I hate the ring :( And the proposal was…lame?

posted 2 years ago in Rings
Member
1787 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think it depends on your relationship.  If he is truly ok with you exchanging it, and you really want to, then go for it.  You should get the ring you love that’ you’ll wear forever.

However, my DH would’ve been devastated if I told him I didn’t like the ring. And I don’t think I could’ve ever returned it for something else without seriously damaging his feelings and ultimately the relationship.  Truthfully, I did *like* mine at first (whew!) but it did take me a few months to truly fall in love with it.  And there is no way I would trade it in now, not even for a ring double the cost or with a huge, beautiful diamond in place of the .75 center one I have now.

Is it possible that over a little bit of time you may actually love it?  You do say you think it’s beautiful…maybe you just have to get over the fact that it wasn’t exactly what you pictured in your head, but could be “the one” in the end?

Good luck!

Member
3714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

@shrubfish09:  Get a new ring. If he can’t handle this (which I think he can :) ), he is not ready for some of the actual problems that will come along in marriage.  After eight years, I can tell you that “I don’t like the ring” is actually closer to the bottom in terms of difficult conversations you will have.  

Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

Go out beforehand and see if there is something you truly love and are head over heels for. If you don’t find anything stick with what he picked. If you do find sonething bring him out and explain why this new ring fits you so much better, if he sees you really light up over it he won’t give you a hard time.

Also, if there ring he gave you really is beautiful then perhaps it will grow on you? What might not be your style today might be tomorrow :)

Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

awwww. sorry you were disappointed!  They just don’t understand how much thought we have put into this day and how the weddingbee website has given us higher expectations.

My husband did well, but he too bought me a ring that was nothing, zero like what i had shown him.  I decided to keep the ring and now i am in love with it.

Is it possibly something that could grow on you or that you could get a band and give it a little bit of your style?

Member
5988 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I wouldn’t harp on the proposal because same men just aren’t very creative, and it served its purpose. The ring, though, I can’t understand.  He knew you didn’t like that stylebut he got that anyway? Instead of something he knew you would like?  Not cool imo, and he shouldn’t give you a hard time.  You should love the ring you will wear for the rest of your life

Member
766 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I need a picture and reasons why you aren’t dazzled by the ring.  

i wasn’t in love with my e-ring until I saw it with the wedding band….

Member
1689 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Rings can be upgraded.  Husbands can’t Wink.

So the proposal wasn’t what you dreamed it would be.  He was probably just so excited to propose that he assumed the “how” wouldn’t matter.  And who really cares!  You are marrying the love of your life!!

Big proposals, perfect rings, and huge weddings don’t make for better marriages.  And that’s really all any of us want: a fairytale marriage Smile

Member
1016 posts
Bumble bee

Can’t comment on the ring because I didn’t see it.  The proposal…well, he proposed to you didn’t he?  

Member
5518 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

I can relate.  I had a less than stellar proposal with a beautiful ring that wasn’t my style at all.  He could tell I didn’t like it and offered tp exchange it.  I said I would wear it but he didnt care he just wanted me to be happy.  He was hurt for a bit.  But then I picked something cheaper.  =)

In all seriousness, this all won’t matter down the road, but you need to be happy with it especially since you dont intend to take it off.

Member
340 posts
Helper bee

With regard to the ring, I think that if he is agreeable to changing the ring you should go together and pick something you both like. If he is not agreeable you may have to just suck it up and upgrade in the future.

With regard to the proposal… What were you expecting? Is he the romantic type? Does he usually do things big and over the top? My SO is not romantic or over the top so I imagine that my proposal will be something small and simple and I am okay with that. I would be shocked if he did something out of character. If you feel like he did not really put a  lot of thought into the ring choice or proposal perhaps there should be a conversation. It all depends on how important those things are to you. They seem pretty important .

Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

He already knows you don’t like the ring, so the hard part is over.  Don’t keep it just for the sake of keeping the peace.  In my first marriage, I had an e-ring that I wasn’t totally in love with and as a result I rarely wore it after we got married.  It’s just too much money to spend on a piece of jewelry that will lay around in a ring box for years and years.

Member
2347 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I agree with PP, if the ring is really that important to you, then change it. You two should be able to overcome that and it shouldn’t be that big of a deal in the scheme of things. On a sidenote…this is why I wish that the “surprise” of the engagement ring tradition could die out. Except for people who REALLY want it to be a complete surprise…no hints or anything! It just makes for a lot of disappointment, I feel, and the guy can still have the surprise of the timing of the proposal!

Member
8046 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@MrsFuzzyFace:  +1

To the OP: I think it’s good you told him right away how you feel.

As far as the proposal goes, I think it’s simply one moment in time, and although he possibly could have put more effort in, you would still be in the same situation you are in now – engaged with a ring you don’t like.

I was never one of those girls who dreamed of an elaborate proposal. I hate big surprises and I am actually hoping we can just order the ring together and there is no proposal per se!

I think that once you have a ring you love, and you show him how much it means to you, all will be well.

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