(Closed) I have an Evil Step Mother…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This is just horrible. I’m so sorry :-/ I think you need to have a talk with just you and your dad. Point out the RUDENESS this woman displays in front of his own mother and children and ask him if he thinks thats ok. If he REALLY thinks that, that is the kind of woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

Post # 4
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Sorry, that’s tough. 🙁 I would try to talk to your dad about how this made you and your brother feel, but not shut the door on seeing them again. If he doesn’t get it, maybe try to arrange for meeting up without his new wife? 

Post # 5
365 posts
Helper bee

That sucks, but I wouldn’t focus so much on how awful she is… I would think about what to do because of her awfulness. Kind of like a bad boss, there’s not much you can do about a bad stepmom but work with them. Your dad isn’t going to talk with you, say ‘you’re right, what a bitch’ and divorce her.

Have you tried engaging her in conversation? When she pulls out her novel, ask about where she’s from, and what it’s like here as opposed to there, what she’s been up to lately, etc. Lead by example.

I’m kind of shy, and I’ve been told that can come off as bitchy… sometimes, it’s easier to exclude yourself and play on your cell phone than it is to risk failing at conversation. But if someone were to start asking me about myself, I’d love to talk to them… maybe try that. Or maybe even ask her to spend a little 1:1 time together!

once she sees that she doesn’t have to compete with you for your father’s love, and that you can be a friend to her, maybe it’ll be a different story. I’m sorry; this sounds rough.

Post # 7
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

It is possible she has no clue what to say or how to act. The customs are so different here. I would try to engage her in some harmless conversation about her novel next time to break the ice. “What are you reading” or “Is at good book?” should be harmless enough.

They are trying to work out their relationship. It can be rough to navigate through the cultural waters within a couple. Your dad could have quite a bit on his plate trying to work his marriage out. Try to be understanding without judging him. He is only a man, and all people make mistakes 🙂

Post # 8
48 posts

@Silver Plum Fairy:  I’m sorry that you are being treated this way.  It sounds like either your step mother just doesn’t get it or her culture accepts this sort of behavior.  Perhaps her sticking her nose in her book was because she doesn’t know what to say.  I agree with the other person who replied and suggested that you start a conversation with her.  I’m a step mom and whenever my husband and his kids get together, I feel very left out and pretty much so hurt.  Perhaps it’s easier for her to play with her cell phone or read her book than to deal with the hurt she’s feeling.  It’s tough for all parties involved, I know. 

Your dad and step mother not having a table set for 7 may just very well have been because they didn’t think it was a big deal to have the settings there before you arrived.  Maybe they felt it was okay to just add the settings upon your arrival.  It sounds to me that there may be a little bit of a competition for your father’s attention.  Only your dad can fix that.  Talk with him and then get to know her.  When you both have gotten to know one another more, perhaps both of you will feel better.  Of course, this is my advice to you; but I wish I could follow it myself!  I don’t bother talking with my step daughter anymore because she has made it very obvious that she doesn’t like me.  That approach hasn’t helped matters, though.  At least not for me.  I’m a very sad step mom.  I wish things could be better but I don’t know how to do it.  I hope you work things out.  You’ll feel much better if you do.  Good luck to you.  My heart goes out to you. 

Post # 9
808 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Maybe catch up with her one on one and have a nice time….then you might be able to have something to talk about in a group situation

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