I have to tiptoe around talk of wedding planning with my fiancé…

posted 3 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - Emerald at Queensridge

Backing you into corners and yelling? Unacceptable. Period. I’d run away as fast as you can, Bee. 

Post # 32
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

This sounds like you’re in the thick of a toxic relationship. I’d give the ring back. If you want to salvage the relationship, seek out couples’ therapy. Otherwise I would be prepared to leave. 

Post # 33
Member
2096 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I am sorry this is happening… First, I lost my Dad a few months before meeting my DH. I have cut off my abusive mom. This had nothing to do with my DH or whether I felt like getting married. Your FI clearly has some unresolved issues, though. But, that is a seperate issue. Based on his most recent comment, he does not want to get married and probably does not ever want to do so. There is a difference between being ready and simply having no desire to do it.  In 2015, you decided it was time to get married and he went along. I think him screaming and crying over wedding talk means it is time to end the engagement and run for the hills. If he marries you, he may become resentful and blame you for pushing it on him. That would lead him to becoming even more abusive. Do not go through with this wedding.

Post # 34
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

sorry but you got a “shut her up” ring.  if he ever claims it’s just the stress of planning a big/traditional wedding, then suggest you two just run off to the courthouse instead, because it’s all about how much you love each other anyway right?  not anyone else, not even dead parents.  if this is how he’s acting in the midst of planning what is supposed to be one of the happiest times of your lives, I shudder to think of his behavior during life’s more challeneging moments.

Post # 35
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I don’t have any real advice about the rest of your post, it seems like he might just be terrified of commitment? But honestly, no matter the reason, screaming at you and backing you into a corner is NOT ACCEPTABLE. I do not care if he is scared or anxious. I would not be with a man that made me feel frightened just because he was scared. What happens if you were to have children? That’s another thing that will be an incredibly stressful life altering commitment, a lot scarier in my opinion than marriage. How will he deal with things like that, or buying a house, or any number of stressful things that come up in a marriage? I think you need to ask yourself if this is a man who makes you feel safe. I don’t know about you but for me personally that is of utmost importance. My fiancé has promised that he would never ever raise his voice to me and I would not handle it if he did, that would be game over for me. YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT. Can he help shoulder your burdens that you will inevitably have in life, or will he crumble under the pressure? I just know from past experience in both previous relationships and my parents marriage, that being with a man that you have to “tip-toe” around like you’re walking on eggshells is a very bad idea. He needs to go to counselling to sort his issues out, and stop screaming at you. That is borderline, if not actual abuse.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this 🙁 I know it must be very stressful and I hope you find the answers and he gets the help he needs.

Post # 36
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2017

throwitaway517491056 :  

 

He backed you into a wall while yelling? That sounds abusive. 

Honestly, he doesn’t sound interested in marriage based on his behavior. And he even said that he is uninterested in the ‘institution although I’d ask him to clarify what he means by that.

But in any case, he may have proposed to please/ silence you while still retaining the comfort and familiarity of the relationship but didn’t consider that you’d actually want to start planning the wedding and what then? 

Post # 37
Member
7939 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Stop worrying about his commitment issues and start asking yourself if you want to be married to a mentally unstable man capable of verbal abuse and possibly more. You aren’t married yet. Save yourself future heartache and leave. 

Post # 38
Member
5 posts
Newbee

You may need someone to help mediate the conversation like a relationship counselor, to talk about your relationship, any hesitancies and the wedding planning. 

Post # 39
Member
514 posts
Busy bee

Just guessing from little details but I’m guessing that as a couple, you’re pretty cash strapped. I’m guessing he’s stressed out because he doesn’t think he can throw you a nice wedding and because he doesn’t want a wedding anyways. 

Would you be willing to elope? Have you talked to him about it?  

Post # 40
Member
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

throwitaway517491056 :  he/you guys hired a photographer to take 100+ photos but are not able to get any unwatermarked photos back? what the hell? And you can’t even purchase/afford 5? That’s really weird. How much do they cost anyway?

I’m sorry to hear this though. It seems like he thinks that as long as he proposed then he can take forever to get married because “why the rush, aren’t we engaged?” sort of thinking. He seriously need to see a professional about his issue with his parents and his self-esteem and anger management.

In this state I don’t think you should be marrying him. Sounds like more trouble down the road and you know it. 

Post # 41
Member
618 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

He clearly doesn’t want to get married… You should cut your losses. 

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