Post # 1
So I’m kind of in a sticky situation here and not sure what to do…
I have my step-dad, who has been in my life since I was a baby and raised me as his own child, then I have my biological father who I met when I was 23 for the first time, (I’m 26 now) who was THRILLED I found him (online) and has been a part of my life ever since I found him. We causally talk & text and he sends me bday gifts and Christmas gifts every year.
So anyway my issues is… who do I have walk me down the aisle, and who do I have the father daughter dance with? Can I have them both walk me down the aisle together, and have 2 separate father daughter dances? Or should I have both of them walk me down the aisle but only have the father daughter dance with my “dad” (my step-dad who raised me).
I casually brought up to my step-dad that I was thinking of having him AND my bio dad walk me down the aisle together and my step-dad got really offended and upset by this. He thinks my bio dad “left me” (Even though it was my mom who picked up and left him) and thinks he should have no right to have this honor since he didn’t raise me, he’s just essentially my mom’s “sperm donor” (is what he calls him).
I don’t want to make my step-dad mad, I have a really good relationship with him, but better than my bio dad. BUT I’m also my bio dad’s only daughter… AND my bio dad is PROBABLY going to pay a big chunk of change for the wedding while my step-dad can’t afford anything :/ See all the predicaments I’m in? lol
Idk, what would YOU do if you were in my situation? Any tips or advice would be much appreciated, thanks!!
Post # 2
Have them both walk you down the aisle! It seems like the only solution after reading your post.
I’m sure your step dad will understand… you’ll just have to explain exactly what you have explained here.
Post # 3
BridetoBe2016: No one can tell you what to do, but we could share what we think we might do. I would have the Bio-Dad walk me about 1/2 of the way down the aisle, then have my stepdad take over and walk me the rest of the way.
I would do the same for the father-daughter dance.
I understand why your stepdad would be upset, but if your Mom took you and left your Bio-Dad, he really didn’t abandon you. I would not let the $$$ make your decisions for you. That would be very hurtful to your stepdad.
Post # 4
I’m a believer that family is the people who know you, raised you, and have been there for you. So, I’d vote for your step dad to do all the traditional “dad” things, and then maybe do an extra dance for you and your bio dad.
It’s that you and your bio dad have a good relationship now, but your step dad has a really good point; for all Intents and purposes, you’re his daughter and he understandably doesn’t want to be pushed to the wayside. It’d be pretty hurtful.
It’s a sticky situation but on the positive side, it sounds like you now have two men who love you very much and that’s definitely something to be proud of 😉
Post # 5
Thanks everyone! I appreciate your input! 🙂
Post # 6
How about having your biological dad walk you part of the way and your step dad the rest of the way up the aisle? They can have alittle “hand over” where one shakes the hand of the other and your biiological dad gives you a goodbye kiss. That way they are both acknowledged and included. It’s a way of symbolizing to everyone that 2 men have made you the woman you are today and both matter.
Why not scrap the whole father-daughter dance. I mean, is it imprtant anyway?
Post # 7
I’m walking down the aisle by myself because being handed off to my husband by my fathers feels really wrong to me (for MY specific situation), but will do either a) 2 father/daughter dances or b) switch dads halfway through the song.
Post # 8
Why didn’t he have a relationship with you for most of your life? I get that your mom left him, but unless she purposefully hid you from him (which would make me suspicious of bio dad too) I can’t think of a good reason for him to have missed out on you for 23 years.
Your step dad raised you from infancy and now has to share father things with the Johnny come lately father? I’d be upset if I were him too
Post # 9
I think you should do everything with your step dad. He raised you like his own.
Post # 10
BridetoBe2016: As someone who was raised by the belief that it is the person who raises you that is your parent not your blood relative. I’m more for the father who raised you. Your step-dad has been in your life the entire time you can really remember. He’s been your father since you were a baby, he is your father. Your biological dad yes, he is biologically related to you, but he didn’t raise you. He met you as a grown woman, and met the person who had already settled and found herself. Your stepdad, was the person who has been there for your entire life, probably wiped away your tears, was there for you when you had a bad day, etc. To me, you should choose your stepfather for both the walk down the aisle and the father/daughter dance. He made the effort and has been your dad, he accepted the role to be your father, he didn’t have to, he could have been an asshole, but he wasn’t. Your biological dad (without any real background, so this is a guess), has just made an effort and to me it doesn’t compare to your stepfather’s actions and love.
Money should not play a role in walking down the aisle and father/daughter dance
Post # 11
Do what YOU want. If you want both dads to walk you down the aisle, do so. The day is about you and your happiness. Both of these men should be focused on YOU, not each other.
Either do a handoff from one dad to the other, or have them both walk you if you want both involved. It’s your choice, they should want you to be happy.
Post # 12
A father is a man that is there when you fall off your bicycle to pick you up and encourage you to try again. A father is the one that sits in the front row (or as close as possible) at your school play. A father stands by your side when you get an injection of have a broken arm taken care of. A father looks at homework and helps you out with school projects. A father threatens the guy that takes you on your fist date. A father protects you when you are scared and comforts you when you are sad. This man is not necessarily the man who’s DNA you have, the title of father is so much more than that.
Giving you away on your wedding day, should be the man that instilled the values in you that lead you to make the decision to marry the man you are walking to. The first dance should be reserved for the man that saw you change form a girl to a woman and now a wife. Money may buy a wedding, but it can never buy a father’s love, commitment or loyalty…
A man that wants to know his child will, regardless of space between them, time or any legality. A man with integrity will fight for his child and the honor of having the child in his life. There is no excuse.
Post # 13
Post # 14
I guess I have a similar situation only with the mums not the Dads. My mum gave us up when I was 12, and although she’s been around most of my life, she’s never been my Mum.
I think in the majority of places, my step-mother will take place as ‘Mother of the Bride’. She’ll come dress shopping with me, she’ll help me plan and organise all the aspects of the wedding. On the actual day if my mother requests it, she can be with me when I’m getting ready, but step-mum will do my dress up and attach my veil, step mum will stand in her place, because she’s been there. Even though I get on with my mother nowerdays.
In your position, I would vito the Dad/daughter dance and just not have one. But I’d ask step-Dad to walk me down the aisle. I’m sure dad will understand. But that’s a personal choice only you can make
Post # 15
Please do not make the decision on the basis of money. Your stepdad and mom raised you. I agree with Cherry.