Post # 1
I got engaged in October and have gradually begun to hate wedding planning for several reasons:
1. My best friend/bridesmaid hates that I am getting married and critisices everything!
2. Non of my other bridesmaids want to/can’t help out and I feel like we’re drifting apart.
3. I am the only one in my close knit group getting married, the only person I know married is my mum and when I ask wedding stuff she gives me demands and not help.
4. My future sister in law got engaged several years ago and made no attempt at planning her wedding suddenly when we decided on 2015 she decided she wanted the whole year for her wedding and so said that we could have 2015 after an argument but we better stick to it.
5. My dad just cut funding but they still expect me to get my fiences parents to pay but stick to their traditions.
6. We just moved for a new job I started so now my fience has no job and my income is tight on its own. I feel like it’s all on me.
i am a freakishly organised person it is my job to organise public speaking/teaching events so my personality hates not having a plan. I know I have a whole year but I just want to get it out the way. I never wanted a big wedding but even with a small one it is expensive and people judge my ideas and there is so much to think about. I want to elope, my fiancé wants his family and friends there and his family/my family want a church wedding. We planned to rent a cottage with our families in the Lake District and get married there but that idea even has holes. I can’t get the wedding out my mind, I want it to just be done!! I hate it!!
Post # 3
@An_idiot_a_bride: it seems like you hate wedding planning bc no one is helping you. Dont take this the wrong way, but its YOUR wedding to plan, no one elses. I can relate to you about your BMs not wanting to help, bc I was also the first of my friends to get engaged. I quickly accepted that I was on my own, and I was okay with the. Less opinions!!! As for your BMs criticizing you, thays just mean, and I would ignore it. And if they continue, I would say, well this is my wedding and when it comes time for your you csn do whatever you want.
Your father is wrong. It was never tradition (at least where I live, I dont know where you live) for the Grooms parents to pay. But we are in 2014, most traditions have gone out the window. Everyone does what works for them. My mom contributed to the wedding and DH and I paid for everything else. And my MIL threw me a surprise bridal shower and paid for our limo and rehearsal dinner. We were very grateful for whatever help we got.
Me, personally, i wouldnt be comfortable planning a wedding if my fiance did not have a job. I would hold off on putting deposits down on anything until he has found something bc you dont want to get yourself into something that you cant get out of and lose your deposit. Dont think with the mentality that he will find something so we will be able to pay this off. Sometimes it takes months to find a job, and in todays economy, its tough!
Wedding planning is fun. Just relax and tske your time and dont get too many people involved bc then too many opinions are going around and you dont need the stress and second guessing your choices. Enjoy your engagement!!!!
Post # 4
@An_idiot_a_bride: I think you need to lean on your fiance more for help with wedding planning. He’s not working, and should theoretically have plenty of time to research options and make contacts. Also, don’t be afraid to scale down until you have a wedding that you are comfortable with.
Post # 5
Don’t assume that others will help you plan your wedding… like your bms or your father, or whoever. Lots of times, the bride cares more about the wedding than everyone else [and rightfully so].
I think you should sit down and discuss with your fiance how much the two are you can afford, and go from there. Don’t base it on what you think your/his family will give. If they decide to offer money, you can figure out what you want to do with it then. If you start basing your wedding on how much you think you’ll get.. you could end up in a world of hurt if the money doesn’t come through.
Once you figure out how much you want to spend.. then you can determine a guest list and start figuring out the who what when and where.
Post # 6
I agree with the others, rarely do other people actually put in effort with someone else’s wedding! Do you think if you changed your expectations (expectations that i’m SURE you have not expressed to your friends) that you might have a different attitude? It should be you and H doing the planning. You don’t actually have to run every idea by your BF.
Try that for a change – let go of the people should be helping me idea then see how the planning is for you.
Also, until someone steps forward and tells you DIRECTLY we will pay for XYZ do NOT assume you’re getting money from anyone. It sounds like there are some assumptions with FI’s parents. If they have said nothing, do not ask or expect anything.