Weddingbee boards

Ok.... a little background information to help.
We've been together 5yr next month, we plan to marry next year 10/10/10... we've been engaged since last year june 21st... He is 11yrs older than me, he has 2 children (14 and 9) who i love to pieces!!! at the start of the relationship... ok well not the start start but once we knew we wanted us to be forever and talking about houses and stuff like that the subject of kids came up and we both agreed we wanted 2, he also said that he didn't want to be too much older than he is now to have anymore and asked if i would like to start when i'm around 25 (i'm 23 now and this would have been when i was about 20) and i was like Yeah great!! i've always been excited of the thought of becoming a mother. Spending alot of time with his kids has given me a bit of experience for what i could expect (about from the baby stage lol)

Anyway... so my problem... the other week we were talking about future stuff like both wanting to build a house in a few years after we pay off our current house... and jobs we would prefer to do then the ones we have now... and then he said "i'm not sure i want to have kids" at that moment i said "ya know what... it wouldn't matter because i'm happy having your kids and i don't need anymore than that"... then one day after i was sitting on the train home watching a mother with her 5-6yr old daughter just sitting there talking about their day and tears built up and i realised that that is something that i want to have, i want that special bond. I have a bond with my partners daughter and we're like best friends but its not the same.
Last night i worked up the courage to bring the subject again because i know that this isn't something that should be left along... i said "babe... we need to talk about something... kids" and then gave him a look that said 'you know what i'm talking about' and he replied with "but you said you didn't either.... your always changing your mind" and that was the end of that talk LMAO!!!

My question to all you wonderful bees.... This is the man i love with all my heart and soul and i would do anything for him... do i convince him to have kids? give up my dreams of being a mother? i mean I don't see myself ending the relationship because of this reason just to go and seek out someone else who wants to have kids... because i love my partner.

Do you think i should try the conversation with him again? I mean i don't care when i have kids... i don't really want to have them now anyway.

ARGH!!!!!!! at least this has come up before we get married rather than after.

That could be the case.... i hope so.

I will try again tonight.

But in a what if situation... what if he does say that he really doesn't want to have anymore... i mean what do i do? I don't want to leave him for that reason

I know that you said that you don't want to leave him over this issue, but it sounds like this might be something you really want in life.  I would really try to talk to him about it again and again until you're able to either come to an agreement, or until you have to decide whether you want to be with someone who doesn't want the same things as you.

I would HATE to see you compromise your needs/wants, and later have resentment build up because you wanted a child but your partner didn't. 

Good luck!!

I lived with a divorced man with two wonderful daughters, who I loved very much.  He wanted to have a son and felt we should stop at one child if it was a boy.  I left him after he admitted he just wasn't excited about having more children since he already had two.  

Being a mother was always more important to me than being a wife, so that was the right decision for me.  Even if I hadn't met my husband (who is wonderful and my soulmate) I would never have regretted leaving my ex. This may not be the right decision for you, and only you can determine that.  

But I would caution you to give this issue a lot of consideration before you get married, since the resentment people feel over giving up their dreams for a spouse can sometimes grow over time until it destroys the fabric of a marriage.  (Think of the scene in Sex and the City where Harry breaks up with Charlotte, saying that this would it be a terrible marriage to keep hearing, "I gave up Christ for you, the least you could do is take out the trash.")

I will be talking with him tonight... i don't want this to be something that ruins us

Oh man i shouldn't post these kinds of things while i'm at work.... now i feel like crying because i'm a bit emotional thinking about what if

I'm scared to talk about it to i guess... i don't want to hear anything i don't want to hear LOL man i sound childish

thx everyone for such supportive comments! I will let you all know how i go tonight, that's if i don't chicken out lol!