(Closed) I have no way of communicating with my MOH :(

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Is there any way you could drive over to her place?

Sorry, but that is all I can think of.

Post # 4
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

If she’s only two hours away and you know where her sister lives, you should just drive in and pay her a visit.  Maybe take her for a bite to eat somewhere so you can talk to her without distractions.

Keep in mind that if she has a family and moves around a lot, she’s probably not going to be very available to help you prepare for your wedding.  (Some people want their Maid/Matron of Honor to help with everything.)  She may not be able to help plan a bridal shower, for example.

Sounds like you two have a special bond and you care quite a bit about this friend.  I wish the best of luck to you both.

Post # 5
1232 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Can you contact her family? I definitely wouldn’t phase her out of your wedding party. It don’t think any of this is her fault. I would actually be a little concerned for her it doesn’t sound like her husband is the nicest man…

Post # 6
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

It sounds like she’s in a bit of a tough situation 🙁  I agree that perhaps you could set up a time with her and drive down to visit.  Maybe you can make a list of things at that point to discuss, or ask her if she can do some very small projects.  Does her Grandma have a phone if she has the Internet?  If so, maybe you can also set up some regular phone dates – even Skype video chats if her grandmother’s computer has that capacity. 


Post # 8
27 posts
  • Wedding: March 2010

hope you get in touch with her.  when you do, you can find out if she has time to commit to you.  let her know that you really want her to be Maid/Matron of Honor, how important it is to you, etc.  but if she has too many obligations (2 babies!)…you will need other help from your bridesmaids/relatives.

hope she can be part of your wedding, but always have a planB just in case things don’t go the way you wanted.. 😉

good luck!! 

Post # 9
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

To be completely honest with you (and really, I mean everything I say here kindly), I think you need a new Maid/Matron of Honor.

Your friend sounds like she is in an extremely tough situation. Her and her husband and two kids move around a lot because they are having trouble affording housing. How hard must it be for her, and for her children, to move around all the time? And now they’re staying with a sibling, which doesn’t sound good either. Her sister apparently has no internet and no phone- could it be her sister is also struggling with finances?

You deserve a Maid/Matron of Honor who can really be there with you to be excited and go shopping and do all the things that brides and MOHs do together- it sounds like she isn’t capable of even doing the mandatory things, like simply allowing you to give her a dress. It sounds like your friend wants to do this, but has other priorities in her life right now and can’t be there for you in the capacity that you want her there. It sounds like your friend really needs to get her and her family back on their feet. It sounds like she may not be in a position to help you and celebrate with you in the way you want her to be.

And that is all OK! You should have a great wedding surrounded by friends who can support you. I just don’t think your friend can *be* that Maid/Matron of Honor in her present situation. Your friend might be upset about this at first, but I really do think it’s for the best for her and for her family and for you.

Here is what I would do, if I were you: I would set up a face-to-face meeting with her. You can try to do it through email, or you can look her up and bang on her door until someone answers. Sit down with your friend and explain to her: you are so happy you two are friends, especially after the tumultuous events in her life, but you know how much of a strain this must be on her, especially with all the moving around the family is going through and husband having different jobs, and living with a sister and trying to take care of and raise two little babies. Tell her that you know that this is so much for her to take on right now in her life, and you would really rather her not be your Maid/Matron of Honor for her sake and for her family’s sake. You can definitely say how much you care about her and how much her presence at the wedding will mean to you, but the current situation is just so not fair to either of you! Tell her that you absolutely want your friend’s life and well-being and happiness to come first and that you are doing this because you care about her and want to see her happy. She cannot possibly be mad at you for that.

Good luck. I would love to know what you decide to do and how things go, if you want to keep us posted.

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