- 4 years ago
I had to make an alt account because I know people on here, and I just don’t want this to get back to them, but this is something that has really been heavy on my heart lately and I just cannot get over it.
Basically I am fustrated about my cousin’s relationship. My entire family is concerned for her, but her parents are just so happy that she is with a “WHITE GUY (I am part asian, thanks… dad is 1/2 Japanese, but he looks white and so do, I so I guess they forget that?) that they are oblivious to the fact that she and her FI are rushing their relationship. I know, I know, it isn’t my place to judge, but my family and extended family to the cousins all live within 20 minutes of each other, and we’ve not really just been cousins, but friends. We’re all within 4 years of each other, and so we’re all close and up in each other’s buisness.
My cousin is 27 years old and is getting married to her 20 year old FI this weekend. When they got engaged her FI was 19! When they started dating he was 18! So… some back story. My cousin got engaged somewhere between the 6-7month mark of her relationship with this guy. He is about 4-5 years younger than our youngest cousin, and is incredibly immature, but is a nice guy. However before she was dating this guy, she was dating a guy that was very verbally abusive to her and to our family and was down right disrespectful. Finally, after having a LOT of talks to her about how this guy was no good (it took him kicking her out of HER car at 2:00am on an old farm road, without her phone, so she had to walk to the nearest gas station and CALL her mom to come get her, and file a police report that her car was stolen, to realize that we weren’t just trying to “ruin” her relationship), she broke up with him, and was starting to get back to her happy life. Then she starts dating this guy. Yes, we all thought he was a bit young and immature, but we were happy for her because he is a nice guy, and in time, we could see their relationship growing in to something wonderful! Despite the fact that being around him made her act very immature too…
However, when they got engaged 6-7 months later (this is after the two other “non-married” cousins got engaged) we were all very very shocked and the family was very concerned that she was jumping in to this way too fast. One, she is still in school and still lived in her family’s house, and two, her “FI” was trying to finish his GED and from talks with the family had “no plans for the future”. Now call me crazy, but this isn’t the type of relationship that shouts “ready for marriage!”. Anyway, my mom tried to bring up her concerns with her sister (cousin’s mom) and she told my mom that my mom was just jealous of her because now she and their SIL weren’t going to be the only MOBs! Really? How is that even relevant?
After that my aunt and uncle bought cousin and her FI a trailer home and put it on their property. Cousin pays no bills, not even school bills, and is 100% reliant on her parents for money, and my aunt and uncle are now paying for her FI too.
Also… cousin’s FI proposed with a plain silver band, but because all the other cousins had “flashy rings” she GOT HER MOM TO BUY HER A NEW RING! Then at my little sister’s wedding my cousin ONLY talked about her own wedding and was walking around pointing out (to any one who would listen) everything that she considered “cheap”, and was flashing her ring to people and talking very loudly about how she was also getting married so she would NOT be participating in the bouquet toss (and then mocking the people who were only “just” dating, and saying that she was glad she had a real relationship, not a pretend one).
Then, over the summer, we had a family BBQ and I was sitting with my husband and my cousins and their spouses (sister was with her DH at his parents) and this cousin comes over and she says something about how we all have wonderful relationships and how it is nice that no one in the family has a “pretend” relationship anymore. What, again with this “pretend” crap? And goes on and on about how her relationship is so great and how ready she is to get married. Well… our eldest male cousin (28) says “Well, I really think you should wait until you’re financially independent and can support yourselves before you get married.” (Okay, so that wasn’t really the best thing to say when advice wasn’t asked, but our cousin has a habit of saying whats on his mind…) Our other cousin lost it, and said that she was more mature than any of us and that we were all just jealous because she was getting married, then she stormed off. She’s 27, but she’s acting like she’s a little kid!
This whole situation just doesn’t sit well with me (or others in my family) and while I accept that this is her choice to make, I still can’t help but feel as if I wish she would wait. I’m not saying I don’t think she shouldn’t marry this guy, but I do think that she should maybe wait, and let this relationship grow before running in to marriage headlong. I am not trying to say that I am wanting to stop her from getting married, I already know she’s going through with it, and I’m not saying I think I have the right to think she shouldn’t be getting married…but that doesn’t change the fact that I am worried that she is making a mistake. Honestly, I don’t trust her to make the right choices for the right reasons. From our conversations it sounds like she only really wants a wedding and a honeymoon and the title of husband and wife, and she doesn’t really ever talk about their future. I asked her when she thought she would be getting out of school and her answer was “whenever mom and dad stop paying for it, hehehe.” She virtually has no plans for the future and neither does her husband to be… gah and this weekend she was suppose to meet with the person preforming her ceremony and she said “I don’t need to, I don’t care about the ceremony part. It is the reception that everyone cares about.”
That was pretty much my last straw. This has been eating me alive for so long and I just needed to vent, so keep in mind, this is JUST a vent. I don’t expect the way I feel to change anything in my cousin’s life. It is her life and she can make the choices she wants, but it is very fustrating to watch. I know that all I can do at this point is to be there for her, and wish her the best… but I really had to vent about this, so just understand this is a VENT. Anyway, thanks for letting me rant and vent.