I have found my husbands match and I want to set them up!

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

EllasGrace20:  Aw, I’m in the same boat!  Like my side of our invite list was about 60 people to his 12!!  I kind of gave up, though.  Where I feel comfortable hanging out with wives of his friends, he doesn’t feel the same.  I tried to make him go to the movies with my high school friend b/c they both wanted to see some stupid action movie and of course, it never materialized.   

Is there any way you could arrange a night out with you, DH and classmate?  Does classmate have a SO?  

Post # 4
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

 

EllasGrace20:  Hmmm…I’m the same way, but not to that extreme. I’m pretty introverted and have social anxiety that I need to seek therapy for. It can be very paralyzing. That being said, I know whenever I’m around a person who is also pretty quiet/introverted, it’s hard to get to know them (since they are the same way!). All of my best friends are extroverts. A few of them and I joke about the fact it works so well because we balance each other out. Just my opinion, but I don’t forsee a close bond between your DH and your classmate happening. 

Post # 6
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

 

EllasGrace20:  Here’s what my psychiatrist told me: Shyness is not permanent. Social Anxiety is, luckily, an “illness” that can be gotten rid of almost completely, if not totally completely, through therapy.

Have you considered sending him to a psychiatrist? They can first get him on social anxiety meds, if you’re not against that type of thing. But mine made it so clear to me that meds alone will not fix the problem. It absolutely requires some sort of therapy. I’d google the top therapists in your area. I know how bad it is, how paralyzing it is, and how exhausting it is (procrastination is also a problem of mine, b/c I STILL haven’t seen a therapist). I definitely think it’s worth a shot. And if one therapist doesn’t seem to be working, try another.

ETA: There are also some really highly-rated social anxiety books on Amazon for pretty cheap. I’ve read through tons of their reviews, and a lot of people relied solely on the books and got rid of their SA.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  mdcmod.
Post # 7
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

EllasGrace20:  

This makes me think of the movie “I Love You, Man” lol. Maybe you could arrange some sort of group setting where they could meet? Have a dinner party or a sporting event party…something they’ll both like. And invite a few other people from class.

Post # 8
Member
692 posts
Busy bee

I set my SO up, and it worked like a charm! I suggested he go paintballing at a new field that opened up a mile from our house. I was hoping he’d meet some guys who lived nearby. He did, and he’s really good at paintball so they asked him to join their team. Done. New friends. 

Post # 10
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

EllasGrace20:  Can you set up a small dinner party/BBQ or something and invite a small group of people, including your classmate? 

Post # 12
Member
1654 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I say let it go… As an introvert myself I appreciate the value of a good friend (I have one best friend. I have a few other close friends… but mostly I talk to family and my best friend), but in my experience, true friendship only works when it just “happens”… My husband has tried to “set me up” with his friends girlfriends/wives/friends etc. and yea, I’ll hang out with them a bit and I genuinely like them as people, but I’m not a “let’s hang out” kind of person unless you are family or my best friend. It takes a LOT of energy for me to be in social situations, especially with people you don’t know very well (mine usually include a lot of alcohol so I don’t just sit there awkwardly), it’s just draining when it’s forced/manufactured.  A friend will come along and it will work itself out, and maybe your husband is content with just having you as a best friend… That’s always possible. 🙂

Post # 14
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - backyard in the woods

My husband is like yours. First of all, I doubt he needs to see a psychiatrist. Being introveted in not something that needs fixing, your husband is not broken. Secondly, if your husband has mentioned that he would like more close friends (or even one) I think you should try to get them to meet, as you are doing. Guys are not that complex, subletly doesn’t work well. Why can’t you just be honest with this guy in your class and say something like ‘Hey, my husband is a lot like you, I think you guys would really get along well. The three of us should get together this week and have dinner/drinks/movie etc.? When are you free?’

If it works, it works, and if not, oh well, you tried. Don’t force it, but give it a shot, that way there’s not too much pressure on your DH or the other guy, but the option for friendship presents itself. Something to kkep in mind though is that if the other guy is also truly introverted the friendship may not last without your constant interaction though, since someone in the pairing needs to inititate the actual getting together. 

Post # 15
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

“First of all, I doubt he needs to see a psychiatrist. Being introveted in not something that needs fixing, your husband is not broken.”

 

^ This.  Introverts are so underappreciated…

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