Post # 1
It’s a downer, but all my friend have a kid or kids. I would prefer to have friends that don’t have to plan their lives aruond daycare and preschool, and can go places without having to be home in time for school letting out. I don’t like hanging out with my friends when their kids around, because they’re disruptive and loud. I don’t like kids all that much. My partner and I aren’t having kids.
I just wanted to whine about it and see if anyone else would prefer friends without kids?
Post # 3
@myaltarego: while I understand that you may not like kids and want kid-free time with your friends when possible, I think it’s unrealistic and selfish to resent that your friends have children. Depending on your age, it’s probably very common for there to be kids in the picture, and like it or not, being a parent is a full time job. I would try to be more supportive of your friends sand realize that you are in the minority, in the majority of cases.
Post # 4
I would consider trying to meet some new friends using Meetup or something like that. It sounds like you and your friends are at different places. So get some more that fit your needs!
Post # 5
I actually can’t answer because NONE of my friends have kids! I’m 30, Darling Husband is 35. He has two friends with kids, but they live across the country. Literally not one person we are friends with in the Bay Area has a child.
My SIL has a daughter, and yeah it’s nearly impossible to have a conversation with her when her screaming 4-year-old is around. But, my niece is also really cute. They do a good job of hiring a sitter or taking turns (her and her husband) to allow them time away one-by-one. It works. They live in CO though, so we only see them on vacations.
Post # 6
I do share your feelings. We aren’t having kids either. Unfortunately, it is taboo for us to not be mothers, and even more taboo to vocalize our opinion on the matter. It’s one of those crappy things that we just have to keep to ourselves (it’s totally fine on here though, I don’t mean that :), I just mean in public!)
I don’t hate children, and sometimes they really make me laugh. Sometimes watching them open presents is fun too (unless they’re a total shit, then I hate it). But there has NEVER been one time where I wasn’t VERY happy to see them leave my house, or drive away from their house with out kids!!!!!! I don’t have the patience, and I have a very dry, sarcastic sense of humor that doesn’t go over well with kids. Also I hate whining, crying, complaining, and not being able to say what I want when I want. I am also very irritated by parents who think they are somehow special and deserve a higher rank in society because they CHOSE to have children. Children are a choice, not something that happens to you. If I hear one more person say, excuse me, I HAVE A CHILD. Great, want a cookie? I have two dogs, two cats, a job, a house, a fiance, lots of hobbies, and blonde hair. Who cares?
There I said it. Parents who think they’re special because they chose to breed drive me insane.
Post # 7
while it is totally fine to not want or like kids it’s kind of douchy to complain about your friends having kid. they are adults who don’t plan their lives around you. i would suggest making some childless friends who you can hang out with, but know that eventually they might have kids and then you’ll be right back where you started. I do have one kid and while i’m super happy that all of my childless friends like to spend time with us/her I also do love when i get to spend time with them alone. maybe try to make advanced plans with them? i know it’s harder for me to do last minute things with friends because of my daughter, but if someone wants to make plans to do something a week in advance it’s not a problem to arrange that with my Fiance or find a sitter.
Post # 8
@myaltarego: geez tough crowd. I don’t think it’s selfish or douchey to complain about your friends having kids. I totally get how you feel. I have a couple very good friends who I used to frequent bars with and would just grab dinner. Now that a few of them have kids I have to make plans in advance which is fine, but on those nights I just decide to do something I’m usually just out of luck. I’m working on making new friends, but it’s difficult to do because most of my co-workers have kids so I’m kind of stuck in a tough position. I don’t resent them or anything, I just miss the old days of going out at a moment’s notice and not having to worry about arrangements for the kids.
Post # 9
@MrsBeck: +1 on everything you said. I was just letting my inner frustrations out because I experience a lot of grief for not wanting kids, or hosting events that are kid friendly, and so many people expect me to adopt their lifestyle. When I was young my parents practically had a babysitter on call who wouldn’t make any weekend plans until she checked with my parents first in case they needed her to watch us, and usually there was one night each weekend where they did have her come. I find people aren’t like that anymore.
Post # 10
@crayfish: Lucky! I literally have no friends without kids. My friends range in age from 26-45. My 26 year old friends have a one year old and the other has a 7 year old and 5 year old. If their kids aren’t in school, then they’re with us. They disrupt us and prevent us from doing a lot of things. I never complain about it to my friends (obviously. What could I say? Get rid of yor kids?) I just try to ignore their kids’ disruptive behavior or fake laugh and pretend it doesn’t bother me.
@weddingnerd: One of my friends has totally changed since having her kid. She is grumpy and impatient now. I try to lighten her load, and she accpets the help but doesn’t say thank you for it. The friendship has really changed.
The world is a different place now. Before people had kids so they’d contribute to life on the farm eventually, take over the family business, and generally become a valuable part of the family. Now people have kids for the joy of it and they’re involved in everything and they’re everywhere. Kid overload!
@MrsBeck: I have chosen to ignore the comments from people who claim I’m unrealistic, selfish or douchy. I know it’s not wrong to have a preference, plus it’s not like I have said anything at all to my friends to indicate that I don’t want their kids around. I wont apologize for preferring to have friends that are more free to do what they please, have uninterrupted conversations, are able to do things that aren’t “child-friendly”, and aren’t exhausted and grumpy because of their kids.
Post # 11
@myaltarego: We’re also childfree.
Currently, only a couple of our friends have children; however, almost all our friends want children, and so in about 5-10 years time, they’ll all have them.
I really cannot tolerate children, so spending time with them with their kids in tow is just not an option; it becomes awkward and uncomfortable for everyone involved. We are also having a strict ‘no children’ policy in our own home, with zero exceptions.
I expect that this means we will grow apart from some of our friends, at least until their children are older. That said, I do not understand parents who MUST bring their kids everywhere. My brother and I certainly were not included in adult social events when we were younger, but my parents still had a fairly healthy social life. I feel like nowadays, parents are getting increasingly entitled and don’t consider other’s feelings, or the fact that it simply is not appropriate to bring children to certain events (I’m in a CF group, and one member hosted a strictly adult-only party; why was it strictly adult-only? Because it involved people who liked to drink, swear, discuss sex etc. Well, one entitled parent brought their kid along, despite being told not to, and then proceeded to have a go at anyone who drank/swore/talked about adult matters in front of her precious darling; what a twat!). As it is, with the couple of friends we know with children, they know our feelings, and we typically arrange to meet up in neutral, kid-free places, which suits both of us.
We’re lucky in that we love each other’s company, and regularly go out as a couple; so I don’t think we’d find it too much of a big deal seeing friends less than we do now. We also plan to expand our social circle; both of us for example get on really well with older couples, who don’t have small children; there are also several CF meet-up groups where we live, which we plan on joining to see if we click with anyone; so, there are many options out there, and you can still have a good social life even if all your friends have children.
Post # 12
No preference. I like kids. There’s only one couple in our group of married friends who has a kid, but she’s very chill (she’s under a year), and they sometimes bring her to wherever we go. Other times they leave her home; just depends on how they’re feeling.
Post # 13
I don’t have any friends with kids but I’m also young. All of my local cousins are 8-13 years older than me & have all started having babies in the last 5 years. The way it has impacted my relationship will ALL of my cousins is unbelievable. They have no time for anyone else, they’re generally not interested in anyone else, they don’t call or text (or even text me BACK when I’ve texted them first), they don’t talk about much of anything but their children….it’s definitely taken over their lives. I know that kids do that but it sucks on my end to have a relationship with a family member change so drastically. I can’t just go out and “make another” cousin.
When the kids are young, I try to still come around a lot. I LOVE holding babies and playing with them under the age of 2 and I also know it’s a stressful time for my cousins so I try to help them out when I’m visiting. But once they start walking and talking and getting into everything, it’s IMPOSSIBLE to have a conversation. They have to leave after 3 mins of talking to chase after one of the kids. I do care how the kids are doing and I do love them and think they’re (usually) quite cute, but I’d like to go to lunch with my cousins one day, just once, just the 4 of us. No husbands, no kids. & I HAVE voiced that to them, saying “we should have a girls day and go to lunch! & if your hubby wants a boys day, I can help watch the babies with you if you’d like” but it still has yet to happen.
One of my friends only wants one kid. I think that will be 100% fine. I don’t mind kids, it’s just when they completely take over EVERYTHING that I mind. My friend will probably be the type of mom that can bring the kid anywhere and she’ll (or he’ll) be behaved & I’ll dote all over that child. If my friends were to have 3 or 4 kids, it would probably drastically change our friendships. But my close friends are not on the mommy track directly so it works out for me! lol
Post # 14
As a parent, most of my friends do have kids so I am no help to your question. However, for what its worth, my friends and I hang out a lot sans kids. Do your friends really go with their children everywhere?
And planning their lives around school or daycare? Do none of your friends work? My social life is planned around my work hours, so its either work or school…
Post # 15
I currently have 5 pregnant wedding guests!! One of which is due two days before. I’m at the point in my life where I have moved from weddings every month to baby showers!! I’m one of the last to get married off in my group of friends and (obviously) one of the last planning to have children. I don’t mind that 90% of my friends have children especially because I can walk away when there’s a meltdown! But all of them still make time to hang out sans children – not every weekend, but enough that I think our friendship is as strong today as it was before kids. I also have seen that kids are direct products of their parents so I LOVE my friends kids as most of them are as cool as my friends!
Post # 16
And, I will admit it. Before meeting Fiance, I really preferred dating kidless men even though I had my own. My schedule was a lot more flexible than other single moms.