(Closed) i hate my life somedays

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Two days isn’t that much time. Maybe they had other things going on and wouldn’t have had time to get together anyway. 

Post # 4
Bee
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza

Do you know why they were in the area? My best friend lives near my parents and yes, we text and call each other frequently, but sometimes when I only have two days in area and I am coming up specifically for a family function I won’t tell her because I know she will want to get together and I feel guilty knowing that I just don’t have the time. (Holy run-on sentence batman!)

Post # 5
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I rarely see my best friend when I’m in town to visit my family. As much as I love her, she isn’t high on the priority list when I want to spend time with my family. I vote to try to get over it and move on. 

Also, are these the friends you mentioned in past posts?

Post # 8
Member
1789 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I moved away from home and go home frequently. The list of people i would like to see is never ending, but I have a big family and my parents are divorced, so sometimes I don’t get to see any of my friends when I’m home. There is a lot of pressure on your when you tell your friends you are coming home, so sometimes I don’t. I love them dearly, but i feel incredibly guilty when they say “let me know if you have time to hang out” when I know I won’t. So, I just don’t say anything. Don’t take it personally.

Post # 9
Member
9630 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with everyone else – this isn’t something to hate your life over.  You are disappointed, yes.  But don’t take it so hard or view this in a negative light.  These girls are sisters, is that correct?  They may have been in town for a family-related reason and not just visiting for pleasure.  And as everyone has pointed out, two days isn’t a lot of time for visiting.

Before you overreact to this or take it as a personal insult to you, talk with them calmly about it and try to find out why they didn’t contact you to let you know they were in town.  But, really, they don’t owe you an explanation, and it may be a personal reason to them. 

Try having a bit thicker of a skin going forward or you’re going to have a rough time sustaining friendships and relationships.

A big hug to you – take a deep breath – it will be ok!!  I’m sure they will both love being a part of your wedding and will be very happy for you.  Treat them the way you would like to be treated by them.

Edit:  Just saw you noticed on FB they came for a birthday party – if the party was thrown for them instead of by them they weren’t in control of the guest list for the party, they were attending as the guests-of-honor.  It’s possible it was a party for family members only.  They may have felt if they couldn’t include ALL of their friends they couldn’t include just one more, either. 

Post # 10
Member
583 posts
Busy bee

I have really good friends when I go home and I’ve been home a few times and have not seen my good friends.  I’ve been home and not seen my MOH who’s also my freaking cousin.  Sometimes there really *isn’t* time to see all the people you love.  Especially if they drove a long way; I drive 7.5 hours to see my family and most of the time I’m there I just want to lay on the couch and be with my family.  I’d like to see BFF’s, I just don’t have the time/energy and don’t want to lose time with my family.

Post # 11
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Sheepshead:  Agreed..actually i have been the one in fault..my “once upon a time best friend ” Frown used to send e-mails everytime she came back home (from a different country) and i used to find excuses to not see her..awful, i know..i love her to pieces and i miss her terribly, everyday, but i feel her life is so completely different from mine, we went in so different directions that i guess i feel maybe she doesn’t need me anymore..sigh..i told her i was getting married this year, very, very afraid of the answer..and when she did answer it blew me away! She’s also getting married this year!!! And we both didn’t knew about each other’s weddings!

Post # 12
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I totally agree with PPs. 

I haven’t lived in my hometown for nearly 10 years (left for college then moved around quite a bit). Some of the people I consider to be my closest friends still live back home. But, at times my life has been really busy, especially when I was in a very stressful graduate program. There have been times when I’ve gone home for an entire week and all I want to do is just spend time with my family (who I never see either since they are out-of-state) and sleep!

Definitely don’t hold this against your friends! I would be devastated if my friends held what I did against me!

Post # 13
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@TheSpoons:  I really dont think you need to lash out at Sheep. We all have issues. The majority of us have been through what you are talking about as either the friend visiting or the one sitting at home. And we also all have weddings to plan (some closer than others), full time jobs, children, home recs., etc. If you searched for this topic, I’m sure you will find 100 other posts about girls dealing with this issue. 

So, here’s some honesty for you, not because I am trying to brow beat you, but because someone has to tell you: not all friendships work perfectly. People grow up, move on, and friendships change. If these girls moved away and the contact is limited,  take it as a sign that it’s time to actively try to find new friendships, and before you go to the “I’m an outcast” reply, let me say that I am/was one too. Join a club, go to church, volunteer, become a regular at a bar or restaurant, take a class, etc. After time, that stuff truly does work in making new friends in your hometown. Will it be your old friends? No. Will it still hurt that your old friendships have changed? Yes. But people grow up and move on. So, again, dont take it personally. 

Post # 15
Member
9630 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@ohmybears48:  +1. 

Yikes. 

I went back and re-read the whole thread, and things seem pretty clear to me now.

Post # 16
Member
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@ohmybears48:  +1 to everything you just said!

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