married and have kids but hasn’t found the right guy. part of the reason is that for the past 6 years she has been with the same guy who is not a bad guy, but we all know she is settling and not truly happy with him.
so anyway fast forward say 5 or 6 months after i have been engaged (i am not sure exactly), i am at someone’s house with all my friends and some SOs. Jen is there with her SO. Her SO asks me in front of everyone how i would hypothetically feel if while i was in Dominican for my wedding, my other BM, Rita, gets married too. Rita is my best friend and just started going out with her boyfriend. in the hypothetical moment it sounded fun and cool to have a double wedding week so i got all excited about it. then it hit me why he was asking….because he and Jen were thinking about getting married the same week as me. again i was caught up in the “fun” idea of it and i got super excited. i said that would be so cool if they got married the same week as me. (a little history, they have almost gotten married 2 times before but it never ended up happening).
ok, so many more months go by and i go about my wedding planning. sometimes i check in with Jen to let her know what i am thinking. she doesn’t even seem serious about her getting married so who knows if its gonna happen. ok, so it finally comes time to pick a resort. long story short, we don’t agree on the resorts. she wants something out of FI’s and I budget only because her FI’s family is high maintenance. we have several mutual friends who would be attending both our weddings and so we have to agree on this. she brings up the idea of doing it at different resorts in different parts of Dominican and i say she was supposed to be there as my BM, so if she now wants to go stay in a different resort, maybe we shouldnt get married the same week after all. she finally agrees on the resort i picked (and can afford). well since that happened, i have just been left with a bad taste in my mouth. other things have happened since then too. she went right away and announced her destination wedding on facebook before i had a chance to even send out my STDs.
so i guess this was a vent to say that i started out being excited at the idea of a double wedding week and now i feel like i woke up and realized how stupid the whole thing is. i have even had several other people tell me they couldnt believe it that she even asked to do her wedding that week….and now i understand why… oh another thing, when i suggested we dont get married the same week…she said if she doesnt have her wedding then, she probably never will and so its her only chance to have a wedding!!
also now that i am in full swing of planning the details, i realize how our weddings are essentially going to be identical which bothers me quite a bit. i even heard about some of her plans from Rita and it was stuff like her choice for the reception to do a beach bonfire…which i told Jen first i was doing for my wedding! so it really irked me when i heard from someone else what she was doing for her reception and it was the same as me and i hadn’t even told people what i was doing yet. i guess it feels like i am going to look like i am copying her, when it was the other way around. on the other hand, i cant get mad because there aren’t really a lot of reception options at at an all inclusive resort.
i guess this is all stuff i should have thought before saying yes to her. but when i think about how she asked me (in front of a group of people starting out with a hypothetical question), how could i have ever said i am not okay with it??
i guess i am partly venting and partly looking for validation for my feelings. or maybe i need to be told how selfish i am being and i should be totally fine with all of this? i just hate feeling this way. its just since i really got into the wedding planning, i feel like i do want my wedding to be just for me and my FI and i know i can’t own more than my day. but hers is literally 2 days after mine and in the same place.
…what do you think? am i totally over reacting?
ps, i also cant help remembering something she to me a couple of years ago…that she “better get married before me!” i brushed it off at the time.