Weddingbee boards

For my previous threads: 

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/update-10

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/fh-and-i-could-use-thoughtsprayers-today-long-sorry

And yet another update. 

I am sorry if I keep writing about this but I cannot believe this sh*t is happening to us right now. :( 

 I've cried/watched my fiance cry all day due to this drama. 

Last night his parents texted him saying they had 'good news' I figured it wouldn't be too good for us either way and we already made a decision not to call them till the weekend, so we let it go.

 They called him this morning, both his mom and dad on the phone and started yelling at him. They DID call the faculty at MY school. Like... ALL the faculty. From the head of the department to head professor to the supervisor for my class. All in an attempt to get me out of this one class FH had mentioned to them required me to stay that weekend, the weekend their other son was getting married. 

I am so ashamed they did this and kind of upset they were able to talk to all these people without my permission to do so. In fact, FH told them strictly NOT to do this since it's kind of disgraceful for me. I have told them for months I wouldn't be able to make it and getting my semester's syllabi only confirmed this. 

Apparently these people said it was ok to miss the weekend class but told me personally otherwise. I know in leaving campus I will be forsaking my straight A grade and also leaving those under me with no leadership for the projects we have coming up. Academically this is not good for me and something the bride and groom understood months ago. This is just a problem with his parents. In calling everyone in charge of this one class, they did not pursue the fact I have other classes with strict attendance policies as well. I am NOT able to miss these still. 

So what does my future family do? Well, for one... they called FH today, both mom and dad on the phone and started yelling at him. Calling me a liar (although my supervisors told me otherwise) and that I blatantly am trying to pull away from their family because I am choosing academics and people at school relying on me over this wedding. I can't bear to repeat the other names they called me, his dad even insinuating that FH should leave me when I never told a lie in the first place. 

 I was honestly told at the beginning of the year I could not make it to this wedding and made plans accordingly. I hate to think of what will happen to my FH, what they will say to him, if he goes up without me. We are already being cut off from their financial support (they are pretty wealthy) simply because FH has chosen to move away from his family and live with me. The rest of his family is not mad at us, this is just his parents. 

I have been through veritable hell the past few weeks as some know by my posts. :( I can't sleep, FH hardly does either. Every day has some new crap coming from them against me. 

I feel like I am the scapegoat for their son's moving away from them. But I have never given any of them reason to doubt my character. Or reason to call me these terrible things. 

I cannot live with this. I either go with FH and lose the entire battle, showing them I can be manipulated into doing what they wish. Showing them they can say horrid things about me and have no remorse whatsoever. 

Or I can stand my ground and not go to this wedding, mainly because I made commitments to all these people at my university. Also, because I do not think I can face his family calmly after this whole ordeal. I want to yell at them so badly for all the hurtful things they've said. For all the crap they've caused their son to go through. For the conditional love they show him by always hooking him into their twisted world of psychoticness. And especially, because his mom told me I had a lot of ass to kiss if I missed this due to my work/school. 

I feel I cannot have my grades reduced my senior year. :( No wedding is worth this much drama. Sorry if this is rambling and long! 

Anyone who thinks being a guest at a wedding is more important than school is crazy. Your high grades mean a lot to you, and you know what? Every single day I think back to when I was in school and how I could have gotten better grades. I did well but I could have worked harder. College is an opportunity not a lot of people have, and if you don't make the best of it you will always regret it.

Obviously social gatherings and drama are more important to them, which is a great reason to stick to your guns. Do you want to be like them with ridiculous priorities? Nooooo... so be cool, stay in school.

I can kind of see how they would think you are being too serious if you don't want to take one day off, but ultimately that is your decision. They have no say and don't need to do a full fledged investigation

A friend of mine once told me she did out the math (this was at a state school) and every SINGLE class you skip is about $80 wasted. That's insane.

Don't back down. If you do they'll just find something else to bully you about.

@Misfit: Thanks, I know right? That infuriated my mom as well. It took all the will power I had not to snatch the phone from FH this morning when they were yelling these things at him. 

 I don't need or expect an apology from them. 

I DO need to know they are remorseful and they trust me and FH's at our word if we are ever to move forward with them in our lives. 

@Eva Peron: I don't know anymore :/ I certainly hope so. It would look bad against them in front of all their extended family that loves me! 

 UPDATE: FH and I decided I should NOT go. I'm sure this means more crap but it's just not worth it and we're both certain this would happen again in the future regardless. 

Don't go! I am so sorry you are going through this!

I get into similar situations sometimes; try to remember that it's not you, it's them! It's a shame you can't just have a friendly, open and understanding relationship with his parents and that you can't all just get along. But you know what, not every can get along with their in-laws and not every relationship is worth the effort.

It sounds like the bride and groom are understanding and it's just the FMIL/FFIL who are being so destructive. As long as the couple is OK with you missing the wedding, that's all that should matter.

I know it probably contributes to the issue, but reading all these stories I am so glad you live so far from these people!

This is insane. Wedding's are important, but your degree and commitments are far more important than this ONE wedding. They're being crazy. <3 If I were you, I probably still wouldn't go to the wedding, and I would have a serious talk with the supervisors.

@SimplyChic11: First, as a college instructor, I can believe they tried to talk to your instructors (some people have no boundaries). You should be aware that all college students are covered under FERPA and your instructors should not give out any personal information (grades, attendance, etc). Now, asking the instructor about their general attendance policies would not violate FERPA. Honestly, if someone contacted me about a student, I would send them a polite response saying I can't comment. You might want to visit your instructors during their office hours and ask them what info they did tell your FILs.

From the situation you describe, I wouldn't attend the wedding if I were in your shoes.

You guys are right... they cannot be reasoned with. :( I slept better but woke up earlier than I'd hoped thinking about how horrified I was and how I would be so much more if they tried contacting further profs. I honestly don't know how they got so far, from the head of dept to the professors for my one class. I think the problem starts at the head of department. 

If they chose to call again, they would either go through this person who so mistakingly gave away my info... or my academic advisor, whom I love and cannot imagine being so confused over some stupid family drama. 

FH and I did make the decision for me not to go over the way they've been acting. If they merely offered to sort it out with my professors and asked if I wanted them to, that would have been different. Not calling FH up and saying I'm lying because so-and-so and all these people said I could come (probably after they were berated on the phone just like I was)

They have NO legal standing to do this and I am most certainly mortified! 

I want to cut them out altogether, at least his parents. My FH is more inclined to keep in touch with them but only at a superficial level. They are his family, as much as they are ridiculous, he will always care for them in some way. 

I'm glad the 'bee response is overwhelmingly 'do not go' since every few hours I rethink the decision but then realize the crap will not end for us. 

@mousegirl: I checked out FERPA at my school. Would I have had to sign something previously? Or would I be automatically affected by this privacy act? 

I'm trying to figure out just how they were able to get all this info. 

@SimplyChic11: What ohheavenlyday wrote is correct. Every student is automatically covered. That's why you had to sign a form for your parents to have access/see your grades. FILs shouldn't have been able to find out whose classes you were in, but even instructors are human and sometimes mistakes happen. That's why I think you should talk to your profs and find out what was said on both sides. Like others have said your FILs may have worded the question so that they got the answer they wanted. It is true, profs can't make anyone attend or participate in class, but all actions have consequences. You've already checked and you aren't comfortable missing classes. Your FH can attend the family wedding, which may (or may not) help smooth things over and again that's a decision he has to make. :) Hang in there!

Thanks, all. I inted to write a letter to my profs today or at least all the people they have contacted above me. It is a comfort to know that I am under the privacy act because I DO remember signing something for my parents alone freshman year. 

 And I totally agree, who knows what my future family told these people to get the answers they want! It all sounds so shady to me.... I will keep everyone updated and you better believe we have kept and saved all crazy communication from them. 

-MisssPumpkinB.