(Closed) I have no sex drive & its hurting DH :(

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m on the pill and it kills my sex drive too.

I’m of the belief that you have to fake it until you make it.  I may not have the desire to initiate sex or foreplay or whatever, but if Darling Husband initiates and I go along, once we get started I always end up turned on and completely enjoying myself.

Post # 4
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Mrs.KMM: Me too. 

Talk to your doctor and see if another form of BC would have less effect on your sex drive. You mentioned surgery, does that mean you NEVER want kids? (as opposed to just not wanting them now?) If that’s the case, you could always talk to your husband about getting a vasectomy. It is an outpatient procedure that can be reversed if you guys ever do decide to have kids. If you try other forms of BC that kill your drive, this could be a good option!

Post # 5
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I used to have that problem with BC too.  We are TTC now so I am off of it, but it was deifnitely an issue with me when I was on it.  I agree with @Mrs.KMM: though, sometimes I don’t really feel like it, but then after we get started I am into it.  I know it’s not the most encouraging thing, but I am a firm believer that regular intimacy is very important in a relationship.  Good luck!

Post # 6
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

OP, I could have written some sentences in your post myself.  I definitely believe that hormonal BC plays a part in decreasing sex drive (and am counting the days until I stop taking my pills which will be as soon as we’re married).  I would definitely look into finding a non-hormonal solution for BC for you two.  Also, I agree that it’s extremely important to maintain a healthy and active sex life, so “fake it until you make it” (like a PP said) if you have to, but don’t let the intimacy in your relationship take a back burner.

Post # 7
2701 posts
Sugar bee

I went through a period like this too, and I did as PPs have said. I went along with it and then allowed myself to get more turned on and involved. It helped up out a great deal.

Post # 8
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree, I took BC briefly as a teen and also as an adult and it totally killed my sex drive. I never use hormonal BC and never would try it again.

Post # 9
43 posts
  • Wedding: November 2011

I have this same issue. 

I have to agree with the fake it til you make it suggestion. It works well for me. I almost always end up enjoying myself once it’s started. 

Post # 10
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

You can get permanent birth control wiithout surgery. I am hoping to get Essure, you should check it out.

I was like that when I was on birth control, and now being off it for the past 6 months has done wonders for our sex life

Post # 11
858 posts
Busy bee

I have been on the pill on and off for years and this is something that comes and goes for me. I will go through months where I dont want anything to do with sex then it goes back to normal. There isnt much that can be done without going off your birth control so I think all you can do for now is fake it and in time your sex drive might come back

Post # 12
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

For me it increases it, because I don’t have to use condoms and my chance of pregnancy is greatlty reduced.

I agree with some of the fake it before you make it, as sometimes a psychological factor is involved! Perhaps, you can switch to one with estrogen in it, like a combo pill?

Post # 13
2894 posts
Sugar bee

Honestly, I got off hormonal bc and went back to condoms for that exact reason. It SLAUGHTERED my previously high sex drive. I couldn’t even fake it to make it. I figured – if hormonal bc is literally preventing me from having sex there is no difference between it and abstinence. And I’m sexually active for a reason. 🙂 But faking it till you make it might work for you. Exercise, for a little while, helped as well. Not sure why. In the end I had to stop it and it has taken a really long time for my body to bounce back. But everyone reacts differently. Have you talked to your doctor about what your options are?

Post # 14
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

There are several threads about this.  They often recommend a book called “Taking Charge of Your Fertility”.  I just bought this book and am waiting for it to arrive.  In the meantime I have quit the hormonal birth control and will use condoms.

It is terribly sad that I am 2 months into my marriage and feel like I can go the rest of my life without sex.  I am doing what is in my control to keep my marriage healthy and bring back the spark. 

Darling Husband is not thrilled with the condoms but his choice is either use a condom or no sex at all.  I can’t bring myself to just suck and up and “do it”.  It makes me feel dirty and worse about myself.

You are not alone!!!  *hugs*

Post # 15
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Im not sexually active as Im not married yet, but I have read a lot of stuff about a wholefood suppliment called ” Maca root” — I havent had any but Ive read a LOT about its benefits. From what Ive gathered- it aactually increases a persons sexual drive– So maybe you can check it out and speak to your doctor about it.

With that said, maybe you can try to find a diff BC method to get things to being or feeling normal for you. As a person who also abstained from having sex until marriage ( like you ) I know how it feels to finally be with the men we love and held our selves back for and then you feel like you really dont ” wanna do anything”– Its not your fault, but I would suggest finding a new method instead. Im actully going to be using the NFP ( Natural family planning ) Method– and Ive been reading a lot about it and preparing my self- Just speak to your doctor about your concerns and Im sure he/she will help you!


Best of luck (:

Post # 16
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I know birth control can lower sex drive, I actually have been on and off the pill for 13 years and have never noticed it affecting my sex drive..There other things that do though 

-not feeling good about my weight(if I put on a few pounds or feel gross do to lack of exercise)

– stress

-working a lot, lots of housework = very tired and then I def don’t want sex

-lack of emotional connection (I mean if we have been arguing or kind of getting at each other or haven’t spent quality time connecing)

I agree you have to let yourself relax and get in the mood, there are so many times I tell my Fiance no, that I don’t feel like it, but he doesn’t give up And next thing you know I am in the mood


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