- 3 years ago
Bee going anon because I don’t feel comfortable using my regular account for posting this thread. So I’m 32 years old right now and when I was 19, my boyfriend at the time he decided cheating was a fun thing to do and came home to his hard working and studying girlfriend who had not even kissed another man ever and gave me a “gift” that would last a lifetime. He was older than I was. He was my first kiss, my first love, my first and only sexual partner for many years and also my first heartbreak.
I was busy working my ass off at school and also working. And on top of that I was training very VERY hard at the time for an event that if I managed to win, would change my life and bring many many oportunities my/our way. I did manage to win eventually which was great and made all the sacrifices worth it. But back to the topic. I remember starting to feel sick, and I thought well, maybe a vaginal infection or something. I decided to wait. And then I got this unbearable pain and broken skin and blisters. I was hoping it was not what I deep inside knew it was and praying it really wasn’t . I didn’t really see anything suspicious from him. And we spent plenty of time tigether as all through the whole chaotic and busy life I was leading I kept him a priority. I was waiting to go to the doctor because I was SO afraid and alone. I had no one to talk to about this. I was terrified. And didn’t want to talk to him because I didn’t want to give him a heads up so he could prepare some shit lame excuse if indeed he had given me an STD.
When I went to the doctor, after an awfully painful exam she sat me down and said well, you have herpes. As a 19 year old who didn’t drink, party, and was committed to a serious relationship that had been going on for years with my first and only sexual partner you can imagine the shock, embarrasment and the pain I felt hearing those words all by myself in a cold office.
Thing is many years after. I’m now in a very loving relationship with a wonderful man and we are gearing up towards an engagement and marriage and hopefully kids. I am having a hard time because for some reason, it seems there’s been a change in hormones in the past years and I’m getting outbreaks every.single.fooking.month! Right before my period while I am PMSsing. Speak about insult after injury. I eat well, exercise, don’t drink or use drugs. My docs are trying to fix it. It might also be stress related as I lost my dad a few months ago :'( and it’s been super hard on me.
In the meantime, it’s affecting my sex life with SO. I won’t have sex with him if I feel even the tiniest thing I could think that might be an outbreak coming up. Most timesmit’s not and even when we use condoms 100% of the time, I think it’s the reponsible thing to protect him.
And when I am not having any symptoms of an outbreak and all is good, condoms sometimes make me hurt. I use plenty of lube so I am not sure what’s up with that.
Anyway, i guess post is mostly to vent right now that I feel a little down after not enjoying sex yesterday because of the issue with the condom. Normally I do have a lot of fun and enjoy it. SO is really great and we have a good sex life other than the bumps we might run into here and there. But also, any tips on making sex with condoms more enyoyable other than lube?