(Closed) I hate who my wedding has made me become (long)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@overlyanxiousb:  *Hugs*

Could you try and put things into perspective a bit? I get you’re now fixated on your weight, but would it help to tell yourself over and over that you’re going through all this misery to fit in a dress you will be wearing for a few hours?

If you look dramatically different on your wedding day, people will make comments like “wow, I wonder how quickly she’ll put the weight back on”. You want to be the best version of YOU… that doesn’t mean the skinniest.

The only thing that really alarms me is the throwing up part. Please make yourself STOP doing this. You’ll ruin your tooth enamel and possibly have life-long problems with it. It doesn’t take years of this behavior to have some permanent physical damage.

Exercising an hour a day is fine. It’s recommended.

Making your FI hide the chips… fair enough.

You’ve probably heard this a hundred times before, but it’s about a lifestyle change, not a diet. If you do manage to look as skinny as you hope for the wedding, what are you going to do after? If you want to maintain a svelte figure, you need to take a different approach. The second you go back to your old habits, you will pile the weight back on. How bad will you feel then?

Tell yourself you need to look at this more globally than simply fitting into your dress. Many of us struggle with losing that last 20 lbs or whatever.

Post # 4
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’m so very sorry you feel this way.  It sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to look “perfect” for your big day.  

I get that.  I struggle with some body image issues and it messes with my self confidence.  Add in the fact that on your wedding day all the attention is on you…and well that can mess with you alot. 

I wish I had some super stellar advice for you to help you feel better.  I do want you to know you aren’t alone.  I think it’s good you posted on here and I think it’s good you are wanting to go get help. 

Please keep us posted on how you are feeling. 

Post # 5
Member
8464 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

*HUGS* Sorry you’re feeling down.  If you keep starving yourself, your body is not going to burn off any fat.  In fact, you’re likely to slow down your metabolism making weight loss even more difficult.  I’m not a nutritionist, but I think one could really help you out and make a weight loss diet plan for you. 

I felt the same sinking feeling when I found out that I needed to order a size 12 dress.  The thing that really worked for me was drinking tons of water, eating several small healthy meals, and doing core strengthening exercises.  I also started watching a UK show called “Supersize vs Superskinny” on youtube.com; it helped me identify some really unhealthy habits I had.  I’m now a 6 in the same dress designer, and still my first thought is I’m fat; but I realize that it’s irrational now and I can stop obsessing about it.

Post # 6
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@overlyanxiousb:  Please get help immediately. It’s wonderful that you recognize the problem and the sooner you get help to fix it the easier it will be. You do NOT have to be a stick figure size 00 to be very sick and need help.

As someone who battled an ED for a very very long time (it ruined my life) I know what you’re going through. PM me if you want to chat.

Post # 7
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Sorry you’re feeling this way 🙁

Just some extra motivation to help you kick these bad habits- Throwing up after a meal can actually make you gain weight. What kind of exersize are you doing? Walking/jogging helps to build long, lean muscle, whereas lifting weights build bulky muscle. It is best to eat small meals frequently, to keep your metabolism going. By starving yourself, your metabolism will actually slow down in order to preserve body fat.

My mother owned a gym for a long time, I know that the biggest mistakes people make are starving themselves, splurge eating, throwing up and building the wrong muscles. Please keep in mind too that with all the working out you’ve been doing, you WILL gain weight, because muscle weighs more than fat.

Wanting to lose weight is fine, as long as you are HEALTHY. Being unhealthy about it is not only harmful, but it rarely gets you anywhere. I’m glad you will be getting help, these habits could be causing damage. You can achieve your goals in a healthy way. Your health is more important than your weight.

Post # 9
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Something you could try doing: stop thinking of it as “MY wedding,” and consciously remind yourself to always talk about it and think of it in terms of “OUR wedding.” Try to help shift the focus off you and how you look, and all the other material trappings of the day, and remind yourself that ultimately marriage preparation is a lot more important than wedding preparation. The important thing about the wedding really is not the culmination of all these efforts to look a certain way (although the culture sure makes it seem that way), it’s the beginning of a marriage that we hope will last the rest of your life.

It sounds like you already had good physical fitness habits before this, and that you intend to continue them after the wedding – that’s *wonderful*. As PPs have said, you want to be your best version of yourself when you marry – this crazy dieting will not help you do that. Sticking with what you were doing before, maybe kicking up the intensity a little bit, will. And try asking your FI to help you to be healthy. You guys are preparing to form a lifelong partnership: instead of temporarily banishing certain foods from the house, why not make a pact to help one another eat more fresh vegetables, learn to make some home-cooked meals, etc? Cultivating habits like those will go a lot farther toward helping you live a healthy life together for the long term.

Post # 10
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Not sure if this will help or not but the sizes of some dress designers run REALLY small.  I am an 8 street size and my dress was a size 14…14!!!! I freaked out but then realized I am still me and I still LOOK like a size 8 so I didn’t really care what the number in the dress said.  If you didn’t know the dress was a size 12 would you still have thought you looked big? think about it.  Its going to be the best day of your life and you will be radiating beauty regardless of what size your dress is!

Post # 11
Member
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m so sorry that you’re feeling this way. I know how awful it can be. I know that you know this, but I think it’s important to say anyway: you don’t have to be underweight to suffer from an eating disorder or for it to be a serious problem or for it to cause serious health complications. You might want to consider reading a book that I’ve found incredibly helpful – it’s called Bulimia: A Guide to Recovery. Even if you’re not ready to go any further with recovery, it might be helpful just to give it a read. 

Post # 12
Member
12833 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Please ask your doctor for a referral to a dietician/nutritionist or counselor who specialises in eating disorders as soon as possible.  You are quickly getting to an eating disorder, and this can have dramatic and terrible consequences on your health and overall well being. 

Also, as someone who also got a bridal size 12, and wears a size 6 in real life, this post makes me really sad. 

Post # 13
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

You’re beginning to develop an eating disorder.

If you want to nip this in the bud (and I really, really think you should), you need to change your emphasis from being thin to being healthy. I know you only have a month, but eating disorders aren’t always as easy to stop as you think theyre going to be. Besides, the furry face that not eating gives you isn’t going to look very good with the facial roundness that bulemia gives you. There’s no sense in having a thinner body when it will mess up the way your face looks. That’s besides all the long-term internal damage it causes, which I am sure you already know about.

 

 

Post # 14
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

@abbie017:  +1

I know you said you don’t want anyone “harping on you” to get help but you have slipped into disordered eating, and you really need to seek medical guidance. Been there, done that and it almost cost me my life. Please do not delay in contacting your doctor. It is not something you can “fix” on your own.

Post # 15
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

The thing is, you say you’ll go back to normal after the wedding, but believe me it really is not that simple…

I suffered from an ED, and was pretty much recovered when I went dress shopping, I ended up buying a dress in a UK size 10…. I was also gutted as I am normally a high st 6-8…. apparently wedding dresses come up smaller which is why I had to have a 10…

I bought the dress 16 months before my wedding, and realised that I had to lose a few pounds so that my dress would fit… it was the first time in years that I was in that position and it was extremely difficult not to fully relapse, once you start that cycle, particularly making yourself sick if is very hard to stop.

I forced myself to only weight myself once a week, normally mid week first thing in the morning, I used forums for healthy balanced diet tips and I pushed myself through the 30 day shred, please go to counselling or speak to your doctor to stop this before it starts, it really isn’t something that you can just pick up and put down 

Post # 16
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Lovemelovemyhorses:  whereas lifting weights build bulky muscle.

This is simply not true. Women do not have enough testosterone to “bulk up,” and unless you’re lifting 50+ pounds in a serious weight training regimen, you are NOT going to look like a body builder. 

However.

You have developed and eating disorder, plain and simple. Please seek professional help, because this will not go away after the wedding or on its own.

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