Weddingbee boards

I havent been on wedddingbee since NOVEMBER!

I am completely obsessed with anything weddings, was having so much fun planning mine. (Long engagement- 2+ yrs) When my best friend got engaged and married a few short months later. I was completely excited for her and gracefully took my roll as MOH. (she also lives in another state but we have remained close). I bought my dress, bought my plane ticket, emailed her with suggestions, ideas, gave feeback on hers and was so exited for her. It came time for her wedding, I took off work for a week and flew down there to participate in all the festivities. The moment that i stepped off the plane, she was a total nightmare. She was mean to me, she said mean and hurtful things, she wasnt appreciative of anything! Not the person that I knew. She had 5 bridesmaids and myself all trying to swallow our pride and our feelings and do whatever she wished. The day of her wedding she had a total meltdown and screamed at her mother who was being nothing but accomodating. I left the day after the wedding, I didnt get a thank you, I didnt recieve anything (not that I was expecting anything) she didnt even drop me off at the airport, her mother did. I havent spoken to her since.

I am a bride myself. I dont have any respect for people who treat the people they love like that. We have been friends for 20 yrs. (since kindergarten) and she didnt show one ounce of friendship the entire week I was there. She made a smart comment about my hair, my weight, my bringing some school work with me so i didnt fail my final when I returned home, I even made dinner for her and her fiance (and bought all the ingredients) and didnt even get a thank you or wow thats yummy. I know the wedding was not about me and  I never expected it to be, but a thank you for all the effort and time and money i put into her and her special day wasnt even noticed.

I work full time and go to school full time. I had to take off work and not get paid for 2 of the days. I had to use my school money to buy the dress and plane ticket. I had to scrape nickels and dimes to get her the gift she wanted for her wedding. (yes she told me what she wanted me to buy her and of course it was over $200 on top of the $400 I had already put out for the dress and tickets).

So three months later, i still havent spoken to her and I havent even wanted to plan my own wedding. Her and her non manners left such a bad taste in my mouth, I am just not getting excited for my own wedding.

She is the MOH in my wedding next year and I dont want any of her negativity or drama in my wedding. Should I be angry or should I just let it go?

Damn.

The "I don't care part of me" says that you should tell her what's what, and let her know that if she brings that attitude to your wedding, then she can stay home.

The more rational, people pleaser part of me says that I would give her a call to catch up and see what's what with her. Maybe the stress was just too much for her and she broke. If she was that awful to that many people, I'm sure someone made a comment about it.  Most likely at your wedding she'll be relaxed and fine, since the pressure is off of her. But I'd definitely talk to her, or someone that knows her at least, and try and figure out what the heck happened. I would want to know that it wasn't going to happen at my wedding, before I invited her and all of her negativity to my wedding.

Good luck. And I'm sorry you had such a rotten experience.

I spoke to her about 2 weeks after the weddin (i called her) and asked how her honeymoon was. She complained that it wasnt what she expected (her parents paid for every thing, wedding and honeymoon, they went to disneyworkd with their son for the honeymoon). She was completely negative about everything. I asked her how she felt the wedding went and she just said horrible. She said her photographer sent her some proofs of the pics just to look at while the whole disk was being done and she said everyone looks so blah in the pictures. She said no one was smiling on the wedding party, the guest looked miserable and no one was dancing. I tried to bring up the fact that she was a total Bit** without actually saying it and she said that she wasnt being mean to anyone that everyone was just pissing her off that day. We kind of hung up the phone wierd and we havent spoken since. She hasnt called, text, emailed, nothing.

She used to be close to my brothers also. We all grew up together. Both my brothers are in the service and one was just deployed to Afghan a few weeks ago. She didnt even call to see if I was ok or If i had heard from him. I feel like she just doesnt care about our friendship anymore. She doesnt care about my life or anything about it. Its sad to think that a 20 yr friendship has dissolved. but we are no where near the friends we used to be. I miss the person she used to be but I dont like her now.

I think I may just ask her to step down. Or just dont tell her at all since she doesnt even bother contacting me. She has pretty much said it in her actions.

KMsull- your absolutely right. I have to think about my wedding day and who is going to be the best positive energy around me. She is def not one of those people. I hadnt seen her in a few years before her wedding. But we spoke about once a week. I guess I hadnt noticed the change in her before because i was so busy with work and school. Now looking back, i see that I have been the only person putting in effort to our friendship.

Its sad.

Should I call her or just let it go?

thanks for the advice. I think Ill call her this weekend. I dont even know if an apology is worth it at this point. If she does apologize I still think Id be angry. Well See.

I don't know if I would even call. Honestly. You have to decide if the relationship is worth saving. You said you don't like who she is anymore. I'd say if you are interested in saving the relationship I would call. But with your last comment; you said even if she apologizes you might still be angry. If that's the case I probably wouldn't even call. If you want nothign more from the relationship; I'd wait and when & if she calls I'd be polite and not talk wedding enless she brings it up. & if she brings it up I'd say that since you hadn't heard from her in soo long and she was soo disrespectful your whole weeks stay @ her wedding that you decided to ask someone else to be your MOH. Sounds like a pretty toxic friend & I'd say your better off ridding of her. JMO Hope you figure things out!!!!