I hate my mother, i seriously do!

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

2 options.

A Tell your mom ok and let her find a venue and dinner that will feed all thoes people for so little and don’t worry about it

or 

B Tell her thanks, but no thanks, return the money, plan your wedding however you want to, you can go cheap bbq or just punch reception and invite only who you want.

I’d go with plan B.

Post # 3
Member
54 posts
Worker bee

Give the money back, cut the guest list and be with people that are kind to you.

It is not worth dealing with a bossy pants that wants with out listening. 

And her calling her own daughter fat is way out of line.

I hope things work out for you and you have a happy wedding.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Keekers.
Post # 4
Member
13019 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m sorry that it’s been so rough for you and you mother is being such a pain in the ass.  I honestly can’t fathom treating your daughter that way and contributing “only” 4k and then expecting that to be able to feed over 250 people.  (I know 4k is a lot, but if they are as well off as they seem with the cars and house, that really is nothing).  But it is what is it and they are free to spend their money as they please.  Personally, I’d just forgo having the wedding and tell her to take her money and shove it and do something less expensive with your own and FI’s cash with less people, only those that truely matter to you guys.  Or maybe even just forgo the whole thing until later and do a vow renewal in a few years when the financial situation is better since it sounds like you guys really can’t afford any of it right now.

Post # 5
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Coastiewife:  OP, you hate your mother because your parents won’t give you as much money as you’d like for your wedding and she was less than complimentary about your dress? I’m sorry you’re upset but do you realise how immature that sounds?

i really don’t get on with my mother to the point that she has no part in the wedding process and won’t even be getting an invite to the wedding! I love my dad but I’m over 30 and we are getting no financial help for the wedding whatsoever! 

Be grateful for what you’ve got. 

Post # 6
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

SellyJo:  wow it’s like you didn’t even read OP’s post.  Think the hive needs a “totally unhelpful” button.

Post # 7
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

SellyJo:  I think you need to re-read the OP’s post. It is obviously not about money it is frustration that she has never asked anything from her mom and her mom has not been there from her but is dictating how it would go. 

OP – I am really sorry. I can’t even imagine going through that. You just need to have a serious talk with your mom and be firm about your position. If she pulls out then you will make due with what you have and probably be much happier. SHE is the one who will miss out and have regret.

Hang in there sweetie.

Post # 8
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

“My mom offered to give me $4000 (she lost no money in the last engagement and was going to give us $6000 then)”

“She’s said nothing good about anything regarding me. When i tried on dresses she told me I looked fat.”

Sorry if I misunderstood the above comments…I DID read your post OP, my point was that any monetary gift should be a bonus and not ‘expected’. Your mother is giving you $4000 yet you ‘hate’ her., honestly, that just doesn’t sit right with me…if you hate her so much tell her to stick her money AND her guest List! your wedding should be about what you want with the people you want there.

I may not always express myself correctly, but I am saying this from an understanding position and am not trying to offend…my own mother has spent my whole life telling me I am ‘fat’, ‘ugly’ and that ‘no man will ever want to be with me’ and I have cut her completely out of my life So I do know how you feel. 

Post # 9
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

SellyJo:  I don’t think she “hates” her mother for not giving her enough money or calling her “fat”.

As you said, those $4000 were a gift, and gifts are not given with conditions.

It would have been a whole different story if her mother told her from the beginning: I’m giving you $4000 to pay for my +100 guests… Probably, OP wouldn’t have accepted it then, and planned a different kind of wedding within her budget from the very beginning…

You don’t give a gift and then establish your conditions, that’s not how it works…

Post # 10
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Coastiewife:  I feel your struggle with lyme. I have it and it is awful sometimes. So sorry you had to go through all this.

Post # 11
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Jacksonville Inn

Unfortunately most parents assume that if they are giving you $ for a wedding they can determine how that $ is spent. If you want to take that control back I would return the money and then plan the wedding you can afford, there is nothing wrong with that.

Post # 12
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

skinnypinkmartini:  Unfortunately with wedding planning it is ualsuall accepted that if parents chip in they do get some say. In this case the OP’s parents are contributing twice as much as them, that is pretty significant.

OP I am sorry you have had hard times lately. If this is the way your mother has always been towards you, nothing now is going to change it. Tell her to please keep the money. Plan a very small back yard reception, or go to the courthouse. Whatever you can afford without her money and enjoy your wedding. Sometimes the money just isn’t worth the strings that come along with it.

Post # 13
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You know the rule: you take the money and all the opinions/favours/guests/advice with it. If you don’t want her to pull this drama all the way up to the wedding (and then remind you of everything she did for you for the rest of your life), cancel it all now, having a wedding you can afford alone and invite only your own guests. Money always, always has strings attached.

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