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I agree with your future FI.. I don't see a problem with wearing the dress you have. You never had pictures taken in it, never walked down the aisle in it... right now it's just a dress in your closet. But it's up to you ultimately.
Well, this is totally a personal choice -- there are obviously pros & cons to each decision, and I could see why you'd go either way. I would sell it, give the money to my parents, and buy another, simpler dress that didn't have any ties to the old wedding. I would just feel like it was weird to wear the dress in which I was going to marry someone ELSE.
If it were me I would sell it and use the money to get something better suited for where I am in life now. Rather than having remnants of the past relationship at the new wedding. Especially if you are thinking of going simpler this time. Maybe you could break even budget-wise.
But it's not me... it's totally up to you, hon!
If you could have any dress in the world, would it be this dress?
If yes, then keep it, if no, then sell it. I doubt your parents would accept the money back if they are the way you described them, so you may be able to use that money towards a new dress. If I were you, I would wait until you are actually engaged. Go on a shopping trip or two and see if there are other dresses out there that suit you better at this point in your life. If you find that you now love a simpler style, then sell the old dress. If you find yourself drawn to things that are very much like the old dress, then stick with it.
You have to love your dress. Do you LOVE this dress you have? Or do you think you would like a different type of dress even better?
I don't know how much time it's been since you got the dress, but if you or your parents had a problem with keeping the dress, i think it would have been returned after the break-up. So I say either keep the dress if, like your FI says, you feel beautiful in it, or talk to your parents about selling the dress to get a new one. But you need to answer the original questions first.
I think if you really love the dress and you want to wear it for your future wedding then I think you should keep it. If you really feel you want something different now look around and see if you can get something you like cheaper. You may be surprised.
Keep it. If your SO's cool with it, and you're cool with it, that's an expense you don't have to worry about now. However, if you think wearing it will give you any bad feelings or thoughts of your ex on your wedding day, sell it and use the money towards a new dress.
As far as your parents are concerned, I don't think you should feel guilty. They gave you a gift - paying for your wedding. True, the wedding didn't happen, but that's beside the point. Would they rather you have gotten married and be miserable or divorced now? Anyway, they were willing to put forth money for your wedding, and they did. I think it's good that you're not expecting them to pay again, but I don't think you're obligated to pay it back. Isn't paying for your wedding now like paying it back?
It's obviously your decision but if I was in your shoes I would sell the dress and give the money to my parents. Even though it doesn't equal what they lost in the deposits and they haven't asked for it back I think it is a nice gesture. If they insist you keep the money then I would use it to buy a new dress that has no ties to the past! Good luck!
I agree with the previous poster about selling it and giving the money to your parents.
BUT then again, I know how hard it is to find a dress, if you got one and you never have worn it, Why not??
I dont see the problem.
If your FI is okay with it there is no problem with keeping it!
Financially, you probably wouldn't make back enough money on the dress to justify the new expense of buying another one (like, if you get back $500 and buy a new dress for $250, you've only recouped 25% of the original dress). Instead, why not keep it, wear it, and then sell it?
It sounds like you'd prefer a very different dress even now to the style of the one you've had. That alone should convince you to forget the few hundred dollars you'd lose and find something that suits you better that you could still afford after you sold the dress in your closet (assuming you kept the money). But then there's the fact that it's the dress you were going to wear to marry another man. I don't know about you, but I think most women would find that kind of weird. I would hope you could go through you wedding day without looking in the mirror and being reminded a lot of the relationship you had before and the wedding you were planning back then. Plus, let's be honest here: you described this dress as "ornate", and if it's anything less than a simple and very classic dress, it's probably going to look a bit dated by the time your wedding rolls around (how many years will it have been since you purchased it?). Plus you might not even be the same size and you might have to spend a few hundred on alterations! You don't want to do that for a dress that you don't love as much anymore, and one that you bought to symbolize your previous relationship.
That's just my take.
For me, I think I would have to think long and hard about whether I bought the first dress because I felt like it was the only dress for me, or if I bought it because it was what I thought my fiance would love to see me in. If it's the latter, I wouldn't want to feel like I'm wearing the dress meant for someone else down the aisle.
To me it doesn't sound like you are in love with the dress or think it's the only one you could ever be happy with. It sounds like you would wear it for the simple reasons of a) saving money and b) not having to go dress shopping again. For me, those aren't good enough reasons because I am big on fresh starts and new memories :) I'd sell it and offer the money to your parents. They might not accept it in which case you can use the money for another dress. If they do accept it, it might help you feel less guilty :) And you can buy a dress that you *do* love, that suits the wedding you're planning and suits you and your FI's tastes as well.
If money is the main reason you were thinking of selling it, I would just do this after the wedding and give that money to your parents. However, if you want to sell it because you feel bad that it was meant for your previous FI or because you don't love it anymore, go ahead and sell it now.
If you love this dress and you know its the one when you put it on then keep it!!!!! If your FI is ok with it and if your ok with wearing it then just keep the dress!!! Thats one less worry that you have to do when you plan your next wedding.
Like @Soon2beeMrsM, I would sell it and give the money back to my parents. If they refused, I would use the money to buy a new dress.
Thanks for your feeback, Bees! I think I've come to the conclusion that while it's a very nice dress, I don't want to wear it on my wedding day. So, selling it it is! I will be giving the $$ back to my parents. I'd rather start with a clean slate when I do marry my SO.
With that said, where do you recommend selling it? There's a local bridal consignment store I could sell it through, and I will obviously be posting it in the WB Classifieds, but does anyone suggest any other avenues? I don't really want to post it on CL and have 10 ladies trying it on...
Thanks ladies!
I second JennyPenny. You'd probably only get a fraction of the cost back, and then have to respend that money down the road. If you do like the dress, keep it.
YAY!!! I'm glad you made that choice.. I personally just couldn't imagine getting married in a dress that was intended for a previous wedding. I just don't think I would be able to shake the thought. And trust me, the perfect one for you this time around is out there! You will find it and love it even more than the other one.
I am sure your parents will also reeeeally appreciate your gesture, too. It is very thoughtful of you :)
I would definitely try www.oncewed.com
Good luck!!
Vonnegurl, that's been my logical argument the whole time. But in the end, I guess I'd rather spend a bit more money that reuse something I can't shake bad memories out of. It's unfortunate, but...oh well. :)
Thanks, gocubbies! Appreciate the link too.
I must have posted right as you were ;). It sounds like you're making a good decision for yourself! Truth be told, I'd probably resell it if it were me. Best of luck!
thats so weird im in the same boat ive actually started dating someone who has serious FI potential and he knows about my dress and the first thing he was was you bought because you loved it not because your ex loved it! such a sweetie.. i say if you still love it keep it, if not start over!
I would not keep the dress - bad karma. That was the dress you were going to wear to marry another man - and if you're anything like me you probably envisaged wearing it on the big day walking down the aisle a 1000 times. It's cool that your FI has no problem with that, he sounds lovely, but it will always be a dress with memories of your ex-FI attached to it. Sell the dress and move on. Don't worry about your parents. They love you and I am sure would prefer a cancelled wedding to years of heartbreak. I totally get why you're feeling bad though - I often thought what I would do in a similar situation and once you're on the wedding merry-go-round it's so hard to get off it. Amazing for being so courageous...
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Okay, I've deleted this post about three times because it keeps getting too long, so here's as short as I can get it:
I was engaged, broke it off, and now have found my future-FI. We plan on getting married within the next few years, and are planning an engagement possibly by the end of the year. My parents were footing the bill for my previous wedding, and we have no intention of asking/expecting any money from them for this one (not that they wouldn't give it, but they're both out of work now, things are very tight for them financially, and they lost about $7k in deposits on my wedding-that-never-was - insert a massive amount of guilt here.) We have every intention of paying for our wedding ourselves.
Here's the sticky: I still have the wedding dress from my previous engagement in my closet. Never worn. Tags on. Staring at me. Part of me says I should sell it and give the money I make off it back to my parents, and the other half of me says I should keep it for my future wedding. Strangely enough, my SO was the one that suggested we re-use it. His logic is that I bought it because I felt beautiful in it, and since I never used it, it's no big deal. My parents haven't said a thing about it, or wanting money from it. It's a $1000 dress so it's not exactly a small amount of money, and if I bought another dress from out of my own pocket, the budget would have to be significantly less.
Part of me feels like I should get a new dress, something simpler and refreshing - the one I have is pretty ornate. But another part feels like I should just wear it, and be done with it - I think that's the part that burnt out on wedding planning the first time around. I'm a lot more grounded this time, and am pretty content with having a gorgeous garden wedding at my parents house. The dress I have would work just fine for that.
Okay, I think that's all of it!
What would you do, hive?