Wow. Thank you so much everyone.
nerdybird: KC-2722: Both of your experiences are helpful. I have friends I can talk to, even family. I’m just so private with respect to what’s going on my head, I’ve not thought about bringing it up to anyone other than my fiance.
lovekiss: It certainly wouldn’t hurt, you’re right. I want to have the best life possible, that’s why I’m struggling with these feelings so much. I have so much good around me and I’m feeling like I can’t enjoy it because of these silly thoughts that take up so much of my time.
Brielle: This is so helpful, you’re right it is unlikely and I need to focus on productive thoughts. The question the most struck a nerve is “What am I going to do if he cheats?”, that’s what scares me the most. We’ve built such a great life together and I’m so proud of it. If he cheated on me everything we have together would be gone including him. I can’t understand why I’d be this fearful but you’re right that its not healthy or positive, I should work with a professional to get to the root of why I feel this way. Thank you so much for this.
OUgal0004: Thank you. I have reached out to him about this before and he’s been amazing and receptive, my struggle is continuing to reach out to him about something like this but you’re right, I should. I’d say the fear is somewhat new, I do have fears of divorce as my parents are divorced and I viewed it as completely normal and a fact of life.. So getting engaged definitely brought up some feelings I wasn’t prepared for but I was still overwhelmingly excited to be ‘officially’ spending my life with him.
I think I’m most afraid of losing him. The part that disturbs me the most about cheating is the breach of trust and the not being together. Losing trust in someone you love feels like being winded, I hated the feeling and would hate it even more if someone I loved this deeply did that to me. Thank you so much for your response, its helpful. I think I do need to tell him when I feel this way, no matter how dumb it feels. The transparency thing shouldn’t be an issue, we’re open with each other.. as in, he’ll leave the computeropen to his email when he leaves the house. His facebook is permanently logged into my ipad. He lets me use his phone when mine isn’t in sight. I don’t have 100% certaintly he won’t cheat on me, you’re right, but I do have a pretty good idea it won’t happen. I think I need to get to the root of where these fears come from.
Ps. I also hate flying. Haha!
Robyn0214: prahajess: I think you’re both right that I clearly don’t have this under control. As I read over this, I thought to myself, what advice would you give yourself? And, it really put it into perspective how much I’ve normalized feeling anxious and overwhelmed by this.
JenGirl: Thank you for your insight. It is affecting my relationship, or at least I think it is. I asked him if he felt like things were ok between us because I felt that I was acting strangely and didn’t want him to think that there was anything serious wrong and he said I’d noticed you had been quiet and closed off but I figured you’d come to me when you were ready. I’m not receptive to people prying things out of me, but it really felt good to know that he could tell something was wrong with me but was letting me process it the way I need to. I think I do need to bring it up to him when I have these thoughts so I’m not alone with them, and so I can hear that they’re not normal, no matter how dumb it feels, he seems supportive and kind to me when I do and its not fair to him for me to close off and not give my all to our relationship.
misstxlonghorn: Thank you so much. I’ve just ordered this book! I used books like this to originally get my anxiety under control and found them immensely helpful, then I stopped because I felt like I had it under control. Vocalizing these thoughts and hearing all of this helpful advice made me realize that its not under control and I should revisit resources that helped me in the first place.. like books and professionals. Thanks again!
CanadianBride456: Thank you very much for sharing your experience. After posting this and reading the responses, I’ve realized that speaking to a professional cannot hurt me. Continuing to think the way I do and close myself off can hurt me, I shouldn’t be so quick to discount the benefits of finding the right medication.
CaroBee: See, I do that and it helps. I just struggle with bringing him the same issue over and over again. There’s been so many times where he’ll ask me whats up.. and then I unload this completely ridiculous nonsense thats been brewing in my head. His response is always along the same lines “You recognize that’s ridiculous, right”.. and it certainly helps. Its when I bottle it up and don’t say anything, I completely close off and spend my time alone with my racing thoughts. Thank you!