Post # 1
I have a Maid of Honor (long-time BFF) AND a Matron of Honor (my sister-in-law). My maid of honor has a boyfriend, who is a total jerk, who she is planning on bringing to the wedding.
The issue is more than I just don’t like the guy… he treats her terribly in public and whenever they “party” together they frequently end up in big, embarrassing arguments! Not to mention she is already trying to figure out how to keep him entertained while she is doing girly stuff with the rest of the BMs in the morning- he gets really jealous when he isn’t the center of her attention.
The other, even bigger issue is that I am really going to need her help, as my matron of honor is going to be 8.5mo pregnant! I’ve already had a frank conversation with her telling her how I am going to be relying on her that day more than ever, and that I really don’t want to have any drama.. she didn’t seem very receptive…
Does anyone have any suggestions about how I can handle this delicate situation? It’s no secret that I don’t love the guy she’s with. At this point I am just hoping they split up before The Big Day!
HELP! THANK YOU!
Post # 3
MOH’s jerk boyfriend:
Are any of your other bridesmaids bringing dates? If so, maybe you can plan an activity for them so MOH’s boyfriend can be preoccupied and away from her. If you’re having a head table without bridal party guests, you can seat him next to one of the other boyfriends/husbands so he has someone to talk to.
Edited to delete part of my response: Totally misread!
Post # 4
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
Yikes, she probably wasn’t very receptive because no matter how delicately you tread their relationship is really none of your business, regardless of how concerned you are for her (or for your wedding).
What are you depending on her doing the day of? I wouldn’t worry about how he chooses to entertain himself before the ceremony, you’ll most likely be getting ready in an entirely different place, right?
You’re right, you do have some months before your wedding – maybe you’re friend will see the light and break it off with him.
You really spend so little time with individual people on your busy wedding day that it won’t matter.
Post # 5
@TheFutureMrsHobbs: I’m sorry, I really don’t think there is anything you can do about this, other than decide where your line is as far as inappropriate behavior goes on the part of them as a couple. If things get out of hand at the reception between the two of them, it’s time for them to go and that’s that.
You are in no position to dictate who she brings or does not bring, judge the dynamics of their relationship or demand more of her as an Maid/Matron of Honor than she is capable of offering, this day is important for you, as a friend she is certainly aware of that, but let’s not expect people’s personal lives to halt just because of it.
I’m certain things will be fine the day of your wedding and you are overestimating just how much you are really going to need from anyone, since getting ready and out the door may take a few extra hands for any bride, it certainly isn’t some arduous task.
Post # 6
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@somethingaquamarine: I think she means she talked to the Maid/Matron of Honor with the jerky boyfriend saying she needed help because the pregnant Maid/Matron of Honor wouldn’t be able to handle as much 🙂
Post # 7
Did I miss something PP? She said she is going to need her MAID of honors full attention as her MATRON of honor will be 8 1/2 months pregnant. She did not say she was putting a huge load on the pregnant woman.
EDIT: Sorry. This was meant for the person who posted under the OP.
Post # 8
I think the op meant she would be relying on the other Maid/Matron of Honor because the one was going to be very pregnant.
It could just be me, but if anyone ever sat me down and had a “frank” conversation with me about not causing drama at their wedding, my back would be up against the Wall. I’m not a drama kind of person, but that’s just my opinion, you maybe shouldn’t have done that.
The fact is, you don’t have to like her boyfriend, she obviously does. For you to say you hope they split up so he doesn’t intrude on your Big Day sounds very selfish to me.. How would your Maid/Matron of Honor feel if she heard you say that?
If there’s any embarrassing issues at your wedding, you could always ask them to excuse themselves, or have your other Maid/Matron of Honor do that for you.
Post # 9
@TheFutureMrsHobbs: I had a similar problem with my MOH’s boyfriend too. He is and was and will always be a jerk to her and she takes cause she already has a kid with him. I would say just suck it up, unless you can really talk to her in a nice way and tell her that she cannot bring him toyour wedding. AFterall, the last thing you need on your day is to worry as to whether or not he is going to start trouble or arguments in front of the rest of your guests. It sounds like he is a pain even for her, why does she put it with him? (sorry that’s too personal) anyway, try talking to her and tell her how you feel, hopefully she can understand and not have him there. GL
Post # 10
Yeah I don’t think I’d be receptive either if my BFF hated my Boyfriend or Best Friend and then told me they needed me more than ever that day and told me not to bring any drama. I guess I don’t understand why you need her full, undivided attention? I let my Maid/Matron of Honor take a nap. They really don’t do that much unless you find crap for them to do (crap that they really don’t need to be doing). There should be other people there to help you, say, the rest of the party?
I don’t think you can tell who she can and can’t invite unless you want drama or to lose your Maid/Matron of Honor. It is a really touchy subject, especially if SHE loves him. She may know you don’t, but you allowed her to bring a +1 and didn’t tell her she couldn’t bring him so she didn’t know.
Post # 11
re: MOH’s BF; to be honest, the only other Bridesmaid or Best Man with a “date” is the Matron of Honor (who is bringing my brother, who is in the wedding also.). I offered for him to meet up with my guy cousins, who actually live very close to where the ceremony is, to hangout with them the morning of and during pics- I think that should be okay? We are having a head table, and all of our attendants are having their dates sit with them. It’s a pretty close-knit group, so it only seemed right to have dates and all sit with us- so yes, her Boyfriend or Best Friend will be sitting with us the entire evening, which is fine.
re: the Matron of Honor… I asked her to stand up for me a month before she found out she was pregnant. This was a big deal to our family because this is their first baby, and they were having issues getting pregnant for 2+ years- so we were over the moon when we found out. I told her that if she didn’t feel comfortable standing up, I would understand of course- but she insisted- and I DO want her there! I am NOT trying to say I’m worried that she won’t be able to “work” for me that day, I was just saying the opposite. I don’t plan on her being able to do too much in terms of “BM duty”- I’ll just be grateful for her being there! I was just saying, that it’s going to put more pressure on the maid of honor, because the matron isn’t really going to be able to do much (and rightfully so!)
Post # 12
@TheFutureMrsHobbs: Although MOH’s bf sounds like a big, dumb, jerk, try not to let that come through when you talk to her about needing her help. No one wants to hear (or admit) that their significant other is a doofus. Maybe you could couch it in terms of you chose her because she means so much to you, and you need her by your side for all of the special moments of your day. People like to feel needed.
Post # 13
@TheFutureMrsHobbs: Oops, I misread your third paragraph.
Anyway, I think you’re totally right to expect your maid of honor to shoulder most of the Maid/Matron of Honor duties since the matron of honor is going to be really pregnant. Since she seems to have a lot of drama on her hands (that may be present no matter what you do), can you ask your other bridesmaids to pitch in and help out? I think that would save you the headache of hoping your maid of honor will be there for you, and I’m sure your bridesmaids would be more than happy to help a pregnant lady get some rest!
And yes, I do think your solution to have him meet up with your male cousins sounds like a great way to get him out of way. Best of luck! Sorry I initially thought you were a bridezilla!
Post # 14
@KelannaDC: Brought to my attention already by two PPs and OP. Thanks!
Post # 15
hah.. she definitely HAS heard me say that I wish they weren’t together! he’s terrible! everyone in her life has told her that they wish they weren’t together! if she read this thread she would not be the least bit surprised. we are really (to be fair, some might consider overly) honest with eachother- which is why we’ve been such good friends. I really don’t see how having a “frank” conversation when the subject warrants it is a bad thing- sorry for wanting to be honest and not walk on eggshells?
i’m not expecting her to break it off for MY big day by any means. god. you must all think i’m a troll! I was just wondering if anyone had similar situations..
I’ve never been married before, but I have been in a few weddings- and it definitely did take some work on behalf of the BMs.
Post # 16
@somethingaquamarine: My work computer is slow to refresh. I already edited that part of my comment out. Have a nice day!