Post # 1
the wedding is almost month away. i have spent a lot of money on this and my bride gets drunk one night while everyone is out and is all over every guy. she tries to kiss my boyfriend but he turns away…. she is known for stuff like this but her groom to be does not have i clue i feel like. i confronted her and the next day she gets mad at me. she says it never happened but people witnessed it. i know it happened because this is how she is. now at the end of the month we are supposed to go to VEGAS for the bachelorette. i dont want to go and i dont want to be in her wedding! i don’t want to be her friend anymore. i am not a dramatic person and don’t want a huge ordeal. can someone tell me what to do? go to the wedding, grin and bear it and not speak to her after that? do i still have my boyfriend come to the wedding? i just don’t believe in the marriage. I NEED HELP FAST!
Post # 3
If you’re willing to sever ties with her after the wedding, then it seems that you’re willing / ready to not be part of her life / have her part of yours. Why would you wait to take that step? (I’m just curious! Please don’t think I’m judging. I know I say that I lot, but I so badly don’t want to offend anybody, as online forums are so hard to convey intention / tone without stating it.)
Post # 4
Don’t be part of the wedding. Tell her you are stepping down now. This is because no bride wants to look at her bridal party pictures and see her former friend who stands up with her and puts a fake smile on her face.
Is it possible that she went to kiss your boyfriend as a joke? But anyway if you don’t believe that she’s a good friend do both of you a favour and step down now.
Post # 6
Yup time to go.
Historically, a Bridesmaid was supposed to be one of the “Bride’s Supporters”… and technically you were standing up for the couple as witnesses to their Vows and commitment before God of this marriage.
Hmmm, not so sure you can honestly say you “support” such a marriage if the Bride is trying to snog your fellow.
So ya, she’s overstepped her bounds… and you have every right to say… “Sorry I don’t agree, can’t support you any longer, and so I am out of here”
As the others have said, Marriages change people… they aren’t single any more, so inevitably as a couple / new social unit they take on new friends and tend to leave some old ones behind (only natural). Lol, you are just making it easy for her… “no need to worry about putting us in your little black book… we truly aren’t interested in socializing with ya”
Hope this helps,
Post # 7
Step down. The faster the better, like ripping off a band aid.
Post # 8
Assuming she didn’t do it as a joke, or she was really plastered and had no idea what she was doing, I think you should step down now, explaining to her that you feel what she did was inappropriate and you don’t feel comfortable being a part of her wedding after an event like that.
Keep in mind that, from the sounds of it, you will most likely lose her as a friend, as well as have her bitch about you to any mutual friends (if they witnessed her trying to kiss your boyfriend, then they should understand your side though). Also, if you’ve already purchased the bridesmaid dress, chances are you will be stuck with the cost – given her denial of any wrongdoing, I don’t see her handing over money for your dress. As long as you’re okay with this and any other potential fallout from you stepping down from the wedding, then definitely tell her as soon as possible that you’re not able to be in her wedding party anymore.
Post # 10
I would step down. First of all I wouldn’t personally feel comfortable standing next to someone saying their vows knowing the bride makes it a habit to smooch on other dudes especially if the groom is oblivious.
Secondly, this sounds like someone you don’t need in your life. She sounds like drama and I would break up with her sooner than later. While I would obviously be furious she tried to kiss my boyfriend, I’d just keep in mind that this is not the type of person I want in my life for the long term. As we grow older I believe we are choosier about our friends and this is one you can definitely stand to lose.
Post # 11
Step down ! You don’t need that nonsense!
Post # 12
ok but how should i tell her? i don’t want a huge deal. i want to be as graceful as possible.
Post # 13
- Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo
Speak with her privately, tell her that you’d like to do this quietly without making this public. Tell her you are upset by her behaviour and that you’d rather not be part of your wedding unwillingly. Tell her you are doing this quietly out of respect for her, because causing any drama could make things look bad for the wedding. You could say you’re willing not to bring it up with FI or his family if she promises never to make advances on your bf again. Make it look like you’re doing her a favour, then GTFO – FAST!!!!!
Post # 14
Well, face to face and phone are the most formal, but if you can’t deal- send a polite e-mail or fb message/text.
Post # 15
@Adams_bee: +1 especially about the part where you’re ‘doing her a favour.’
Also try and make it about your feelings, rather than about her actions (it’s harder for her to argue and make a scene then), so instead of saying “You made a pass at my boyfriend, so I can’t be your bridesmaid,” try something like “With everything that’s happened, I don’t feel comfortable being a bridesmaid.”
Try to do it in private and face-to-face, if possible. Also make sure you’ve got the rest of your day free (or at least a few hours), because she may hurl a load of abuse at you, and it’s always nice to be able to take care of yourself after a stressful situation. And, if at all possible, try to do it at either her house or on neutral ground where there’s some privacy (e.g. at a park, etc.), so you can just walk away if things go badly – it’s easier to leave her house than it is to get her to leave yours if she decides she wants to be a bitch.
Post # 16
Sometimes you have to watch someone step in bear trap because if you stop them, they won’t learn.