I inflate his ego all day and what do I get!??

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I don’t know what  is going on in you FI’s mind.   Maybe things are happening in his life you don’t know about. 

How about you ease up on the praise for a while and see if he catches on.

Post # 4
Member
3442 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@BurlapnLace:  Sounds like your FI & my husband have been spending a little too much time together.. lol

My husband has been doing the same thing lately. No so much the lack of compliments (although, that too sometimes), but he can be really rude sometimes for no apparent reason.

We need to get them some man-poons for their aunt flow lol 😛

Post # 5
Member
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

@BurlapnLace:  LOL! Have you mentioned this to him? Maybe he doesn’t realize what he’s doing (or not doing). My SO never used to compliment me even though I showered him with compliments ALL.THE.TIME. “Oh, you got an A+ on that measly 10 point assignment? Amazing! Wow! Great job!” Meanwhile I would do something huge, and he’d be like, “cool.” When I got accepted to my first choice college he didn’t say anything at all! When I brought it up he said, “I knew you were going to get in anyway, so why would I act surprised?!” LOL I finally said something about it, and now he pays attention when I achieve something. A few months ago I passed a test to become certified in my field. It was a stressful test, and I thought I failed. He hung the certificate on the fridge! LOL

Post # 6
Member
284 posts
Helper bee

Google/read The Five Love Languages and take their little assessment test. Perhaps you show love and feel loved through words of affirmation, but maybe he doesn’t show or feel love in that way. Maybe he’s more of a physical touch guy, or acts of service. We all give and respond to love in different ways; it’s important to know how your partner reacts to your affection and shows you affection as well. Sit down with him and take the tests, and commit yourselves to showing love to the other as is most natural for them. I bet it’ll improve things a LOT – it did for me and countless others!! Good luck 🙂

Post # 7
Member
6505 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@BurlapnLace:  unfortunately I know how you feel about the compliment thing. I compliment him fairly often and rarely hear compliments from him. It’s something that I’ve just accepted as part of his personality.

As far as him being rude, is there something else going on that might be stressing him out?

Post # 8
Member
284 posts
Helper bee

@cutiebomb7789:  Agreed on the five love languages book, so worth a read. My FI isn’t much for reading so I paraphrased the book for him and we did the online quiz, and then I gave him a run down of what types of things made us feel best according to our language, and how just because we speak that same language back doesn’t mean it feels that way for the person. It was kind of fun, he mentions it every now and again when he realizes he’s doing something that meets the needs of my language.

Post # 9
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@BurlapnLace:  I second what @cutiebomb7789: suggested about you both taking the 5 Love Languages test and discussing the differences, and what you need from the other, or differences in how you communicate love.

Post # 10
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@BurlapnLace:  Giving someone praise to get it in return will always blow up in your face. Give love, praise and attention because you genuinely want to. If you felt it in your heart you would not be bitter to not get the same in return. That and speak up- tell him how you feel. 

Post # 11
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@cutiebomb7789:  +1,000

My love language (and it sounds like OP’s) is words of affirmation. My SO’s love language is gifts. Once we figured out the other needed something different than what the other wanted, it really helped us out in communicating and providing each other with what we needed.

Post # 12
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@BurlapnLace:  

@MrsSkeletonKey:  My FI is doing the SAME THING!! I am so happy to read others are experiencing this too, albeit sucky anyone else needs to experience it as well.  Mine is NEVER persnickety to me, or lacking compliments, but the past few weeks – WATCH OUT!!  I honestly think men cycle with emotions, just as women do, and right now he is PMSing, probably weather-related because it has been so cold, so dark and so dreary 🙂

Post # 14
Member
3442 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@BurlapnLace:  “He’s like a cat.  He’s very loving, sweet and affectionate on HIS terms LOL but scratch him a little too long and he’ll bite the shit out of you!!!”

Literally the most incredible thing I’ve ever heard lol.

This is my husband to a tee.

 

Post # 15
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@BurlapnLace:  boys are complicated! And not all that intuitive sometimes.

Tell him you don’t feel appreciated. Minus the sarcasm 😉 I feel ya, it’s my go to. They respond better to actual  statements though. Maybe he just doesn’t realize thats what you’re lookin for

I rremember really clearly in my mind I was upset at FI for something I expected him to do and he didn’t. I pouted, moped, stomped, stormed and was generally pissed. Days later, it all comes out and he had zero clue of my expectation. Like, totally oblivious. Clearly he is not a mind reader like I am 😉  

I have been much more verbal with him since and it really works. Men need concrete, vocal direction. Subtlety is not their strong suit!

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