Post # 1
This might be long. Sorry. In 2008, a mutual very good friend of FI and I was in a very serious car accident that left him with a severe permanent brain injury. He had to have rehab just to learn to walk again and still has balance issues. He cannot go anywhere without the assistance of his parents. It makes me so upset just to think of that day we all got the phone call.
Anyway, since he needs his parents, I have to invite both of them to the wedding. I have no problem with his dad, he’s awesome. His mom is the biggest child I have ever met. Her and her daughter are very immature. Just a bunch of high school drama basically…..the type of people that thrive on drama and hold grudges. Our best man used to date the daughter and when they broke up, her mom banned him from the house for no other reason than he dumped her spoiled brat of a daughter. So she hates our best man. Moving on to her issue with my MOH: my MOH and her volunteer for the same non-profit. My MOH recently had heart surgery so she was unable to volunteer for a good 2 weeks. Well, when she went back, this woman was treating her terrible and just really cold. Anyway, so this woman ended up attacking my MOH on Facebook messenger and had her daughter attacking my MOH as well…..to the point where my MOH just deleted her facebook cuz she couldn’t deal with the drama.
Also, this woman pretty much despises every guy that’s going to be at our wedding. Most of the guys moved states away from our hometown shortly after her son’s accident, including FI and I. They keep in touch with him on the phone and a few have even visited him when they’re in town. But she apparently thinks that we haven’t been good enough friends because we all moved away after his accident. Like we moved away ON PURPOSE or something!
I’m just terrified that because of how she feels about our best man, our MOH, and most of our guest list…she may decide that SHE doesn’t wanna go which means her son (who means the world to us) won’t be in attendance. And I can’t bear to see my FI face if we get a No RSVP from them 🙁
I guess I don’t need advice….I think the cards are just gonna have to fall where they may. There’s a lot more to all the conflicts and FI (who loves everyone!) hates her….and that’s a strong opinion coming from him. I just didn’t have enough room to type 10 years of small-town drama in this little box.
Just needed some support and somewhere to vent. If you made it this far, thanks bees :/
Post # 2
I think you just have to hope for the best: that she’ll be an adult for once and put her son before her silly childish feuds.
If she comes to the wedding and makes a big dramatic scene, have someone (maybe one of yours or FIs parents, someone closer to her age, not her children’s age) take her aside and explain that they understand that she isn’t on the best terms with certain guests, but if she can’t put that aside to celebrate a marriage and be polite and civil then it would be best if she left.
Post # 3
Is there a reason why she has to be there? If you only invite your friend and his father (as his carer) would that create problems with his care? Does he actually need both of them (since he is semi mobile) ?
I have a friend who is a quadraplegic and even in the years directly after his accident when he was getting accoustomed to the changes in lifestyle he never needed more than one person to assist him.
I would have a chat with your friend or his father and explain that your budget is limited and you can only afford one extra place.
Post # 4
j_jaye: I would do that but I already invited her via our save the dates before I found out about all this. Plus his dad just had foot surgery so its more likely that she’ll have to be the one caring for him. I don’t want to create more drama by making a big deal out of it. I’m hoping since my only issue with her is that I can’t stand her and otherwise I’m sickeningly sweet to her, that she’ll be an adult and allow her son to be there.
I also don’t know his father well enough to approach him and I sure don’t want to upset our friend. He’s in no condition to deal with his mom’s drama and he shouldn’t have to.
Thanks for your suggestion though 🙂
Post # 5
roguehnp2005: I think this is one of those situations where it won’t be as bad as you imagine. There are often people who hate each other at weddings, the most obvious example being divorced parents of the bride or groom. Most of the time (and certainly for the weddings in my family with my divorced parents) these divorced parents manage to be civil to each other, and can be seated well apart.
I’m guessing that apart from her daughter’s ex (the Best Man, who wouldn’t be at her table anyway), she’ll manage to at least be fake-nice to her son’s friends, for the sake of her son.
Post # 6
aussiemum1248: I’m not so worried about her behavior at the wedding. I’m more worried she’ll refuse to come at all therefore making it so her son can’t come. She’s the type of vindictive woman that would keep her son from being at our wedding just to hurt us.
Post # 7
roguehnp2005: If she does that then I would talk to your friend and possibly offer to hire a carer for the day. Her being unreasonable should not stop him from attending. He is disabled, not her hostage.
Post # 8
j_jaye: Yes! I was just about to post this. Excellent suggestion.