I hate one of my fiance's groomsmen. Any coping strategies?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
855 posts
Busy bee

@Janielum:  do you think maybe Matt is jealous of you and your FI’s relationship?

Post # 5
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Janielum:  Sounds like matt got attached to an ex of your fi’s, either that or he’s hearing things from the future in-laws or fi.

Post # 6
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I dislike my fiances BM and I now have a huge issue with another guy he is considering asking to be a GM, honestly on Sunday I felt like I just did not want them at my wedding at all.

Post # 9
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Janielum:  Is it possible that he doesn’t like you because he’s heard what race/religion you are?

Or that he could have a bias because he (or his wife) has met one of your family members (e.g. your mother was his high school teacher)?

Do you know who his wife is – is it possible she’s from your school and doesn’t like you?

And as for how to handle him – just be polite. You don’t really need to interact with the groomsmen that much, and there will be plenty of photos he’s not in.

Post # 10
3442 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Janielum:  Sounds like “Matt” is in a bad marriage himself & trying to save his friend from a life with a woman that he thinks will be just like his wife (although I’m sure you’re not!)

I wouldn’t take it personally (although I’m sure that’s easier said than done) because he doesn’t even know you.

I would just feel bad for him & his marriage that he feels like his friend needs saving from a similar fate.

Post # 11
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Maybe he’s one of those people who thinks he knows your FI better than anyone else and thinks he can make judgment calls on behalf of your FI. Maybe he has some other problem. I think it’s kind of messed up that he won’t make any effort to meet you, especially since he’s going to be part of the wedding. Try to focus on the other people in the party that make you feel comfortable and as long as this guy isn’t totally rude, everything should run smoothly.

Post # 13
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Janielum:  Another thing is fi could have said something about your relationship,  even once,  early on and matt is holding onto that as the basis of allhis thoughts of your relationship. 

Post # 14
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Janielum:  I wish I had better advice than suck it up – that’s what I do. My FI has a friend that I introduced him to. He’s about twenty years older than him, gay, and overall a great guy. We were neighbors for a while- that’s where the problems started. He LOVES my fiancé – to the point of constantly calling, coming over, being angry when we had date nights. I hated that he was competing with me for my FI’s time. It got really bad. When he moved, things were a lot better since he couldn’t drop by whenever. FI still sees him a few times a month but I don’t at all. He wasnt going to be a part of the wedding party but he made a stink and FI caved in. 

FI asked me first (which I appreciated but was unnecessary)- I said it was fine – the guys are his friends so therefore his choice – but I did ask him to be mindful of making sure his friend doesn’t try to take things over and monopolize FI’s time.

I just wanted to add that I’m super happy FI has no problem being friends with someone who is gay – I previously dated someone who was a homophobe and that didn’t work at all, especially because I have quite a few gay and lesbian friends. I don’t think that this guy has feelings for my FI – I just think he’s very lonely and enjoys his company. And while that’s fine- he can’t get angry if FI’s first priority is me (ie: don’t get mad at him because he won’t cancel plans he has with me when you want to see him).

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