- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
I’m not sure how i’m going to come off writing this and I probably shouldn’t share so much over the net but I’m going to take the risk to get some unbiased advice. This is long so thank you if you read it all.
I have a sister (L) and a half sister (A). My dad was an abusive arsehole who died years ago and my mum is the most amazing woman. My issue is with A.
A lived with us till I was 5 and then left, because of my dad, to live with her mum. L never really got over what she considered a betrayal and they have never got on since. My mum, A and I have got on fine. Before my dad died he went totally nuts. For a number of reasons he left nothing to me or L in his will but everything to A and only enough to my mum to help pay A off. A took everything. I’m still angry at my dad for doing this to my mum. A has been very happily financially off since but still takes from my mum when she can. Mum lives par chque to pay cheque and works extra shifts every month at 56 years old. L and I hated him so having his money for us has never been at issue. I get that this is also not my business and it’s 10 years in the past.
3 years ago A went on holiday and got a foreign boyfriend and her behaviour towards us has just become, imo, crappy. This guy is 12 years her junior, can’t speak English, told her he loved her within 3 weeks and wanted to marry her. Last summer they got married. Now she is constantly broke as she sends him money and pays all sorts of visa fees to get him over here and constantly takes long haul holidays to see him, loaded with gifts and cash for him and his family. I don’t know him to judge him but I need to meet him so my perception of him as a money grabber can die.
My mum always says A is my sister and I should treat her as such so I asked A to do the father of the bride’s speech last year in the absence of my dad to include her fully in the wedding – I asked L to be BM and one BF. L and my mum have been amazing this last year of wedding prep. A has never once asked how i am or if she can help. Not once. I truly feel I’ve been a good sister to her. I call her a lot, i’ve sent her husband’s family gifts, I spent a lot of time and energy trying to be there for her. In return, she’s asked if I could move the date of the wedding so she can stay longer on holiday with her husband, complained she wasn’t a BM (an additional £300 that I would pay, not her) complained that she would have to pay either half a hotel room fee the night of my wedding (£30 – my sister paid this for her), complained I hadn’t booked her in to get her nails done with my mum and L the day before the wedding and complained she was too broke to pay a taxi fare so was someone driving??
Tonight I call her to see how she is…she apologises but she won’t be getting us a wedding gift. She’s too broke. Seriously? She can’t write a card with a bottle of cheap champagne attached? She can’t give us a £15 cinema voucher? I know this sounds gift grabby but to me it’s more about the fact I’m so sick of her taking us for granted. She’s got such an important role in the day now and I’m pissed she’s going to ask my mum to fund everything she does…in a way I wish she weren’t coming anymore. I’m annoyed she will seem as important a person as my mum and my sister and for months now I feel she’s just not.
I’ve had this out with her a couple months aho….by way of reply she e mailed a horrible e mail telling me I’m a baby and I’ve never had it as hard as she has and I really need to let my issues go. Maybe I do in some respects, but I still find her totally unreasonable.
I don’t want bad blood at the wedding so what do I do? I (think) I can take some honest feedback – Thanks if you’re still reading 🙂