Post # 1
- Wedding: March 2014 - Church and University
DH and I got married 5 weeks ago, been together for over a year, and this is a second marriage for us both (I widowed, he divorced). We are OLD, people….and we have four children between us, ages 10-17. We have NO BUSINESS in wanting to have a baby. It was never, EVER on our radar. Like, ever. Hell, DH had a vasectomy 10 years ago! He’s 43 and I’m 38. Like I said, we have no right to even glean the thought!
But, I’m a girl and all romantical and shit and the thought of having a baby with the most incredible man is making me pine over these stupid boards. Believe me, we both realize it’s a pipe dream and that we’re selfish in our thinking. But it’s like, a primal feeling. And he feels the same way and makes all these references to what “our baby” would look like and makes it worse. (All the while we have silly grins on our faces and roll our eyes at the same time).
The likelihood is 0% so we should just focus on what awesome grandparents we’ll be. Just had to get it off my chest as I’ve been stalking these boards when I have no reason to be, lol!
Post # 2
First, you’re not that old! However, it sounds like there are many reasons that babies aren’t a realistic option for you two, which is fine. Four kids would make head spin, I can’t imagine 5! Honestly, I don’t have any kids yet but if I could skip right to grandmother – I’d totally do it! Twice the fun and half the responsibility. So don’t feel bad about baby fever. But keep your wits about you!
Post # 3
Geeze glad my parents didn’t feel the same way as you!!! My Mom had 3 boys, 11-14 when she started dating my dad. They got married, saved some and then had two more kids (me yeahh!!) and my brother. She was 45 when she had my brother and 42 when she had me. My older brothers are old enough to be my parents. My mom had more fun with us, and she was alot more patient. My brother’s were over the moon about us too. So I wouldn’t knock it we kept them young and from turning into fuddy duddys 😀
ETA: and what’s so selfish about wanting to have more kids, if you two have love to share why not do it!!
Post # 4
You have business wanting whatever you want! I want to blow whole student loan check on steak dinner and new shoes. Is that responsible for me and my future!? No way? But that doesn’t mean I can’t daydream about it and have it make me smile
Post # 5
Vasectomies can be reversible.. it’s just not guaranteed..
Post # 6
Nay1976: I’ll be 37 and FI will be 43 when we get married in November and damn right we’re trying for kids! Yes we’ll be older than the average parents but I don’t get a crap about that. My parents were older than we’ll be when they had me (their only child) and mom always says it keeps her young.
Post # 7
My mom was 38 when she had me and 43 when my brother was born 🙂
Post # 8
- Wedding: March 2014 - Church and University
Thank you for all these awesome posts…I don’t feel as insane now.
DH is on a business trip and we Facetimed last night. I told him I couldn’t help looking on this site and he said he totally gets it and feels the same way I do. It really is a primal thing, I think – the need to procreate with your lifelong love – to see the two of you in something only you two could create. That’s where the selfishness comes in. We obviously need a project, lol.
And then there’s the thought that in 7 years all the kids will be grown and we will be free to do ANYTHING WE WANT. Um, SUH-WEET!! It’s just a really interesting mindframe to be in. Thanks for bearing with me!
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2008 - Toronto, ON
My DH is 43 and I am 34 and we don’t have any children yet but we are TTCing! I plan on having 2 children so the first one hopefully when I am 35 and second when I am around 37-38! You may feel older because you have teenagers but you are not too old to have another baby! Since your DH got a vasectomy it would be likely impossible to get pregnant unless he reverses it! Heck my sister is 40 never been married but she will most likely get engaged by August of this year and her and her bf are talking about having a child but she wants to get married first! It is a personal decision and if your children are all going to be out of the house within the next 5 years or so and you want to enjoy your alone time than that is up to you but again you are not too old!
Post # 10
Nay1976: I am sorry but your post kinda offended me. Since I had my first child at age of 37! and Currently am 40 and we are trying for a 2nd baby. You are not to old. So if you and your DH want to have a child than you should do it.
Post # 11
My mother and step father planned to have a child when I was around 13 (they married when I was 12). They felt that was the oldest they could do it with an “appropriate” age gap (13, 11 & 7). Sadly my mother miscarried that baby, so they relied on a form of NFP and decided that it was responsible for them to be done.
Thankfully, when Mum was 41 & stepD was 48, the NFP failed 😉
My sister and I are a couple of months shy of being 20 years apart and it is awesome! My mother finally feels her family is complete. She and my step father are no longer together, but my sister is his absolute pride and joy. He finally got his daughter at age 48.
If you want this, and your DH does, look in to reversing the vasectomy. It is ok to have a huge age gap. My brothers and I consider sister the best thing that happened to us.