(Closed) I hate this type of situation.

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

First of all, she sounds kind of flaky, so you might want to just go ahead and plan the wedding you could afford to pay for.  All those wedding upgrades will only be a source of stress and resentment if she never contributes any money toward them.  And you might just be happier planning the simple wedding you can afford anyway!  It will be more laid back, less stress, and if you end up getting any money from your in-laws in the end, great! You’ll have a jump-start on your savings account.

It also might help to stop discussing wedding details with her, as since she is not contributing, she doesn’t have any say in them and will be less likely to suggest more expensive details (like a venue upgrade or plated meals) if she isn’t kept in the loop on all of your planning.

If you really do want to see whether or not she’s serious about contributing, I would have your fiance talk to her about it, and make sure he comes out of the conversation with a check or a very clear idea of when he’s getting a check.  Though I still wouldn’t change any of your less expensive plans until you have the money in hand.  There are girls on here all the time stressed out because they planned for things based on money they expect to receive only to find out that the money is never showing up.  Hope that helps!

Post # 4
Member
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

oh dear that doesnt sound good.  

what about bringing up the subject again,  like saying you probably can only afford a small wedding at home now…..this SHOULD  stir her up to mention it again….and if she doesnt then go ahead and book a home wedding,  if she DOES  mention it agin then tell her how worried you had been,  and now that you’re on the subject,  can we pay the deposit NOW?  

its an awkward situation to be in but you HAVE to know whats going on.  can you FI  have a word with them? 

Post # 5
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I was in this situation with my FIL. When I was on a study aboard trip my FMIL asked my FI if he would like help with the wedding costs. He said yes and she offered to contribute 5k. But then it went back and forth if they would give 3k or 5k. I told him to discuss wedding costs with them so they could get an idea of how much weddings cost. He had a hard time with this and in general asking anything. Eventually because I couldn’t figure out what we should plan for I asked him to just get the money or not get the money but make a decision. It was impossible to plan with a large part of the buget in flex. Then she told him she had researched weddings (not much I’m sure) and found out she etiquette doesn’t require her to give anything so she was going to give nothing. She also said that they were living off their savings since her husband got another pay cut— but that was a flat out lie. Once I stopped counting on this money I would or wouldn’t have I could finally start planning my wedding.

Your FMIL probably isn’t as bad as mine….. however my big thing with my FI was to get him to ask if they wanted to just give us the money or if they wanted to write the checks to the vendors themselves. But I wouldn’t reserve a vendor unless you had their money in your account or they paid most of the cost of the vendor with the deposit. If you leave it out in the open then they could back out and screw you with the bill. 🙁 Basically CYA even though they are family.

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