I have no life anymore. Feeling lonely….

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@chicagoworkinggirl:  I feel this way a lot. My only real friend is my boyfriend. I have a friend who I consider my life-long best friend, but we hardly talk or see each other. I used to be extremely social, but then got sick for what is now going on 5 years, and people just moved on and seemingly forgot about me. most of the time I’m at home, watching movies or TV. I honestly don’t remember the last time I went out with a couple of friends. You’re not alone!

Post # 4
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Meh, most people I know are like this. Going out and getting wasted and coming home at 3AM just isn’t fun or cute anymore in your mid-late 20s and beyond (especially if you overdid it in your early 20s). I only have a few “real” friends, and only one of them lives in town, but works full time and has a young daughter. The others live out of town and have busy lives of their own. We try to make it a point to see people, but at the end of the week, FI and I are usually so tired that we just give up and watch Netflix all weekend.

Post # 5
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee

This is me. Absolutely.

At university I was constantly surrounded by friends and going out and doing things and having fun in the studio. And then, a month after I graduated I got a full-time job and moved to a tiny town where I don’t know anyone. My coworkers are all 10+ years older than me and we have no common interests. So pretty much every day I go to work and then go home.

All of my friends have either moved away or are moving on. My SO is my best friend but we’re in a LDR, so I only see him on weekends. I’m with you–it sucks.

Post # 6
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@chicagoworkinggirl:  I’m with you! I’m turning 25 next month, and after 4 years in university and 2.5 in college, I am absolutely past my partying days. We own a house, have a dog, are getting married, talking kids, while some of my friends are still hitting the bars every Thursday-Friday-Saturday… My body can’t take that anymore!

I’ve found that I’ve become closer with my family, and a few friends who are in the same place as me. Once school is over at the end of the year I’m honestly not sure what I’ll do as most of those friends will leave the city to head back home…. Guess I’ll be branching out and trying to find some new people to hang out with!

Post # 7
Member
3200 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@chicagoworkinggirl: I found myself in the similar situation when I was in my mid-twenties.  I had to find other sources to find friends since the “friends” I grew up with had proven themselves untrustworthy or we just grew apart.  Look at meetup groups where you can meet new people that have similar lifestyles to you.  Try out new hobbies and join groups that help you meet others.  It’s a great way to seek out new friends and DH and I still do this to find “couple friends”.

Post # 9
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@chicagoworkinggirl:  Wait til you hit 35! You’ll be in bed by 9:30 on Sat night!  Honestly though, I think this is part of aging. The older you get, the less friends you have as your priorities shift. But that doesn’t mean your life has to be boring. Instead of staying out til 4am like I did when I was 20, I find myself going to happy hour with some of my coworkers directly after work on a Friday and then spending the rest of my weekend with FI, going to the gym, having a beer with our neighbors, going out to a nice dinner. You can’t sit on the couch and wait for someone to invite you out. Sometimes you have to find your own fun!

 

Post # 10
Member
822 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@chicagoworkinggirl:  At a certain point, I realized my job & other activites had gotten in the way of my social life.  I had said no to so many outings that people stopped asking.  I think after a while, I finally started to realize that & decided if I was available, I needed to say yes the next time I was invited out.  Even if it wasn’t my ideal outing.  I don’t need to go out a lot.  I actually enjoy my alone time, or quiet time just watching TV with my husband, but it’s nice to get out with the girls now and then!  Once I started accepting, I got invited out a lot more again and I started to feel better. I also realized I had avoided going out so much that I developed a little social anxiety.  When I did get invited out, I would create this story in my head that the invite was just out of obligation & no one really wanted me there.  I’m over this now for the most part, but that was not a good feeling!!  Don’t let yourself get to that point!!  Is there anyone else at work or anything you may want to hang out with?  Can you maybe invite a couple of girls out for drinks or something?  Just an idea 😉

Post # 11
Member
2912 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m 34 and the idea of having no option but to stay home in my PJ’s watching TV depresses me. That does not have to be your life if you don’t want it. You do need to understand that life ebbs and flows. Sometimes I have something on every weekend and other times it’s quiet. If you want to do stuff then get out there and make some new friends. People say it’s hard, everyone has their clicks but I don’t really see it that way. I have had to move many times in my life and each time I have found new friends, you just have to be open to it. 

For example, last weekend FI and I were bored so we did a pub crawl on our bikes. We didn’t get super drunk by any means, we just wanted to get out of the house. We ended up at a big inner-city park (Trinity Bellwoods) where we heard music. We went over to investigate and found an impromptu bike rave! Hilarious! So we sat down and started chatting to people. It was weird and fun. Much better than staying at home alone. 

Post # 12
Member
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

same here. I have 2 really good friends aside from DH. But as we plan our post wedding party, we r both realizing we seriously lack friends! Its sad when youre worried you wont even make your venue minimum. but anyway, i have makeup, clothes and expensive shoes collecting dust lol its true though..where would i wear it? DH and i dont go out often. we re on a budget. so after getting home from work and showering, its pretty much pjs all the way. At 22, I was all about partying and staing out late. at 27, i start falling asleep at 11pm while watching netflix lol

Post # 13
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I can relate. I think finishing school and starting an “adult” 9-5 life is a big transition. I was used to always having lots of people around me, and going out every weekend with classmates. Once I finished school, lots of friends moved away, and I’m not constantly surrounded by people at a similar stage in life, like I was when I was in school. It takes a lot more effort to arrange plans now too. Plus making new friends as an adult can be be tough.. and to be honest, I notice that as I age I’m becoming more selective of who I spend my time with. Sometimes I will think, I need to get out, and after I go out I’ll be like, these people are energy suckers, I’m staying home next weekend. Sometimes mac and cheese and netflix makes for the perfect evening.

Post # 14
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@chicagoworkinggirl:  I’m going out on a limb here, but from your nickname it sounds like you are a career-focused gal.  I’ve been in your shoes and know how it feels.  You will find that your priorities change and you will drift from some, maybe a large number of your girlfriends.  My advice is to use work-related networking channels to meet other women who likely have more similar priorities as you.  My career-focused girlfriends have been great friends even though we don’t go out all the time because we can relate better and are generally more mature.  We are all pretty ambitious and when we hang out we enjoy each others’ company a lot and don’t have any time for drama.  Also, we’ve managed to stay pretty tight over the years…there’s been times when some of us get super caught up with work or life but we all understand and don’t phase each other out because they’ve been too busy to come out.  

Don’t worry, if you take the effort to get to know people, this phase will pass.  Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Same here,unfortunately.

After college I moved the city I grew up in but haven’t lived in for over 10 years. My job is mostly middle aged men(I am mid 20’s) so I know no one and have no friends besides FI. I am friendly with some ladies at work but that is it. It sucks but I think everyone goes through that transition in life,so just are a little luckier. My FI was born and raised in the area so sometimes he hangs out or we will double date. I’m really close with my sister and were close in age so that’s good.

I just make sure I keep busy. I picked up running a few years back so that’s a fun,time consuming healthy activity to kill spare time(feeling bored/lonely). Also, going to races is fun BC they are very social and everyone is easy to talk to. Not like the gym lol

Post # 16
Member
712 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Spending time with friends does not have to consist of getting wasted or going to clubs.

I was never into the club or the bar scene. When I see my girlfriends, we visit each other’s homes with a bottle of wine. Sometimes we go out for dinner or shopping.

My two besties were found at work. I have another one who happens to live nearby and we have known each other for more than 20 years. Through facebook, I have discovered an old high school buddy and she has introduced me to her group of friends. There is also an old elementary school friend that I have rekindled a friendship with.

Try this website: http://www.meetup.com/find/. If you are not too creeped out, there are also “strictly platonic” ads on Craigslist. You can also take a special interest class and meet others with similar interests there.

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