(Closed) I have no friends and it is ruining my wedding experience

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Why don’t you concentrate on hanging out with and becoming better friends with the girls who will be your bridesmaids? Your sister, your fiance’s sister, and your friend who you are still apparently friends with? And be HAPPY they are there for you instead of resenting them for not being these other girls? In your post you sound like you don’t care about them at all and are ungrateful, and you say all this stuff about how you’ll be a better friend to your old friends but what I see you DOING is completely not caring about the people who are sticking by you.

For whatever reason, your old friends are gone. You can’t force them to come back. The best thing for you to do is to become better friends with those in your bridal party and your acquaintances you are inviting to your wedding. And to go to therapy to deal with your anxiety issues and your social issues so that you will be on better footing to keep these new friends.

Post # 4
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@chbride:  So there seems to be a pattern with you losing your cool and friends not being willing to accept apologies.  I have to imagine these are pretty large outbursts if people are reacting that strongly.  I’m so sorry you have to go through this.  Have you considered medication for your anxiety?  I noticed that you mentioned that it’s undiagnosed.

Post # 6
Member
4660 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@chbride:  Are you me?

I have a similar situation.

I had a big group of friends in college, but lost them all when I dumped a guy who they all apparently liked better than me.

I still have high school friends, but we’re becoming more emotionally distant all the time, since I live on the other side of the planet from them now.

FH and I haven’t really made many friends here in Korea, and since we’re teachers, almost everyone we DO know leaves at the end of the year… it’s hard to make friends and get close and then watch them always vanish.

To make things worse I’m not very close with my family, either. FH is going to have probably triple the people at the wedding I do, and that’s after cutting a lot of his family for money reasons.

You can only stay close with the people who want to be close with you… but now that you have a better awareness of things, you can always try and improve them with the people you have! 🙂 Also, don’t think only girls can stand by you on your wedding day. If your best friends are dudes, don’t discount having “bridesmen” (or “honor attendants” as it’s commonly said). Better to have the people you love the most standing with you, regardless of sex/gender!

Post # 7
Member
46128 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Have you tried counselling? It really is time to move on if it has been over 2 years since you were with these ex-friends. It honestly sounds like your behavior  may have simply been too much for these people to deal with, and they had to sever the friendship for their own sake.

You have also had two years to make some new friends. What’s getting in the way of that?

Post # 8
Hostess
8580 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m sorry. I can relate, sort of. I don’t have many girl friends because I choose not to have them. Every close female friend I’ve had [there’s been 8] have been crazy, unstable, trouble makers, and it’s just easier to deal without them.

Sometimes I miss friends. But I have plenty of guy friends [although, I can’t really discuss wedding stuff with them].

You really only have 2 options. Start making some friends, you have plenty of time before your wedding. Or come to terms with the fact that your wedding can be just as beautiful and fun without friends. As pp’s said, you can always try to become better friends with your maids.

I know this doesn’t help much.

Post # 9
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

The outbursts seem less like anxiety to me…and more like some other unresolved issues. I’m a clinician but I will not in any way touch that. 

 

So, your only stable adult relationship seems to be with your fiance. All of your other friends have gotten fed up with you. Isnt that saying something? I would continue to seek counseling.

 

You’re going to have to let them go. The one thing I learned with friends is not to push a reconciliation. If someone really doesnt want to be your friend…you cant press that. I’m sorry you’re feeling so down about this, but this is your time with your fiance. You only get this once and you dont want to look back on this ime with regret that you didnt enjoy yourself.

Post # 10
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I agree with distracts. I think you should try to build a relationship with the girls that are in your wedding party.

That said, I completely understand where you are coming from. I have never had many friends and throughout my high school and college years I’ve fluctuated between being very confident and outgoing to being encased in a shell, and I’ve been sitting in the shell now for almost two years. I’ve left unhealthy friendships behind and lost touch with the three friends that I always managed to keep. I also have anxiety issues, but I was lucky enough to find a doctor who would listen to me and not tell me I was just being overly emotional and needed to learn how to control my feelings. I have medication, and while I’m not as axious as I used to be, I’m still a very shy person and it makes it difficult for me to make new friends. It doesn’t help that FH is sort of like me. He doesn’t have anxiety, he just doesn’t enjoy being around people that much. He’s lost touch with his best friend and his other friend moved away so they don’t talk much. Needless to say, I have two close friends that I talk to on a regular basis but wedding planning is not exactly as fun or exciting as I thought it would be. FMIL died last year and she was the only person who I could talk to enthusiastically. My mom is helpful, but she’s still not thrilled, and it’s apparent when I talk to her. 

I’ve found it really hard to be excited sometimes. I’m having a small wedding mostly because I want one, but also because I know that I don’t have lots of family that I get along with and I don’t have many friends either. FH’s side of the guest list is overwhelming compared to mine. 

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