(Closed) I have the dream ring, should I tell him?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
962 posts
Busy bee

I was in a similar position. I had an heirloom diamond (not a ring. just diamond) and I just gave it to him taped to a picture of my ideal setting with a funny caption written undreneath it. He thought it was funny and still has the diamond to place in a setting when he is ready (that hasn’t happened yet. ugh) Of course, take my advice with a grain of salt…I still don’t have a ring on my finger and I think I have been a little too pushy with the whole engagement thing. LOL

Post # 4
Member
42 posts
Newbee

Hmmm…well I don’t think that you should keep quiet because then he’ll never know. But I think you should mention it casually. I don’t know about the whole “i’ll get it for you” part though…maybe he needs more time to decide and then maybe he can ask your mother’s permission to take the ring…

Post # 5
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I dont know how.. but you need to bring it up bc otherwise he will never know, and you may end up with something thats not your dream!

Post # 6
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Laurel Rock Farms, PA

If I were I think I would have my mother give him a little hint that its here with them and its the one you want.  I would not say it myself to him but like you said you and HIM dont get to visit your parents alot and you dont want that dewling on his mind.  Your mom can always mail it to you as well, with insurance of course!

Post # 7
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Can you just ask your mom for it (making it *very clear* that you are not at the stage of him asking, but that way you have it to hand when that event occurs?  Will your mom be ok giving it over super early + not pressuring you about it?  It just seems like you are asking him to make a weighty decision quickly (I realize it’s not asking you to marry him, but still) and if you can get where you want to be without doing that, it might be better. 

I also wouldn’t mention it on the drive to the airport.  That seems a bit like an ambush to me…  Just mention this week and say you know the two of you have been talking marriage/long range plans, and while you know this may be a little bit early, you wanted to let him know that you’ve always dreamed of getting engaged with your grandmother’s ring for sentimental reasons, and what does he think of that?  (Again, you needn’t say “and I’ll go get it now!”)

Also, is there any way to visit them again before the year is up, or any chance they’d visit you?

Post # 8
Member
3640 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

The conversation only needs to be: 

“Just so you know, my grandmother’s e-ring has been set aside for me and it would mean a lot to me to have it as my e-ring”

Then the ball is in his court and he can get it whenever he wants to (plane, mail, visiting relative) 

YOU getting it from your mother to give to him to give to you kind of takes the romance and his role out of it,

Post # 9
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@Everdeen: I disagree. I don’t think I could let an heirloom go through the mail like that, and it would be a ton of unnecessary expense for the boyfriend to have to travel to another country to retrieve the ring.  

OP, why don’t you get the ring for yourself? You don’t have to tell your SO until you’re ready, but have the ring handy in case you decide the time is right or it comes up in conversation.  It could be something as easy as “for when you’re ready, I have a ring that I would like to be my engagement ring.”  He doesn’t need to know when you got it or have pressure added on!

Post # 10
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I actually think the way you said it in the OP sounds good. I wouldn’t have it shipped because it could get lost/stolen and if you only see them once a year I doubt your SO would be able to just hop on a plane to pick it up. As long as you make sure he knows it’s a matter of logistics, I feel like he should understand.

Post # 11
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Maybe you should tell him about it before you leave for the airport. Bring it up casually and let him know how much it means to you, and then let him decide what to do. If he’s ready, he’ll ask your mom for it. If he’s not, it’ll wait until he is. I think getting it for yourself would make him feel like he didn’t contribute anything.

Post # 12
Member
1742 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I like what most ladies ahve said on here – if you guys are talking pretty often about it, find a way to mention, maybe next time a jewelry ad pops up on TV, that while modern, new rings are pretty, you’re glad your family has set aside an heriloom e-ring for you.  That could lead into a discussion of what it looks like, etc, and you could say, well, I can bring it from my mom’s this next trip so you can look at it. 

Then, maybe go get a small safe or lock box to keep it in, let him know what’s in there, and that you won’t check it – if he decides to use it, he’ll tell you by putting it on your finger when he’s ready. 

OR, let him know it exsists this trip… then try to plan trips where he’s able to go, too, in case he wants your parents’ belssing, and he can ask on his own for it.

Post # 13
Member
22 posts
Newbee

I would just go on my trip, bring the ring back without mentioning it and when you get back wait until the topic comes up and let him know that you have a ring that you would love to have as your e-ring and figure out a way he can have it without you knowing.  Maybe you put it in a safe deposit box and give him the key?

Post # 14
Member
2608 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Tell your mother to pull him aside and offer it to him.  That way you don’t have to bring it up at all.

Post # 16
Member
2608 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

He’ll probably start hinting by snooping in your jewelry, or dragging you past jewelry store windows before he starts shopping… that’ll be your cue to mention the ring 🙂

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