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Have you ever asked your friend to be MOH or a BM, but got a "no thanks" answer?
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Bridesmaid Drama - Which Side Do You Come Down On?
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I have no bridesmaids...

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
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    1.
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    Helper bee
    kelly105    May 19, 2012  

    ...not exactly.  My maid of honor is my fiance's sister.  She's awesome and we get along great, so I am totally fine with having her and only her as a bridesmaid.  But my fiance just told me that he wants to add 2 more groomsmen  (we had previously agreed on 1 maid and 1 groomsman.)  

    Anyway, I don't feel 'close enough' with any girl to have them as my bridesmaid.  All my friends from high school are already married with children and they are all insanely busy.  My college friends are equally busy and spread all over the place and I would feel awkward asking them, as I don't foresee them asking me to be a bridesmaid in their wedding.  My cousins are all young and distant.  I have nobody.  What should I do?

     
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    Honey bee
    Ms. Meowerson    May 12, 2012  

    stick with just the MOH.  evenness doesn't matter.  personally, i would hate to be added to a wedding party just because the groom added a couple guys.

     
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    Buzzing bee
    Beluga    July 16, 2011  

    If you're happy with just one, that's fine! You don't have to have equal numbers.

     
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    Helper bee
    tootietoo2    January 2011  

    Do the groomsmen have wives/girlfriends that ould stand in as maids? It would likely make them happy since they would get to be paired up with their spouse/s.o.

     
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    Blushing bee
    ejs1228    September 1, 2011   Denver

    I agree with @Beluga, you don't need an equal number. I wanted only one, but my FH wanted 4, we settled on 2 and now he wants 3. I told him to go for it, but at the end of the day all that matters is my sister was my MOH. Don't feel pressured to have equal numbers!

     
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    Sugar bee
    creativeplannertobee      

    @kelly105:

    I wasn't really close to many girlfriends when I got married.  I had my cousin as MOH, and I have 3 brothers, and he has 1 brother. Our wedding party ended up being 1MOH, 1Best Man-his brother, and my three brothers would have all been groomsmen, but I didn't want to ask my SIL to be a bm, because I thought if I had anyone be bridesmaids it should be all 3 of his sisters-that I didn't know well-so I had one MOH, and he ended up with 1 Best Man and two GM, and my other brother (married SIL months ahead of us) ended up doing a reading instead of being a 3rd GM.  It was fine.  I missed out on BM drama! and I don't have anyone in wedding photos that I regret having in them!! It will be FINE!!  :)

     
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    Buzzing bee
    hotwings    August 21, 2010   Boston, MA

    First off, if you want to ask someone to be a BM, do so.  Don't worry if they're too busy.  It's truely an honor to be asked.  Give them the chance to say "no".  Other than that, you could have the other guys be ushers.  You could just have 1 lady and 3 guys.  Or have maid of honor and one gm stand on your side, and the other 2 guys stand on FIs side. 

     
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    Bumble bee
    MsJeep23    May 14, 2011   Washington, D.C.

    Well...its OK to have different numbers. I have just a couple bridesmaids, and FI probably will stand by himself. You spend a lot of time with a bridesmaid, might as well make sure she is someone you like to hang out with. 

     
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    Newbee
    Miss Galaxy    May 21, 2011   Oregon

    First, don't worry about the even number thing. A friend of mine who had lots of  bms but her hubby didn't have as many gm just clustered them in groups of two and three up the choir loft of the church instead of having them all in a line and whatnot. I actually really liked the set up.

     

    Second, definitely ask if there is someone you'd like to include. My best friend lives in Austria, and I definitely wanted her to be in the wedding so I asked her, even though I knew she might not be able to make it. Ultimately she told me no, but she also told me how much she appreciated me asking anyway. She said someone else had said to her "I was going to ask you to be a bridesmaid, but I since I know you won't be there, I decided not to...but if you can come, will you do a reading?" :( And even though she can't be there on my special day, she still knows I love her and she will be there in spirit.

     
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    MrsJKH2be    October 2010  

    Stick w/ what you have!  I had three girls and he had 6 guys!  It was fine!!

     
    11.
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    Busy bee
    reinab505    April 2, 2011   Indiana, US

    I'm not having anyone! He might... I'm not sure if he's decided yet. I'm not super close to any girls except for my three sisters. I had planned on asking them and I know they would say yes, but one of my younger sisters is getting married in October of the same year and she wants us for her BMs. I don't want everyone to have to buy two dresses, I want her to have everything she wants on her day, and it doesn't bother me.

     
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    Busy bee
    starry    December 18, 2010  

    I would just keep the MOH, it's special. In my case I have 3 bridesmaids, but only 2 are friends and one is my FSIL, and shes more jr bm age. My fiance is having his brother as Best Man and little brother as Jr Groomsmen. However, I have NO maid of honor. I didn't feel like I was close enough to anyone to ask them to fill that role. I am wondering if I should even have a speech, because of this.

    My fiance's family feels funny because he doesn't have any friends as a groomsmen and I have 3 bridesmaids, but I do think the fact that he has a Best Man makes up for the fact that I have one extra BM. I feel a bit weird I don't have a MOH actually. Also, I don't expect my bridesmaids to do much, except be in the wedding. However, they are throwing me a bridal shower.

     
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    Buzzing bee
    JennyW1    February 19, 2011  

    Another option is to have MOH and then a bunch of young children--most French weddings only include children as wedding attendants. A gaggle of flowergirls can also help your pomp and circumstance feel a little more rounded out. 

     
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    Sugar bee
    2dBride    October 6, 2009   Washington, DC.

    You don't need a matching number.  And you don't need yours to be only female.  If you have brothers, for example, you could make them bridesmen.  It's just a question of whom you feel comfortable having stand beside you.

     
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    Helper bee
    doingathing    May 2010  

    I just had one maid of honor and my husband had one best man. Like you, my husband would have preferred to have more groomsman—for starters, in the past two years he has been the best man in two different weddings! I didn’t have more than one person that I wanted to be a bridesmaid, though, so he agreed to stick with just having the one himself. Instead he had one of his other special dudes do a reading, and got ready with a group of guys who would have otherwise been his groomsmen. He and I also made sure to tell the guys who would have been groomsmen that he would have chosen them, but that it’s my fault that we were sticking with one each. :)

    I agree with everyone here that it is fine for you to have uneven numbers of bridesmaids and groomsmen. I know that I personally did not want to do that, though, because it would make me self-conscious about the fact that I only had one person I wanted to ask. Could you ask your husband to stick with the one, and give some other men he wants to honor special “jobs” or something? 

     
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    Bee Keeper
    jo.lee    September 10, 2011   Indianapolis

    FI is having eight groomsmen and I'm having 2 MOHs and 2 BMs. I literally couldn't come up with four other women that I even like, and I've very close to the four I chose, so we just decided to do it unevenly.

    I think you'll be fine with just FI's sister, but if you want to ask your busy friends like hotwings said, I think they'd be honored.

     
    17.
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    Buzzing bee
    Rgeddy    June 13, 2010   Raleigh, NC

    You could just stick with having an uneven number - it's no big deal! or ask your cousins to be involved.  Thats what I did - they were distant and we weren't that close - but they're still family!  What other better time to bond that your wedding?  Granted they didnt help out much with any planning or parties and basically just showed up the day before and stood up with me and for photos - but still... it's nice.

     

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