Post # 1
I know my title is a strong statement, but heres where it comes from. After we started planning our wedding(a fairly big affair to my standards) I started feeling guilty. My fiance and I are both college educated people, but have fairly low paying jobs (mine is social work, his is parks and recreation). We have worked hard and have been financially smart in order to own our home, have no credit card debt and live fairly comforably and have a good savings. I felt guilty spending so much on our wedding because I decided to go back to get my masters (in hopes that one day I will make more money) and I know that schooling is going to put us into more student loan debt.
Many people say “don’t spend it on the wedding, its a stupid financial decision (even though our parents are paying for most of it) and take that money and use it for school or kids or whatever. SO…..I was feeling guilty and my mom was making me feel guilty because she thinks weddings should be very casual affairs and ours is not.
I hope that we have many more wonderful days that just our wedding. But things will get tough as they often do in marriages. I want those wonderful memories of our wedding day to look back on and reminise over and to bond over. And even though its only one day, it should be our day to express our love and enjoy it with our family and friends. Of course we realize we are lucky and are thankful that we are able to have the kind of wedding we want. So I’m letting go of the guilt and instead of always being so financially driven, going to enjoy my 100 dollar green shoes and every other detail because its a day that we created!
Anyone else have these feeling of guilt over wedding planning?
Post # 3
@fishwoman: good for you for letting it go.
I just said to FI this morning “Hey, we could add a bathroom to the house for what the wedding is costing us…”
But a bathroom is not going to fill us with joyful memories. Andif it did, well, that’d be weird.
Ours is an admittedly small scale affair, total budget around $6000 and that includes out of state travel for us and our 3 kids…
We are a same sex couple and we’ve waited so long for this. We’ve been together 7 years now, been through so much.. I think it was worth the wait and I have gotten comments too about money. My family is super tight (as in a bunch of tightwads! lol) and my mom about fell over when I mentioned a $600 wedding dress. She still thinks a pair of jeans should cost $11 like they did in 1975. So yeah, whatever. We are paying for it all ourselves, and it’s no one else’s business, really, how we choose to spend our money.
Post # 4
@MsInterpret: I know parents forget how much things cost now a days! I am definately a budget savy bride/person. I love a good deal (my dress was $250!) but I am willing to spend more for things like photography that we will have forever! When you’ve waited and been through a lot like you have and like my fiance and I have (5 years together), I say enjoy the day and don’t dwell on the money. Because we all know that “real world money” is way different than “wedding world money”!
Post # 5
I had no feelings of guilt – I was pretty much overjoyed when the day happened. My parents paid 100% for my wedding and they gave us a really nice wedding. Was it necessary? Of course not, but this is something they have always dreamed about doing for me and they are in the financial situation to do so. I am very grateful that they did this for me, but I don’t feel guilty by any means. Actually, my husband and I having the best day this far of our lives meant the world to my parents knowing that it was because of them that they were able to provide us with our dream wedding.
Post # 6
I agree with you. I don’t like the statement that it’s the happiest day of your life (just like high school is the best years of your life). If the bests in my life are over, what else is there to live for?
But don’t feel guilty for having a lovely wedding as long as you can afford it!
Post # 7
We are financing our wedding ourselves and definitely spending more than we “should” be spending (we actually had to take out a small student loan to pay for the end of the wedding, but we already had student loans so I didn’t feel too bad about tacking on a bit more). You should spend what you feel comfortable and try not to focus on what others are telling you.
But overall, I totally agree with your premise. My mother and FMIL think it’s ridiuclous that I don’t care that my bridesmaids are all wearing different dresses and different shoes and I handed my florist a jump drive with pictures of flowers I like and told him to do whatever he thinks is best with my budget. I keep telling them that I am focusing on developing our marriage and a stable household (me, him, and our two cocker spaniels) and it doesn’t seem to resonate with them.
The few times they do agree that your wedding shouldn’t be the “best” day of your life, they just tell me that having kids is when that happens. Uhh, we’re not planning on having kids and I plan to have an amazing career that gives me lots and lots of joy.
Post # 8
I don’t like thinking about what our wedding cost. It was about average as far as I know but still an exorbitant amount of money. Our parents contributed a little less than half and we did the rest. It was all terribly middle class and Western, but you know what? It was totally us, it was what we wanted, and I let go of the guilt too. It wasn’t putting us in any debt, we had a home and were financially comfortable, not to mention we are adults who get to decide how to spend our hard-earned money. It was probably the best day of my life *so far* – but I’m assuming we will have many more!
Post # 9
I am a bit of a frugal type of person. I insisted that my e-ring cost well under $1,000 because “I don’t care about jewelry”. And I really wanted to have a elopement or VERY small wedding in place of spending thousands of dollars that might better be spent towards a downpayment on a house. I knew many people that regretted spending as much as they did on their wedding, and I really didn’t want to shell out that much money for a glorified party.
FH on the otherhand, wanted the expensive traditional wedding. So it has turned into quite the extravagant affair. We are estimating that it may cost us $10,000 out of pocket for a 5 hour wedding–what we just spent on a 3-month backpacking trip through all of Asia! Blows my mind really… but I know I can’t be stingey about everything. Money is meant to be spent and we usually spend wisely. I have just begun a well paying job and hopefully FH will be working again soon…so I think we will easily recover and I am sure the memories I will have of all my family (coming in from all over the US) will be priceless.
Post # 10
i also spend night and day thinking of ways to cut costs everywhere! i want it to be a great day but i dont want to spend my entire years salary on it either..
Post # 11
You know, it is that exact phrase I repeat to myself when I find myself doing something stupid, like obsessing over chairs or linens. Brings me right back down to earth.