(Closed) I hate my wedding! This is long.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8464 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Quickiebee:  I made it through the whole wall of text lol!  Seriously, from one transplanted CA girl to another, *HUGS*  Unfortunately, in other countries and cultures, the wedding isn’t a day for the bride and groom, it’s a day for the families.  Try not to hate your wedding (easier said than done, I know), and gradually move towards indifference.  At least you have a built in wedding planner that’s willing to do all the leg work.  Plus, after the whole thing is over, you’ll be back in Cali with your wedding behind your and your marriage to look forward to.

Post # 4
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@Quickiebee:  I read it all :). Just do what you & your FI want to do. You do not HAVE to have a large wedding. Just do your small family wedding if that’s what you want. You can get married in CA instead of Italy, it is all up to you & your FI. I know you want to make your family & inlaws happy, but your marriage is about you & your husband joining as one. Its not about what your parents/grandparents/guests want. Sure they may grumble things aren’t how they want, but on the day of your wedding, all that will matter is you & your new husband :).

Also, I’d just stop talking to your FMIL about your wedding plans, if that’s possible.

Post # 5
Member
1416 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I’d wait until I moved to Cali and have the wedding there. If FMIL really loves her son, she’ll make the effort to come. It’s your and your FI’s day, nobody else’s, if you’re not going to live in Italy after the wedding, you don’t have to adhere to their customs. Plus…nobody should have to adhere to any customs ever if they don’t like them. Customs are just customary, not necessary πŸ™‚

Post # 6
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I read it all, and I’m so sorry. I know how it can be when FMIL is very stuck in her ways and you are not allowed to do anything the way you want. I hope things get better for you.

Post # 7
Member
4774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I hope his parents are paying for thier own party.  I’d do this:

Let them have theit party let them plan away, attened, whatever.  Don’t give them a dime for it though

then

Plan your own “real” wedding however you want.

 

Some parents just need an excuse to throw a party and use weddings as this excuse.

Post # 8
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

OOoohhh girl.  I’m a full blooded Italian and that’s how all Italian families are.  Take it from me – I told my mom I wanted an outdoor, “Protestant” (her words not mine) wedding.  I was chewed out and guess what? I’m now having a Catholic ceremony.  I’m inviting EVERY great uncle, cousin, god parent.  I mean, it’s like My Big Fat Greek Wedding, only it’s Italians.  So similar, it’s almost hilarious.  Haha Italian women can be pretty harsh if they don’t get their way.  I hope I don’t end up like that! πŸ˜‰

Anyway, sorry I don’t really have any comforting advice, only that I’ve lived it my entire life, so I feel your pain.  I hope you do find some happiness in your special day though.  In the end, you’ll be married, and in ITALY! (which by the way, I’m super jealous)  Good luck! πŸ™‚

 

Post # 9
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Atalanta:  “I hope his parents are paying for their own party.”

+1

Post # 10
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Technically you don’t have to listen to all the objections she has.  I mean you can listen, but not all of them have to be 100% final word. You can say smth like: thank you for your thoughtful input, i will weigh very carefully the concerns you have raised and will let you know my (our) decision. If you got half a dozen variations of this phrase maybe discussions with her will get easier?  Is it possible for you to take a trip to the town over a weekend and go eat (as a tourist) in the candidate restaurants? Are FILs contributing financially to this southern italian bonanza-extravaganza? If not, you have a lot more weight in all this that you seem to realize.

Post # 11
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Quickiebee:  I read it all πŸ™‚

 

I don’t think I have any advice but I just wanted to say that it’s your day, but remember it is just one day (ok and a whole lot of heartache in the lead up to it too), but his family are around for life. Even with you moving back home, they will still be his family and it makes life a whole lot easier if everyone gets along! On the surface anyway πŸ˜‰ 

 

Just make sure you guys have a frigging awesome honeymoon-she won’t be there for that… Will she?!?!?

Post # 13
Member
4660 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Quickiebee:  Aww, I read it!

I feel you, FH and I are both introverts. I loved your original idea too, we were thinking about doing something similar and got shouted down exactly the same way!

If they’re paying, it doesn’t sound terrible and I could see her plan being alright, as long as THEY’RE PAYING. If you’re paying, you should be putting your foot down and doing it your way. If they want say, they have to invest. We did something like this – planned an event that was kind of a compromise  that is MOSTLY what we want with just a touch of what they wanted, but that we could pay for by ourselves so we’d have creative control. (On the same note, you are allowed to turn down money if you want for that same reason.)

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