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Ya- this guy needs out of your life! But maybe you should be worried if FI misbehaved in the past...even if his "friend" is being a jerk in the way he is telling you.
Oh dear. I wish could help. Just hang in there. I understand how you feel I truely dislike my FI " best friend" but not because of how he treats me but how he treats my FI. They have been on and off fighting for you about a year. I finally decided to stay out of it. You guy's friend sounds a lot like my fi friend. For me it was just easier to "try" ( main word try) to ingore it. though it is still happening. It 's to the point when I know said friend is coming to our house; I leave for the amount of time that he is there.
that guy is a jerk his friend that is! I would honestly have a problem if my fiance allowed his friends to disrespect me. the 3 of u need to have a sit down together and be mature let it all out on the table tell the friend u dont appreciate how he talks to u, then ur Fiance should also tell him he does not appreciate it!
I'm sorry but this guy sounds like a f**king a$$hole! It seems that he has some motive behind his being so malicious. Who says that kind of stuff to someone? Is he secretly in love with your FI? Or with you? I don't know but his actions and what he says are just so out there. He has some kind of vendetta and I don't blame you whatsoever for not wanting him involved in your wedding.
If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't forgive him nor would I allow him to be the BM. I'd just be concerned that he'd say/do something a$$hole-ish on your wedding day and cause you to end up in tears again. This guy is toxic!
You're about to be his wife. This "friend" has said horrible things to you and caused nothing but strife and pain in your relationship. He needs to pick you over the friend, and he needs to do it now. If he can't make you a priority here, that's a HUGE red flag. This guy has gone WAY over the line. If I were you, I would tell your FI that this guy cannot be in your wedding and he's not invited. If your FI wants to be friends with him, that's his prerogative, but the friend is not allowed in your presence, ever. The friend's behavior is ridiculous, and the fact that your FI has let it slide over and over and over is shocking. Stand up for yourself and make your FI stand up for you.
I totally agree. My hubby had a super craptastic now ex-friend. he actually had the nerve to sign my hubby up for a "geek 2 geek dating site", no lie, that was the name of it. within a month of us getting married. That was it for me and I told hubby to stick his friend to the curb, I was not going to tolerate that behavior.
Thanks for the comments/advice everyone!
We've fought about this for months. My FI said that if he had to choose it'll be me and it'll always be me. But when ever he says that I feel guilty for making him give up his friend. And I tell him that he can be friends with him, but I don't want him in my life. But I don't see how he can be in my FI's life and not mine. But if I make him choose, he's going to resent me. I'm already feeling it. It's almost like he's blaming me for not letting him pick his own best man.
Maybe I should tell his parents (they hate this guy, esp his dad.) Everyone hates him, most of my FI's friends hate him.
Honestly if you FI knows how much this guy is hurting you, I really don't think he will resent you. My hubby says that getting rid of his friend was oneof the most relieving things he had done. That he just "put up" with this guy for the sake of other friends. Talk to you FI about what he expects to happen after the wedding and if he really wants this guy to put so much doubt in your head about your relationship. You should never have to live with the hurtful doubts that a lying friend puts you in. you will not know when he's telling the truth or when he's lying.
I would not have this person at my wedding.
And I would seriously question the judgment of someone who claimed him as a best friend.
If my FI was best friends with someone I thought was a bad person - it would so hard on me because I would wonder why if his judgment is so bad he'd choosen me?
I would try to understand what my FI likes about him so I can emphasize and understand but ... having the guy in the wedding party!? That's crazy.
Holy christ this guy is a douche! Do not feel guilty for not including this jerk in your wedding. You don't want that toxic personality next to you or your FI on your special day. I'm also confused as to why your FI would want someone who constantly disrespects you. I'm so sorry you're having such troubles. Dealing with inconceivably idiotic douchebags is especially rough when planning a wedding.
The fact that your FI is okay with everything that his friend has done thus far is a bit concerning to me. If something like this was to EVER GOD FORBIT happen, my FI would not only drop this friend in a heart beat.. he would probably beat him senseless for saying all this BS.
Since your FI is acting like it's all good with everything, it kind of makes me question who's telling the truth here..but hey, that's just me. I think you should take a step back and analyze the whole situation before doing anything else.
Good luck!
His friend is a cheater, his wife is oblivious, he tells you that your fiance is a cheater, you cry and are devastated. And yet your fiance still calls this guy his best friend?
He makes you cry over telling you about all the girls your fiance is supposedly chasing when you are not around, your FI calls him to argue, but they both end the conversation laughing?
I'm sorry, but this would raise a huge red flag for me. I don't want to cause more trouble than you already have. But are you really sure that when the two of them are out without you, the friend is chasing tail while your FI is sipping on a ginger ale and telling the girls how he proposed to you? I'm thinking birds of a feather...
Even if your fiance is faithful, this guy knows how to push your buttons and your fiance lets him! You are going to be his wife, for crying out loud, not some flavor of the week! Shame on him!
Holy **** this guy is such a *****, and I thought I had SO's BF problems :(
Here's my two cents:
Carry a voice recorder/tape recorder around with you. Record whatever snarky things he ever says to you.
He can't argue with solid evidence.
I agree with hwatermelon! Also, I am not so sure why your FI wants to continue a relationship with this friend when he is clearly trying to break you guys up!
This is supposed to be the happiest time of your life! Just step up and don't let this friend ruin that for you guys!
Theres no way in hell my FI would ever let any of his friends speak to me or treat me like he is allowing his friends to treat you
I have more of a problem with your FI than I do with his friend. Honestly? They guy has crossed the line several times. I think your FI needs a chat on boundary setting.
That guy is horrible! None of your FI's family or friends like this guy, so what's the point to keeping him around?
Definitely take some close family guys aside and make them your "bouncers" identify douchebag to them and tell them to keep him 500 feet away from the ceremony and reception premises.
It disturbs me and the other posters that your FI is not defending you more. He should feel the same way towards this friend that you do when you tell him what happens. You need to explain this to him and tell him to change if he cares about you.
I second the recorder idea.
Oh hell no! What's wrong with your FI?? I don't condone violence, but Danny would have knocked his "friend" out if they said anything like that D-bag said to you.
You're being more than generous letting him be a groomsman at all much less be at the wedding. He wouldn't be allowed within 500 feet of my ceremony if I was in your position.
I think before ANYTHING happens your FI needs to realize that this guy is hurting you and he needs to have a serious talk with him.
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I hate my FI's best friend! This is going to be a long post!
So my FI has a friend, which now he calls him his best friend (I dont exactly know when that happen because they he wasn't when we 1st started dating). They've been friends for 5ish years, but before that my FI said he hated him.
But anyway I'll give you some info on this guy so you know what kind of person he is. He constantly lies about everything, even when we point out it's a lie. He always tries to one up you on everything, and I mean everything. When he and his wife were getting married, he said that they were spending 50K. Now that we're getting married and told him the budget is 10K, he said their wedding cost 8.
So about a year ago my FI slipped out that his best friend wanted my FI to buy him a hooker for his bachelor's party (this was about 2 years ago). I was really upset, I hate cheaters! His wife is too good for him, even though she's kind of a B****. So I kind of disliked him since then. I didn't tell his wife because I'm not good friends with her, I don't think I'm a position to tell, I don't want to get involved, and they just had a baby.
A few of months after that (this is all before we got engaged. He was over our house for dinner and he said "you know how I knew you guys were meant for each other . . ." and he goes on to describe my FI and his ex gf having sex (or whatever he could hear through the walls, they were roommates). We kept saying that it wasn't me and my FI told him to shut it, but he went on and on. Of course my FI and I got into a fight because of it. I guess I was overreacting because I was hurt and all of my insecurities were let loose. He eventually apologized (months later) and said it was an accident. But how can it be an accident when we told him to stop.
Months after that we got engaged. And my FI and I agreed that if his best friend said anything to hurt me again he would not be invited to the wedding.
Well maybe a month after our engagement, his friend called me up and told me that early in our relationship, my FI was seeing other girls, but it wasn't that serious because he never brought them home. I cried for hours. I confronted my FI and he said none of it was true, and I believe him because he is an honest person. He was furious with his friend and said that he was going to talk to him.
The next week was my FI's bday and we went out to the bars. I told him to keep his friend away from me, and he did a great job until he went to the bathroom. His friend sat next to me and started saying this like "he doesn't love you. He's not ready to get married, he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with one girl, he wants to sleep with other women and he's going to. the only reason why he's marrying you is because I told him to, etc." I ran out of the bar crying, I ran into my FI on the way out and he chased me down. He was furious. He called up his friend and was arguing on the phone for 20 min, then they ended the phone call laughing and smiling, and all while I was crying hysterically. My FI said he understood why I was upset, but he defended his friend, "oh he just doesn't think before he talks and he was trying to say out of all the girls I picked you." How does that even make sense?! [also, his wife wasn't at the bars with us and he wasn't wearing his wedding ring]
We had a discussion and I told him that I didnt want his friend to make a speech at our wedding. And he said that he wasn't going to be the best man, his other best friend (who I like) was going to be it. And that he was just going to be a groomsman. Something I could live with, but I really just want him out of my life forever.
But since then, my FI and I argue all the time over this. He wants me to forgive him so he can be the BM. But I can't, I've already forgiven him x# of times. How many more times will he say hurtful things to me. And I can't say my vows when that awful person is standing next to my FI and I don't want him to give a speech. And I don't know what to do. I'm tired of fighting, but I don't want to give in.