Post # 1
My wedding is 2 weeks from now and recently I’ve been having some stress with one of my bridesmaid. I had no intention of having her from the start. She is my the cousin of h2B and I just met her when we announced our plan of getting married. She volunteered herself to be a bridesmaid. I didn’t want to offend her considering she is a first cousin of the groom. Even though i was really doubtful i felt cornered because she just kept asking everytime we see each other. After that she just keeps going on and on about what dress she wants to wear. She didn’t even consider asking us about our theme. I told her that I already have a dress in mind. Since I thought that i still have the say and the rest of my bridesmaid have no problem with the gown I have planned for them I thought that she would compromise.
Months ago we already delivered their dresses so that if there should be a problem we can fix it. She didn’t speak to me about her plan of not using the dress we provided her. She bought a new dress! and she mentioned it to H2B after she already had her new dress. We were just shocked about her decision and she wouldn’t even talk to me directly about what she did because she knows that was not the dress i have described to her. Last week we went to see the dress she bought and we were too shock to see that the color is olive green and not emerald green which is our color. She also had a detachable train for her dress which was kind of weird to look at. It cost her bigtime to have that dress and we were very upset with her for ruining our theme which is vintage look. I don’t know how her dress would even look like vintage. I can’t have her on my wedding but i don’t know how to tell her that she’s out already. I wish to replace her. The groom doesn’t have the heart to tell her too. after all the hard work we did to have everyone in uniform she comes and ruin it. has this ever happened to you bees?
Post # 3
Just tell her that you expect her to wear the same dress as everyone else, if she has a problem with that then she is welcome to attend as a guest.
I don’t think you can really replace her with only 2 weeks until the wedding though. I think whoever you ask will know they were a ‘back up’ and may be offended. Plus if the dress doesn’t fit you will be hard pressed to get alterations done within 2 weeks.
Post # 4
@Chingot: No. But this sucks! I feel so bad for you :/ But to tell you the truth your FI NEEDS to tell her. It’s your guys’ wedding not her’s! You say what goes and what doesn’t. She obviously doesn’t care or respect your wishes, so you shouldn’t really care if her feelings get hurt. The wedding is getting closer your FI needs to hurry up and tell her.
Post # 5
@Lovemelovemyhorses: +1 if she wants to be a bridesmaid she should wear the dress you chose. If she wants to wear the dress she chos she can be a guest. But you should have told her from the beginning she wasn’t a bridesmaid if you didn’t want her as one. But it is a little late now to kick her out
Post # 6
Hello bees. thanks for the support. I’ll try to talk to FI that he talks to her because i just can’t do it. Plus i’m afraid of her. She’s a DIVA and always gets what she wants. Even her own mom can’t tame her. She’s 22 but she acts like a child. I didn’t really want her from the start because I wanted to have only my closest of friends to be my bridesmaid but she just keeps on insisting and I sort of feel sorry for her. You’re right @Jacqui90 that it’s already late to kick her out and also I might disappoint someone having as back up. I hope everything turns fine next week. Again thank you.
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
Aww that’s too bad, so she’s gonna wear a different dress from everyone? She sounds like a bully and I think you should stand up for yourself!
Post # 8
I can’t believe I’m reading this! Who does she think she is??? If you cut her now would it make a difference to you wedding? Would it mess you up with the boys/numbers etc? If not I’d sack her unless she agress to wear the dress you bought. How bloody dare she!? People are crazy arent they?
Post # 9
This sucks big time! But you have to tell to wear the dress you provided or not be in the wedding. This seems sooooo weird to me. Who does this? Unfortunately I do think you should tell her sooner rather than later.
Post # 10
@Weebagpuss: Exactly what I thought (WHO DOES THAT!?) when she told FI that “I WON’T BE WEARING THE DRESS YOU BOUGHT ME BECAUSE I LOOK FAT IN IT. I ALREADY BOUGHT A NEW DRESS.”. I thought she was joking. Unfortunately if I cut her one of our groomsmen will be left without a partner. 🙁
Post # 11
There comes a time when you gotta put your foot down
Post # 12
Seriously, she sounds crazy. Because I don’t know anyone in their right mind that would think it is ok to just pick out whatever dress in whatever color they want after a BM dress was already chosen for them. This is just so weird. Put your foot down, tell her this is how you want all your BM to look in your wedding and if she won’t wear the dress she is more than happy to wear whatever she wants to the wedding as a guest.
Example one million why having people as BMs you don’t know or like is a horrible idea.
Good luck! – hope your FI helps you out with this.
Post # 13
@Chingot: Normally, I go against this but you need to tell her that you plan on only getting married once and it is a day for you guys and the people who support you. Not HER day. It seems she is only trying to make the day about herself. Anybody, who invites themselves into a wedding party is an attention hog in the first place but NO ONE besides the bride should have a detachable train!! WTH!!! Please stand up for yourself or you will still regret it even years after looking at the photos. If you are worried about uneven numbers, just have a groomsmen escort 2 BMs on each arm! Talk to her and let us know how it goes! Don’t wait another day to do it,, you’re running low on time!
Post # 14
Hello bees. I was not able to get back after this post. The wedding was a successful one thank goodness. My now husband talked to her after i post this and he explained nicely that we can’t include her on our bridesmaid wearing the dress she chose. She was very upset with us and did not speak to us for 2 days. I was so stressed out because her little boy is our ring bearer and she told us they wont be attending our wedding. We spoke to her mom and asked her if she could talk some sense to her. It was hard for us to face her and be begging her to come and we will find another way for her to be able to walk down the aisle. She finally said yes. It was also a good thing that one of my husband’s cousin volunteered to be the replacement. Thanks bees for the advise and support. Here is our post-nup pictorial.