Post # 1
I’m having a meltdown. My wedding is in 8 weeks, and I HATE most aspects of it. I am being forced to cut many corners due to the large guestlist imposed on us by my Fiance’s parents. They are contributing almost half of the wedding budget, and are extremely involved in the decor, music, cake, favors, etc…I enjoy the help, but I also feel like my dreams have been crushed. Here is what I am unhappy with:
- All the wedding centerpieces are made from fake flowers, I know that lots of people use artificial, but it’s just not the same as the look I was going for, and his mom used to work at a flower shop, so they look as good as fake can look.
- the table numbers are not what I would have chosen, but were very cost effective.
- His aunt is providing the music for the evening via her i-pod,
- his mom is decorating our cake, which she has done for numerous couples over the years, but I always dreamt of a chic fondont marvel. The cake however, is the least of my gripes.
- My favors are wrapped in tulle circles instead of sharp looking boxes with ribbons and monogram tags. Oh How I adore the look of tiny gorgeous boxes.
Now How can I complain that these things aren’t right when they are more than accecptable for most brides, and I am getting so much help (maybe too much).I cant even look at other people’s wedding pictures from theknot.com or watch any wedding tv shows because I get upset and sick to my stomach from holding in all my feeling. I Don’t want to ruin my relationship with his family, but the only aspects of this wedding that are truely “Me” are my dress, makeup, and hair. Feel free to tell me off girls. Am I being a selfish ungrateful baby? People say “It’s only one day” but thats just it, I Only get ONE (god permitting) and I want it to be something I can be proud of.
Post # 3
I don’t think you are being selfish. I think you are being human. Is there any way you can bring this up with his family without sounding bitchy/ complaining? Have you spoken to your FI about how you feel? Is he happy with everything? etc.
I’m sorry this is happening for you. I kinda understand your annoyance at things…I am goign through similar with my mother!
Post # 4
I know you are feeling bad about his right now, but you are very lucky to have all of this help. Your day will be wonderful. You and your guests and your families will have a wonderful time and all this extra stuff probably won’t matter. You can also, on one of your future anniversaries, have a vow renewal, and then you can make all of the decisions and make it all your very own.
Post # 5
I am sorry you are feeling bad. Have you spoken to your FH about your concerns? Maybe he could see if some things can be changed before your big day.
Since they are getting artifical flowers can they get silk flowers instead? Is there any way that you could buy the boxes yourself, or buy some new favors that you will like?
Post # 6
I can try to talk with my FI about it, but it always comes down to “what was good enough for my sister isn’t good enough for you?” How can I argue that one? I know I am a bit of a princess, but he knew that before we even had our first kiss! I drive an ugly car, live in an old condo, and have all hand-me-down furnishings. This was the ONE thing i thought I had a say in, but I was soooooooooo wrong!
Post # 7
oh sweetie! im sorry to hear this! It really is unfortunate! BUT you know what – at the end of the (wedding) day you will be glad you had so much help and that all the details dont matter. Having said this, him saying “what was good enough for my sister isn’t good enough for you?” sounds like something a mother would say – not him. so maybe remind him who YOU are. and the unfortunate thing is being only 8 weeks from wedding is that its probably too late to change anything so maybe let them do their thing (and let them be happy) but stand up for yourself next chance you get. Am sure they are lovely people but like many families – dont let them walk all over you.
Am sure your day is going to be GREAT and one of the happiest days of your life. so dont worry girlfriend!
One of my friends just turned up on the day (destination wedding). Both the families planned everything. she was just happy not to have to fuss over details. thats what worked for her though.
what does your dress look like? and whats your hairstyle?
Suggestion: Go get a nice and relaxing massage. 🙂
Post # 8
oh yeah, here are some suggestions:
Ask for silk flowers. Or offer to make paper ones.
Ask to see the music list then voice your opinion. have a list of must have songs.
talk to your future husband and see if he wants to do a grooms cake? and have it be your favorite flavors. 🙂
What are your favors?? … Maybe ask if you could have them in boxes instead. invite girlfriends over and just do them how you like.
Does his family know how you feel? Maybe they think they are helping you not annoying you. if you ask, maybe they’ll understand. You dont want to start off on the wrong foot.
hope this helps. 🙂
Post # 9
I don’t think you are being spoiled but I think you need to decided which battles to pick. Of that list, it seems there are some things you are okay with (cake) and others that can’t easily be changed at this point (centerpieces). That being said, I would look at what is bothering you the most and try to change that aspect first. If, for example, you really want a DJ instead of an iPod, maybe you could find one you would like to hire and get a price and then bring up the fact that you would like to hire said DJ. In response to your FI saying things are good enough for his sister and why are they not good enough for you, I would shift the focus from good enough to different. It’S not that I don’t think your aunt’s iPod is good enough, but I want to do some things differently than your sister and make this wedding our own and I would really like to have DJ X because of a, b and c. If FI’s parents are paying, I agree they have some say but if you are willing to pay for things you should be able to do them your way and they should never get he final say.
Post # 10
Im totally with slicey on this one..Good luck!
Post # 11
I really feel for you. There is nothing more frustrating than people imposing and taking over, nevermind on such an important day. Maybe try telling your FI and have him mention these things in a cavalier sort of way. He probably knows the best way to go about it.. If that doesn’t work, I just wanted to pass on some advice that my FSIL passed on to me the other day. Her MIL pretty much took over her wedding last year and she didn’t like much about her day. Now my family is pretty much doing all of those things for me that I would love to do(but can’t cause I’m in Jordan and the wedding is in Canada) She said, “There are going to be many things that you don’t like or would never have picked out yourself, but don’t worry about those small things, just let them slide. It’s not worth the possible hurt feelings or hardships. There will always be things about the wedding that you just don’t LOVE.” Let those things, be the things you just don’t love. Although, personally, I would fight for real flowers and the Ipod, I’ve heard it is sometimes a disastrously dangerous idea to rely on that little thing to supply a major part of the entertainment. Maybe try hard for those things, but try to be grateful for all the help, and the financial help. Some people have no input, which makes you feel like no one cares, and some have no financial help, which inevitably probably makes them decide on things they don’t really like also! Best of luck. Try to keep biting your tongue, it would be awful to look back and think that you had words with your in laws over things like that.(not that those things are not important, but later on, after it’s all said and done, they may not be.) Keep your chin up!!
Post # 12
here’s a start!! see if she can do the fondant(most people can pull it off) and then your cake can really be yours(you can buy the stuff at craft stores!)
i couldn’t afford real flowers, and no matter how nice they looked, not what i wanted.. so i bought 200 candles(you can get 72 votive candles in the votive holders on e-bay for less than $50) which is much more cost effective, yet still super romantic!
hobby lobby was just running their favor boxes 50% off!! or print the 40% off coupon for michaels and just print a bunch and bring a crew with you to use them all!!
maybe this will help draw things into your bedget a little better, but i def understand how you feel.. i got to the point where i am going without before i’ll go with something i don’t want… i hope it all turns out and you still have time to whip your wedding into shape!
Post # 13
Try to focus on the bigger things… it sounds like a lot of the things you are worried about are smaller things that a lot of people wouldn’t even notice the difference. How aobut the reeption hall?? the ceremony? are they incorporating things about you? your vows? speeches etc? You have tonnes of space to personalize around these smaller details, and at the end of the day you are married… enjoy that and try not to stress about the smaller things!!! Sometimes its just not worth it, and with only 2 months to go, I think it’s extra stress that can’t really be fixed right now!!
Post # 14
Miss Bouvier, you definitely are NOT selfish and stuff like that. However I want to caution you on one thing.. holding stuff in WILL jeopardize your relationship with his family. It’s just not healthy!!!
Post # 15
Honestly, the closer my wedding gets the less I care about all this ‘stuff’. I’m not even doing favors and I have delegated most of the decisions out to family and FI.
The way I see it is fake flowers may not be your 1st choice, but they fit the budget and your FIL’s are putting their heart and soul into making them which is better than them buying you some gift off your registry. And the aunt will put just as much thought and effort into the song list.. while it may not be perfect it will beso special comign from a loved one.
Try to embrace these things as they are: loving contributions from people who care. It’s way better than paying some professional to do it, maybe it won’t be as ‘flawless’ but so much more personal.
Post # 16
Awww, honey! What if you just pick one thing… whether it be something on the list of things you are upset about… like favors… or something else. Some bonus thing that you can do yourself and be really happy about.
Then work on that one thing. And you can be excited about it. If a slight change like adding boxed fontant to the cake or adding boxes to the favors can be done, then great. But the list is overwhelming. Work on one thing until you’re happy with it. Then maybe you’ll have time to figure out one more before the wedding!