Weddingbee boards

I recently found out that my late brother (he passed away suddenly two years ago) had a son that none of us knew about. He had two other sons, one of whom passed away suddenly this spring, so I'm still getting over that, too. Anyway, new nephew just connected with my other  nephew and they apparently hit it right off. And so my nephew has just asked me if my new nephew can come to the wedding. (This is really complicated to write and I hope I have made it clear.)

It's not that I don't want to meet him - I really do! But it just feels kind of weird to have it be at my wedding, which is already going to be a fairly emotional day. I did say he was welcome at the ceremony, but I didn't think I could squeeze him into the reception. This is close to the truth - I'm at 49 right now and the absolute max the venue holds is 50. Technically, it's supposed to be 45, but the owner has allowed me a few overs. I'm sure I could squeeze one more in if I had to. It won't cost anymore, or anything. But I just feel weird about it. It's an afternoon reception, and afterwards there is going to be an informal gathering at my mom's. There's no problem with him coming to that, in terms of space. 

How weird would it be to have him at the ceremony, NOT at the reception, but then at the thing afterward? Should I just say, WTH, let him come to the reception? Part of my hesitation is that I know my sister (MOH) might react negatively. My mom says it's my wedding and my decision, and I know that is true, but I really don't want to alienate my sister (who is also my best friend) over it.

Well, obviously I won't be sleeping tonight, stewing over this. 

I would say invite him.  I think it would be weird to have him at the ceremony and after party but not at the reception.  (I added a guest that wasn't on our list just 5 days before our wedding.)  It might not be the best place to meet him for the first time, but it will make him feel like he is part of your family.  I am not sure what to say about how it will make your sister feel.  Why might she react negatively to your new nephew being there? Good luck making this decision.  I will keep you in my thoughts. 

Well, this morning I'm cool with inviting him. FH is fine with it, too. I sent a diplomatic email to my sister to feel out her reaction - it's hard to explain why she might react negatively (very long story and extreme family drama involving my late brother etc.) and she might be perfectly OK with it. I love her to bits and we have the best relationship, but there is no getting around that we are very different personality-wise! My feeling is that first she will say NO WAY, and then in a few days she'll be OK with it.

I do really want to meet him. Apparently he is so much like his dad, it's kind of freaky. He never actually met my brother, but his mom had told him the name. It's great for my other nephew, because having lost his dad and his only brother, and being completely estranged from his mother, he has been pretty alone. Now he has a new brother, and they get along great, so I am very happy for him.

I am glad that it looks like everything will work out.  I think this will be good for you and your family.  Enjoy your new nephew.

Upon further discussion with family members and fiance, I have decided that meeting a new family member on an already emotionally-charged day is not the best idea. Not everyone is on the same page about wanting to meet him, and I don't want to force the rest of my family into something they are not ready for. Also, I don't want my family to be spending my wedding day explaining the mystery guest to everyone else (it's a fairly small reception, and no chance for him to be lost in the crowd or anything). And then there would be the explanations to my fiance's family, etc. Part of it is selfish, I know, but it is our wedding and that kind of drama seems like it could be a huge distraction from our day. The wedding is in three weeks, and he lives in another city, so there is no opportunity for us all to meet him beforehand. 

I have contacted him (he is 26) and explained that although I would like to meet him, I am not comfortable with it being at my wedding. I feel bad, because I sort of said yes, and then I said no. But I would rather feel a little awkward and bad now, than on my wedding day. 

fontgoddess, perhaps invite him to the after party at your mom's place? or perhaps out for brunch the day following your wedding?

It was an awkward conversation, yes, but he understands even if he is a bit hurt. I'm glad I did it now. I am hoping to meet him after the honeymoon if he can manage it. In terms of the after party at my mom's ... that is her call. She wants to meet him, too, but that day would just be really hard. She'd have to make all these explanations to extended family and new in-laws who don't know the story, and it would just be really difficult for her.

One thing I should also add is that he looks a LOT like my late brother, which is not bad, but would be very disconcerting to us all. We are all going to be missing my late father, and brother, and nephew like crazy on that day. 

It's just incredibly bad timing, unfortunately. I think I have made it clear to him that it would be best if we can meet him at a less crazy time.

Another issue is that although some of my family are keen to meet him, others are not so much. And that is perfectly OK. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings and to work through these things in their own time. I don't want to force anyone into a meeting they are not ready for, especially on a day when I want everyone to be happy and having a good time.