I have doubts about my MOH

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Well I guess your next step would be to make a dinner date or lunch whatever, and have a chat. Tell her you want her to be your MOH, but after everything that happened at her wedding that she’s still clearly holding grudges for what happened on her big day, and you want to know from her honestly if she can get past it and be happy and there for you on YOUR big day. Tell her the truth, you didn’t exactly know how a MOH acts and what the particular duties are, and that is was your fault for the ‘mishaps’ of her photos and whatnot, and obviously it wasn’t intentional. 

If you are unsure of the future of your friendship, because of these grudges she’s holding maybe this friendship may need to end. Grudges are awful

I used to hold them all the time, and I mean all the time. Sometimes I still do think about them. I am no longer friends with these two women I thought I was going to be friends with forever. But it takes two people to keep a friendship and maintain it, not you constantly trying to still apologize after a full year of her wedding..

Post # 3
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper

tulips24:  Can you just tell her everything you told us? It sounds like you guys really need to “clear the air” and hash it all out.

Yeah, you screwed up being late and forgetting orange juice, but in the grand scheme of things, this is not a huge deal. Is she really that upset about not having pictures of Mimosas(a lame picture anyway), or is it something deeper? 

You were not obligated to stay and clean up the venue, unless this was something that the bridal party had agreed to do before hand. Honestly, that should have only happened if you guys offered anyway. Bridesmaid does not = free labor.

Post # 4
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee

tulips24:  I can understand why she’d be upset, but how long ago was that? Furthermore you’re role was to stand by her at her day. I agree that you dropped the ball a bit, but in the grand scope of the big day you didn’t do anything THAT aggresious. If I’m reading correctly it seems like you’ve apologized more then once? Which is more then fair. 

I’d set up a date at her house. Bring wine (or orange juice) and apologize one last time, tell her everything you wrote here and tell her you’d love her to be your BM or MOH, however you understand if she’s reluctant to. Tell her how much you value her relationship and have serious regrets. It sounds like you were immature letting a fight stop you from being their on her big day, but it always sounds like it was a long time ago and you grew up.

Honestly you sound so sincere on this post, I don’t see why she can’t get past it. If she does accept being your MOH I’d expect her to do the bare minimum. People like this are usually tit for tat. 

Post # 5
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Bridey77:  i like your way of thinking. And [ lame picture anyway] lololll

Post # 6
Member
867 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Ok I have a few thoughts.

ill start with the bridal expo. They are the worst. I was so excited to go to them when I got engaged, and after attending a few I realized what a waste of time they are (For the most part). Plus after you are already married, weddings aren’t overly exciting to you anymore, I’m not even married yet and im already dreading going to the fairs with my friends when they get engaged! I’ll go because I’m a good friend but will I jump for joy, no no I won’t. So maybe that is why she was acting the way she was. 

Now do I think you dropped the ball a bit on her wedding day? Yes, but you recognize that. Honestly if you were my MOH I would prob not talk to you much all night either because you added stress to my day that I just didn’t need. it’s hard sometimes until you are a bride to realize everything that goes into it and now you are realizing your mistakes which is great. 

As far as asking her to be ur MOH I think you should. As pp said take her for coffee and have a heart to heart. Tell her you want her to be there for you, and although you messed up a bit on the actual day of, you hope she can forgive you and be there for you. If she agrees great! And as time goes on you will see if she is going to purposely hold ur actions against U and be vindictive and pull stunts or if she will be a perfect MOH. as an adult I would hope she would forgive and do the later. You can also consider having two MOH’s so just in case drama happens you already have a dependable person stepping up! 

Post # 7
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper

Amerie27:  I love detail shots, but I would not be holding a grudge with my best friend about pictures of orange juice. Has anyone ever said “Oh my gosh, I LOVE that pic of the Mimosas! Your dress was nice, but that orange juice, WOW.” 

Being late for hair and make up is a bit more annoying, but again, it isn’t like it ruined the wedding day. GET. OVER. IT.

Post # 8
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

tulips24:  Right now, you’re just aasuming that she’s still holding a grude about what happened on her wedding day. I’d say hash it out with her. You’ll only find know for sure what it is when you talk to her about it. If she still is, then get another MOH. 

I know many people think that your MOH isn’t obligated to do anything except show up and hold your dress while you pee, but you also don’t want someone you don’t trust completely.

If you didn’t agree beforehand to help clean up, I don’t think you should feel bad. I arranged for the vwndors to clean up after themselves – my BMs are going to be dancing and partying the night away 😀 

Post # 9
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Bridey77:  lmfaooooooo you’re hilarious

Post # 12
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

tulips24:  oh my goodness, honestly bee, you sound like a great sincere person. You have apologized numerous times, and you are honest about what happened that you would change if you could. I think to someone who’s a completely closed off person, she will always harbour a little bit of grudgery towards you about her special day, cuz I bet you in her eyes, you ruined a couple ‘special moment and photos’ and were lazy in not helping clean up afterwards.

To be honest, I don’t think I would have her as my MOH. It seems like you are going to have to do more grovelling and step on eggshells so she will be happy doing that for you.

It’s so hard to try and converse with someone who’s a closed book. I think you should still say what you need to say and get it off your chest. See how she reacts, and if she doesn’t seem to care about the conversation and you opening up about your true feelings, then it shows that she isn’t willing to care much anymore about the friendship either.

Post # 14
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I didn’t have the same situation, but I wasn’t a fantastic bridesmaid to one of my bridesmaid when she got married years ago. We were young, I wasn’t really aware what I was doing was inappropriate but I was really being super selfish, in hindsight.

We have never talked about it (and I think she is over it – we are still close otherwise) but I do try to make an effort to more than accommodate her now that she is my bridesmaid. Like just make sure she is having fun and she knows she does not have to do anything for me and that I really appreciate everything she does. I think that’s all you can do. If you want her as a MOH, maybe understand she might not want to go out of her way for you, but accept and appreciate that.

Post # 15
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Bridey77:  Um maybe the point was that she entrusted her MOH to do something and she didn’t deliver especially after being an hour late. Gees you guys are hateful. If she wanted a picture of mimosas she should have been able to get it, no matter how lame you guys think it is. I’m sure there are things you thought were important to get pictures of that other people would find lame too.

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